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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't help myself. I always seem to go for guys that are unavailable or out of reach in some way.I don't know why I do it but I wish I didn't. I recently fell head over heels with a guy I have been working with for a couple of years. We got friendly but nothing heavy. He flirted with me a lot but I know I have a habit of reading too much into that. I know he has a girlfriend too. I tried to stay away from him and be just friends but my feelings for him grew anyway. Anyway, the long and short of it is that last night I sent him an email telling him that I liked him. He hasn't replied and now I feel stupid, humiliated and scared to go into work on Monday!I wish I knew why I did these stupid things. I'm not sure what I wanted him to say in response. Even if he had told me that he loved his girlfriend and wasn't interested in me it would have been better than being ignored.I just don't know what to do now.It's not like I'm some lovesick teenager either, I'm 32! I should know better! I've just been on my own for so long that I don't know how to cope with this at all!Why has he not replied? Not knowing what is going through his head is making me feel ill!:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): Hi to the one who chases men that are unavailble. My opinion on this is that the unresolved parts of you the little girl parts that are still broken and hurting are trying desperately to mend, fix and make ok the love that you did not receive from your family of origin Mom or Dad. Unfinished business. You will keep repeating this behavior until you take responsibility to repair and reparent the little girl in you. When you do this you make yourself emotionally available then and only then will you be able to attract men that are available. You will be coming from the adult place and not the little girl. There is nothing wrong in expressing one's feelings to tell another that they are liked. The reason that you are feeling hurt is that he has not replied and ignoring is a form of abuse. It is also a power imblance as you initiated the e-mail. Take what fits and leave the rest thanks
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (22 October 2005):
He's probably embarresed, there will be some tension when you go back to work this will however fade. You fantasize about men you cannot have because it is exactly that you cannot have them. My suggestion would be for you to go on a dating agency at least then you might find somebody who is not attatched. By fantasizing about men you cannot have will only bring yourself grief and there are a lot of single men out there who your attentions would be greatfully recieved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): Re: correction on my last statement. Instead of "Time to make better choice and get with a real 'man', one that is UNAVAILABLE and treats you right" change that to "AVAILABLE"...sorry about the typo! Take care
Hugs, Irish
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): Hun, some guys (not all) flirt blatantly, unavailable or not. It's simply his own selfish need to feel desirable and his poor character that impels him to do this. This guy hasn't replied because he now knows "he was out of line & you took this too seriously" and he's turning tail and backtracking. So stop being hard on yourself and learn from this. Yes, you will feel on edge, but when you go to work on Monday, just get on with the day and pay no mind to this guy anymore. Be professional and no more flirting, hun. Save that for afterhours, with available nice men, only. But your situation is not unusual..I know of many women that only like unavailable men. My own personal thoughts on this? Well, I think some women choose these unavailable guys, only because they think he has an invisible 'seal of approval' simply... because he has a wife/gf. Meaning: if he's good enough for her, he must be a good guy! But, if he's single and available, then something wrong with him if he's not with a woman. It sounds crazy but this does happen. Available, great guys does NOT equal "a boring drip". While I've known a few boyfriends in my time and not all of them were perfect (neither am I), I can take comfort in the fact that I have steered clear of these unavailable type men. Remember, just because he already has a woman..it does not mean he is a good guy! What kind of man flirts and cheats behind his wife's/gf's back?
I think you have this figured out already. It's time to start choosing a different type of guy and examining your poor choices and what's driving your choices. It's easy to put this down to just some bad luck, but I would put it down to going for the same type/being drawn to the same characteristics, all too often. When some women have said to me 'I like a bit of danger and the exciting challenge of liking an unavailable guy'. I have to say, there is nothing exciting about liking someone who will inevitably treat you like crap. There's nothing exciting about flirting with a guy, who already has a wife/gf. That's pretty disrespectful to his gf/wife, isn't it? Time to make better choice and get with a real 'man', one that is unavailable and treats you right. Give this situation at work a chance to blow over-and it will. Just go to work-do your job and be professional. I wish you the best of luck, hun.
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (16 October 2005):
Stop obsessing about why he has not responded. He may be away from his message center, or computer, or he may be trying to decide how to answer this without hurting your feelings. Hold your head up Monday, and don't apologize for speaking your mind. Some men like women who know what they want in life, and in a man, and are often attracted to them. But others find such women intimidating, and run like hell. Target someone who is in the first group, and your string of loses will end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): Silly as it might sound but he might not have got the email yet but wait til monday see how he is acting round you and if your still unsure whether he got the email then ask him if he did and laugh saying you noticed that you sent the email to the wrong person and that explains why the other person never replied to your email because he never got it and laugh it off if he feels the same way he will act and look disappointed that the email wasnt meant for him.
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