A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 months almost and gave me a promise ring before her car broke down. Then her kids got sick and then she got a terrible flu. And she told me before that wants to marry me someday. But this week she told me she will be there for my bowling and she was hopeful that she can make it but she didn't make it because of her sister's test waiting on her, to get done.So, my girlfriend told me its hard to make promises, then why make them. I get upset when things don't my way to have us time. I told her before it bothers me but somehow we make up for though. Last night before my birthday she better make it cause its hard for me to deal with broken promises. But how many more am i going to forgive when she breaks the promises. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Oh my we could sure use some of those promise rings here!!
:-) thanks for the explaination!
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 April 2013):
A promise ring is a Christian thing where you promise to wait for marriage before having sex or something. You give it to the person you're saving yourself for.
And you're right I don't think he's paying much attention.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 April 2013):
I don't think the OP is reading the advice given!!!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 April 2013):
Is a promise ring like an engagement ring?
Sorry, I a English, we dont have promise rings here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, i actually told her how i felt n she needs to be more considerate of my feelings which i do have unlike most jerks that are out there. She is actually going to buy a promise ring which I deserve she told me. I told her my ring size. I told her its like you don't really care about my feelings. She needs to make up for it too. If she wants relationship she has to play her part instead of being one sided. I have been in allot relationships and I can figured what to say to her .
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 April 2013):
No offense but you sound like a drama queen. Having kids can make things difficult. She probably makes promises because you put her in a position to where she feels like she has no choice.
I'm not seeing any major offense on her part; either that or you're not conveying things very well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, what do you do when i give a promise ring that she asked for. I just saw her a few days ago she said she was sorry and trying to get back to normal and told me that she will buy me a bowling for b'day but i'm not depending on it cause its hard for her to make promises. It seem her kids come first before me and it really isn't fair that she been flaky towards her boyfriend. Its like i gotta be hanging around until I see her again. Its hard for me and for the both us. Well she did text me told me waiting on her sister by that time it was too late for her to come. She shouldn't tell she is coming and then don't it isn't really fair to me.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 April 2013):
So if you told her how it's affecting you when she doesn't text or call, and she has not given any reasonable explaination, maybe she's not the one for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes i have met her and her kids. She says she going to make it then she doesn't text or call me when she doesn't make it and that really bothers me and I told her that a few times.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 April 2013):
I speak as a single mother and it's really hard to date someone and keep them happy whilst trying to juggle kids and home and work at the same time.
I have always just enjoyed the dates and waited to see how things developed but one particular man I dated wanted me at his beck and call all of the time and got the sulks when I had to break a date or two. It got tiresome to have to appease him all the time so I ended things. My kids are grown up now and have left home and it's weird that now I have the time for dating, I just don't want to...go figure!!!
Maybe suggest something you can do with her and the kids (if you have met them yet)...if not either be patient if you really like her or end things and find someone who don't have kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): "She told me we are going to have a wonderful life together but it makes when we cant"
Look if you can't accept her life then leave her life. Don't waste anymore of her time. But be careful OP, no woman is perfect, no woman will ever live up to your expectations if you set them too high and if you're not setting them too high and it's just that you need a woman who can be 100% reliable then don't date a single mother ever again.
OP you need to think long and hard whether you're overreacting here, my personal opinion is that you are the way you talk about broken promises after only 4 months. But if reliability is so important then you need to find someone else. I think you're just pissed that this woman isn't perfect and doing exactly what you expect of her though.
Me and you are different people though OP, I was raised by a single mother, I know how their life is. I've been the reason my mother has had to cancel dates and stuff and it's because she was being a good mother, if you can't accept that then don't date single mothers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe told me we are going to have a wonderful life together but it makes when we cant
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): OP it's only been 4 months, frankly when I read the title of your question I thought it was going to be something meaningful and profound, like she promised never to cheat or get off the heroin or something.
OP I think you've gotten wrapped up in the promise ring, "marry you some day" thing and you truly have forgotten that not only has it been only 4 months but she's a single mother and she is quite simply not going to be able to attend every date she sets with you. That's the nature of having kids OP, the best laid plans go to waste if those kids decide to get sick or act up etc.
OP they're not broken promises, she's just unreliable in this way. Yeah it can be annoying, trust me I had two long term relationships with single mothers and them flaking out on plans is something you have to get used to a degree.
Stop putting this "broken promises" spin on it OP, you're being melodramatic. I understand your frustration, it's exceptionally annoying, but just as it would be nice if she could make plans and keep them 100% of the time, she has told you very clearly that she can't. Why does she make plans? Because she truly does want to and expects to do them with you, only to remember that she has to do something else already, or her kid gets sick or her sisters test comes up.
None of those are her fault OP. Things come up in life and if you think she's going to prioritize your bowling over her own sisters test then you know that can't happen OP.
Look you do have a grievance her and I'm not downplaying how annoying and frustrating it is for you, it is very frustrating but you're expecting her to adapt to your life, to how you live it and keep her plans 100% when no single mother in world is capable of doing that unless they're a shit mother or shit sister.
OP talk to her, but lower your expectations here. It's only been 4 months, she's unreliable when it comes to her following through on your plans so you need to put less importance in plans and adapt somewhat to her lifestyle.
If she was a single, childless woman with no other responsibilities then you'd have a right to feeling such a grievance but this is how her life is OP, you either accept it and want to be a part of it or you have to go find another woman who is more able to be reliable.
Frankly OP you only have yourself to blame in a lot of ways because you know she flakes out on things yet you make silly demands, "turn up for my birthday or else". You know what she's like OP yet you still expect her to be different and you're disappointing yourself because of that.
If you can't deal with how her life is, the fact she's not in a position to make promises that she can always keep and if you think after 4 months you should be the centre of this woman's universe then I'm sorry OP but it's you who needs to chill out, in a big way.
You need to adapt to her as much as she does to you.
My most recent ex is a single mom, I can't count the number of times she text or ring me an hour before we had plans to say she couldn't make it. A the start it was annoying until I looked deeply into her circumstances. I know she only texted me so late because she was trying to either get what she was doing done in time, or she was trying to get a babysitter, or she was trying to see if her kid was really sick, or seeing if she get it to settle, or her sister only just called her up to go out to see her for something important etc. So I adapted a bit, I wanted to be with her so I lowered my expectations in that regard, I was tempered my disappointment by not expecting so much of her and learned to play things her way.
I might make plans with her to go to the cinema, but the babysitter may not turn up and she can't make it, so I'd shrug that off and head out to her place instead and watch a movie there.
Chill out a bit OP, she's not doing this on purpose, if you really like this woman you have to adapt to her schedule a bit more and understand that you're best bet for having time together is to be able to think of things off the cuff and adapt your plans to suit what comes up for her.
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