A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years pretty sure I'm in an abusive relationship. I sound so unsure because its not all the time. I knew it could be this way from not to far along he would do something to hurt my feelings sware he was sorry buy me something and we're good. Then it would be yelling screaming and aggressive grabbing. Then it moved on to punching kicking hitting me with objects and throwing me around. This happens about once every 5 or 6 months. I know I'm stupid right? Well, I don't know what to do. I don't know why I put up with it, but i do. I'm not even in love anymore what is going on with me and how do i fix it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I too have been in a relationship for three years and frankly find myself losing my temper when my g/f does something really stupid. However I could never even shout at her let alone even raise my hand. This leads me to believe that yes, you are in an abusive relationship. Every now and then I hear about relationships that go this way and can't help thinking "Why would anyone put up with this?". The most likely answer is that you're either afraid to break up with him because break-ups are horrible, or you're afraid to break up with him because you don't know if he'll react violently or not. If you're afraid of breaking up with him because break-ups are horrible, that's just something you're going to have to deal with - it's part of life and you'll get over it. If you're afraid of breaking up with him because you don't know what he's going to do, then you need to put yourself in control of the situation. A good way would be to meet him somewhere public (so that he won't kick off) and then tell him (in you're own way) that it's over. Tell him that you want to make this as straight-forward as possible and if he becomes emotionally aggressive in any way, keep calm and tell him that if he continues to behave this way, that you will make it known that he has physically harmed you. Here, you are giving him two options. Either to make a scene and you will still break up with him and also tell everyone that he has hit you, or to let you go and no-one has to know anything. If he has any sense he will let you go.In my mind, this is probably the best way to approach it, although I'm sure it's not perfect. Either way, I hope that it gives you something to start from and I wish you the best of luck.
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