A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I keep getting nightmares about my abusive ex and I wonder why. A little background: we dated for about two years during which he was awfully possessive, totally psycho, verbally and physically abusive and had a huge complex regarding his looks and his finances. The only reason I even considered dating him he was because I knew him since school and everyone knew that he was crazy in love with me since the 9th grade. I didn't reciprocate back then but much later in life I thought OK what the hell, let's give him a chance.It was extremely difficult getting rid of him and up until till the time I got married he tried to get in touch with me and only backed off when I threatened to go to the police.Time and again though I get recurrent nightmares about this guy. Just last night was particularly bad, so much so that it woke me up from sleep and had me in a bad mood all morning. I am terrified of seeing this guy in front of me and the thought of ever crossing paths with him leaves me cold. why do I keep getting this nightmares about him and what can I do to stop? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 October 2019):
 This sounds like PTSD to me. At least, contact a therapist. You need help to work through the shit this guy did to you. You keep meeting him in dreams because you havent been able to deal with what he did to you. This requires the help of a professional.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 October 2019):
 You have the dream (I think) because deep down you carry around that fear of him. While he is out of your life, the fear of him potentially showing up is still lingering.
How much did you deal with what he did to you? And in what way?
Maybe what you need to do is talk to a therapist. To work through that fear.
Some scary things will linger all your life. But getting the tools to DEAL it it when it rears it's ugly head might be beneficial to you.
It's easy to say, put it in your past, much harder to do. You brain is still trying to process it. So, I'd seek help in moving that process forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2019): You've experienced significant and chronic trauma and your response is perfectly natural. If you can get some kind of trauma counselling that might help you move past it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2019): You may be suffering some post-traumatic stress; but do keep in-mind, that dreams are just dreams. It's not a premonition that you'll have a confrontation; but residual-memories you've buried about the abuse may resurface when you're tired, stressed, or under pressure.
Maybe some light counseling will help you to vent/purge suppressed memories and help you to move forward. You did mention in your post that he continued to reachout to you, even upto the time you were married; and you had difficulty in separating from him. The purpose behind his persistence and aggressive-behavior was to cause what is occuring. That is, render you stressed-out and intimidated. To make you feel helpless and vulnerable; no matter how much distance you've put between you. Trying to forget is sometimes not enough.
I do recommend some abuse-counseling; because sometimes internalizing is only burying it deeper into your subconscious-mind. You'll encounter triggers that will force your suppressed-memories to resurface; and they'll manifest in bad-dreams, anxiety, flashbacks, and paranoia. Worse case scenario, cause depression!
I am so glad you found the courage to get out of it. You were even able to move-on and find yourself a solid and committed-relationship. All the more reason you should seek therapy; so those bad-memories won't haunt your marriage and cause time-released anxiety-attacks.
God bless you, my dear!
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