A
female
age
41-50,
*rincess1982
writes:How do I tell a guy I don't want to see him again (nicely)?I met a guy I really fancied through a dating site approximate 8 months ago. We went on a few dates, but it didn't get serious and he subsequently told me he was too busy for a relationship and cut all contact. I have subsequently never initiated contact with him, to this day. About four months ago he started contacting me again. During (approx)month five he made plans with me a number of times but ditched me (because he was tired or had to work) at the last minute about 50% of the time, month six I was away on holiday, month seven we caught up about twice a week consistently and month eight (this last month) he ditched me a few times and I told him that I didn't like the way he was treating me, he was condescending, wasn't very nice to me and ditched me all the time. I also didn't know where this was going (friends vs dating). He simply said that I was over-reacting, didn't apologise. He then contacted me two weeks later to hang out, so we went out with a few of his friends of his and it came out that they A - do go out quite regularly and B - he's hooked up with a number of woman.I know I'm just jealous of a guy who, let's be honest, hasn't made a commitment to me, so I have no rights. But I need to get him out of sight to get him out of my mind as I feel as though he's playing with my head. Am I being unreasonable? How can I achieve this?Finally, why do I keep liking a guy who is so mean to me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): You are not being unreasonable. Frankly, I think this guy is completely messing you around, and I am not surprised you have had enough. I think you need to be firm with him, tell him that you have moved on and are not interested, and let him sulk about it if he wants to. I also stongly recommend deleting his number, and any other form of contact you may have with him, to try and remove any temptation to contact him.
Why do you like him, even though he is mean to you? It could be that you have low self-esteem, and think that you don't deserve any better than this. But you DO! Or it could be that you have hopes of changing him, or that he will change, and start being nicer and give you what you want. But he will not change. He doesn't seem to care about anybody but himself, and certainly does not respect the feelings of other people. That is the reality. You have experienced the way he treats you himself. I don't think there will ever be any change or improvement if things were to continue between you.
So maybe you are hoping that things might change? Just a possibility. But you definitely need to start to think more highly of yourself! This guy is not worth your effort at all, even though he may act all condenscending and self-important. He really isn't. I'm sure he'd like to think that though. Build your confidence up, and remember that there are guys out there who will appreciate and value you just as you are. But you need to appreciate and value yourself first. I hope things start to improve for you soon. Take care. x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 February 2010):
You need to delete all his numbers, all texts you have kept, all emails. Everything. Get rid of it all. And every time he contacts you, simply say 'it's over between us', put the phone down and continue to delete numbers. You need to be strong in getting rid of contact.
As for liking him, you need to take a look at your own confidence and esteem. If you're not feeling good about yourself, then you're going to fancy men who aren't good enough for you. So spend some time on yourself and get back out there and just meet people. Start a new hobby. Anything that allows you to find yourself. Low esteem = attraction to low men. So get working on your confidence too.
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