A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years dumped me last week. He was very abusive for that past 6 months.Long story short, I haven't called him since the day he dumped me. I'm making myself busy at work so I won't have time to mope. But for the past 2 days he is always in my mind, I miss him so much that I wanted to at least hear his voice. It's getting difficult for me to not call him.I thought I'm getting over him, but looks like I haven't even got an inch over him, why do I miss him even after a week he dumped me. I haven't really thought about him in past few days week, then why am I suddenly couldn't stop thinking about him. What's happening to me, please help me.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 A week is nothing !, what you are going through is quite normal. You miss what you know, what you are familiar with . I read somewhere that even people who come out of jail after many years frequently have bouts of nostalgia for prison life and prison routine !
The other thing, is that you feel a lack of empowerment. You have been dumped. If you had decided to terminate the relationship, you still would have mourned for the loss of a love, and of a common past, but you'd have felt more in charge. Now, it's like the difference between quitting a lousy , detested job, and being fired from the same job. The job is still lousy, but in the second case you also feel that the rug has been pulled from under your feet.
All very normal,- hold on tight, don't call, and keep doing what you are doing now, stay busy, find new things to do, new interests, etc. Things will be better in a while.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): Love creates endorphins. They are feel-good hormones that give us euphoric feelings like a drug. When you and your boyfriend first met, you felt good together. You felt right for each other. You formed a relationship, and you have a history together. You had fun, you laughed together, and there was a time when you were both happy.
That memory doesn't go away. It has imprinted on your brain.
In his absence, these good memories will resurface. It wasn't all bad. That's how the mind works. Even though he was abusive, he is the one who dumped you. He told you, he didn't want you anymore. Ouch!
That was rejection. It's hard to deal with rejection. It is an ugly word. I don't even like to say it. It has the word "eject" in it. If you dumped him first, you'd still have these feelings. You don't turn off you feelings like a faucet. You love him now. In time, you heart will "eject" him. He took a piece of your heart with him. You won't get it back. So when you get better, you fill that empty spot with the right guy. In that case...to be continued.
You'll go on an emotional roller-coaster.Up and down until you're sick. You've invested three years of your life in that jerk. It ended in abuse and rejection.
It's like he never really loved you and that is hard to process. So he is becoming an obsession. Don't worry. What you're feeling is totally normal. You feel sad. You feel grief for the loss, and you're confused by the fact he has the audacity to dump you; when he was the jerk. Really???
Your wounds are fresh, so you have a lot of healing to do. It hasn't been that long. Don't over-eat out of depression. You don't ever want him to bump into you with another woman and let her see you in that condition. OH NO!!!
There is no magic pill. No silver bullet. Only time.
Nothing we can say will make you feel any better. I know. I'm going through it too. I handle it better; because I'm older and have the benefit of experience. That's what this whole ordeal is going to be for you. A lesson. Each relationship over a life-time is preparing you for the right guy.
Your emotions will overwhelm you some days. And you forget he ever existed maybe a week later. Just go with your emotions; but don't let yourself get crazy and start contacting someone who is capable of abusing you. There is nothing you can say that will change him, or make you feel any better. He'll be even nastier, and make you feel worse.
He is done with you. He did you a favor. He set you free.
Pull yourself together and don't forget to have fun. Pull closer to your family and friends. Get exercise and make sure you eat right. Get a new hairdo, color your hair, buy a pretty outfit. Try not to let him dominate conversations you have with your girlfriends. They'll get tired of hearing about him and avoid you.
Everyone will tell you to "move on." I hate that term.
I'd rather say, take care of yourself. Be good to yourself.
Avoid too much alcohol, don't self-medicate. Cry when you feel like it. Get some funny movies and keep laughing. Get plenty of sleep. Do not seek guys on the rebound. BIG MISTAKE. Not fair to them, or to yourself. Avoid his friends, don't read his Facebook page, and delete his phone number. He doesn't want you anymore. SO LEAVE HIM ALONE OR YOU WILL GIVE HIM ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE YOU FEEL TERRIBLE! This is guaranteed.
You won't feel better right away, but you will allow yourself a chance to heal. You can delay healing when you get all wishy washy about his memories. That's your mind playing tricks on you, and stirring up that little addiction for him. Go cold turkey. It's the only way, girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 May 2013):
 I suggest that you take up doing "Sudoku" puzzles....
You can find that with difficulty from "pretty darn easy" to "absolutely diabolical".....
They will keep you busy, and will keep your mind off this creep that you've described......
In six months, this submittal will seem quaint, but unnecessary......
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Hi, hun, only you know how he treated you, if you really loved him, it can take a very long time to get over him, I know its been almost a year for me , an it still hurts every day. What I would say to do is not call him an maybe he will miss you more then he thought he would, an people can change, but don't take him back the first time he talks to you, make him really miss you, I know it sounds like a game, but thats life.And if he never talks to you again, your heart will feel good again , it will take time, I know it hurts like hell, an you think its not bothering him atall, I can't say if it is hurting him. but you will smile again , I know your heart is crying, but smile with that beautiful smile, if you don't get back together, one day you will see him, an you will say why did I, boo hoo over him for am happy an he lost out. bye bye now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): You were in a bad situation he was hurting you physically and emotionally he shouldn't be allowed to do that it may take time to get over him you will eventually but for now just focus on you and try to distract your as much possible. Treat yourself and stay positive five years from now you won't even care about him
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 May 2013):
 You're putting unrealistic expectations on yourself.
A relationship of 3 years can't just disappear after 7 days.
It'll take a few MONTHS for you to recover completely. Give yourself time. Stay away from him, and let yourself mourn the loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): dont call him. i remember when my ex used to love it when i rang him and would laugh at me and say to me i knew you would call me so dont call him thats probably what he wants you to do so do the opposite and stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 A week isn't very long. Allow at least a few weeks to mope about and feel sorry for yourself then start doing positive things - get out there and have fun, distract yourself... Soon enough you will get over him...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 May 2013):
I was with my first girlfriend for 6 months years ago, and when she dumped me, it took 6 months go get over her. You've been going out with your now ex for 3 years, and whilst it ended unhappily, and has been difficult for 6 months, it will take more than just a week to get over him. You two do have memories together, and you can't just switch off after a week.
I think in this situation, you're doing the right thing by keeping busy. I also think that maybe you need delete his numbers.
Most importantly, you now need to focus on how he treated you over the past 6 months. If he has been abusive, then clearly he's no good, and perhaps you need to focus on that so you realize that losing someone like this, is actually helping you gain in the long term.
Keep doing as you're doing in not speaking, but really think hard about how he's treated you over the past 6 months. Hopefully, you'll see that his behaviors was unacceptable, and that will help you.
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