| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: why do i always want what i cant have?? When i had the perfect boyfriend i didnt want him and stopped liking him. Now im single,i want my ex back but i cant have him. Can anybody shed some light on this?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jaybers68  +, writes (8 August 2007):
It's always down to self image and expectation.
Not wanting could be a mixture of not feeling good enough about yourself and the guy not fullfilling your expectations.
No one can ever satisfy your expectations if you don't feel good about yourself.
Women(and men)(and I've seen it many times)sometimes push away partners from the fear they'll be rejected, or that it'll be hard work. So just like we "learned" from schooldays,dump before you get dumped. The mind(subconsciously/unaware/on your behalf)takles this fear by "them" not feeling right for you. Maybe they weren't but unless you take the risk(it's always a risk) of being hurt and invest in the relationship, you'll keep the same habit.
Note; expectations are formed from experience and examples set by peers and parents.
Also everything looks rosier from a perspective, eg; without "A" partner, the last(fmiliar) one always looks wonderful, this is like a glass of water to a man in the desert, it's called the scarcity principle.
My advice is, keep looking and experimenting, one day you'll be confident enough to know what you want.
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (21 July 2007):
 I think you are on some level unsure of what you want. That is why you want what you know you cant have.
Maybe you are not ready for a boyfriend? or anything like that?
A lot of people feel like this that they want what they cant have i know ive done it often enough!
:) xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): The "want what I cannot have" syndrome I think is particularly frequent with the people are very undecided about what they want, get bored easily, are scared off by the routine or "harder" times, when maybe only a little relationship work would be the solution. Every relationship has ups and (many) downs, we should try and solve them before creating other such; The notice of the unattainable will always exist, but when we're heartily focusing on what we already have and willing to "upkeep" the sparkle, external factors will not be a danger, but maybe you're not prepared for commitment; if it's the fault of boredom, it is easier to expect the partner to chase away this block-streets than help creating this hindrance against it. And before taking the bait next time ask yourself "do I only want it because I can't have it?" I'd consider it a learning experience and profit from it, think twice, triple, what is good for you before letting go of it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (21 July 2007):
You sent him away when you were with him now you want him back.
I think you need to look elseware and think more carefully and be more gracious realising how good it is when you have it.
The grass is always greener on the other side, we all want what we can't have. The secret is to appreciate what we have whilst we have it.
I hope you get it right next time.
...............................
|
