A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months this time last year, after I moved away to university. I felt that I didn't love him any more and that I wanted to live life and experiment. I met a girl on a night out and we hit it off and became really close. She's a lesbian and I'm bisexual. After a few months we got together, kind of in secret because nobody knew I was bisexual and I guess I'm sort of shy about it so I didn't tell anyone. She lives 2 hours away, so we do our best to see each other on the weekends. We've been together now for 5 months. She's really great and does everything she can to please me and make me happy. When I came out to my parents, they went mental and did everything they could to convince me I was straight and to end it with her. She wasn't allowed to my house anymore and still isn't, so she either stays at my flat at uni, or I go to her house.Anyway, recently things haven't been too great. I've messed her around a lot and broke her heart and she's forgiven me for so many things because she really loves me. I do love her but I get really disruptive sometimes and just do stupid things to upset her and I don't know why. Every weekend for the past month whenever we have seen each other we've argued about things I've done and she pours her heart out to me telling me how worthless and unappreciated I've made her feel. And I never know what to say to her, I just sit in silence while she cries. So last weekend we decided to break up, it was really upsetting and she was heart broken when she left my flat to go back home. We didn't speak the whole next day and I missed talking to her so much so I rang her and pleaded for her to let us try again, and she really wanted to too so now we are back together. However I've realized that I just can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, as much as my girlfriend is on my mind so is my ex boyfriend and I don't know why because our relationship was boring and felt nothing like this relationship. He now has a new girlfriend and even though I dont know the girl ive started to hate her, I look at his facebook profile a lot and look at the pictures of me and him together and I get tears in my eyes. I'm so confused, because if I broke up with my girlfriend I would miss her so much, so why am I starting to miss my ex a year after we broke up? I just don't know what to do and it's driving me mad.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Perhaps it could be something to do with the fact you broke up with him this time last year. And now that you broke up with your girlfriend(before getting back together) this could have brought back the memory of the break up with your ex? Has this triggered memories of your time with him? There is nothing wrong with this. You were with him a long time, 18 months so you are bound to still have thoughts and feelings for him from time to time. I would be more worried if you didn't! It's natural to have feelings for people we used to love, it shows that we really cared about them, which is a great thing.
It doesn't however need to mean anything such as you really want to be with him/should be with him/don't really love your current girlfriend etc. If you don't actually believe these things.
Like you said he has moved on now and so have you. So he is no longer the person you used to love. Things have changed and moved on. But there is nothing wrong with looking back from time to time, it happens! Don't worry about it.
It sounds like you have a good thing going with this lady. She sounds like a lovely, forgiving, caring lady who really loves you. That is a very special thing. Perhaps try to look at why you sometimes mess her around. It sounds like you don't mean to do this and don't want to hurt her so it might be a good idea to work out why you do the things that hurt her. It sounds like she is willing to forgive and forget though, so why not try to just move forward and focus on having a happy future together. No relationship is perfact, because no human is perfect. If you have a good thing, it's definatly worth holding on to and it sounds like you have a very good thing with this lady.
good luck :)
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