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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi there i'm in a bit of a mess, any advice would be greatly appreciated.Okay I will start from the beginning...There's this guy at work, and i slept with him (my boss) and yes he's married, and yes i have a boyfriend. So please, I know it was bad, and the decision i made, made me a bad person (please that's not the part that i wish to discuss now) but now i think it's gone further than just sex.Well after the third time we slept together, we both agreed it could never happen again, and we have totally gone back to being friends, and it was totally cool. Then the other night we were out with work people and me and him left to go and get our trains home, and we both had a bit to drink and ended up kissing, but nothing more, and we agreed nothing more would happen.Then at work yesterday i had had a really stressful day and was really angry about something, and when i got into the lift, he was in there, and we were talking and he grabbed me and told me to calm down. Then we just looked at each other, ended up against the wall of the lift kissing really passionately until i got out of the lift to the next floor.The problem i'm having is i dont think i fancy this man. He's a good friend, and i know what happened is bad, i know this, but what i don't understand is what i feel when he kisses me.I don't feel that with my b/f or any other guy, not even when the relationship was new, i never felt that rush of excitement and butterflys and get turned on really quickly.Does anybody know why this guy has such an effect on me that no other man can?Even though i know nothing more could ever happen between us, as he is married. I know this. So if i don't fancy him and i know i can't be with him - then why do i feel like this when i'm with him? And he gives me that look, and then runs his hands through my hair and kisses me?Why do i have these feelings? Will i ever have them with my boyfriend or any other man?Please help me, it's driving me mad.xx
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Forbidden love is always sweet
but the fruit is bitter.
He is your boss and he represents power and status .
With him , you will never find the same with your b/f.
A
female
reader, louweez23  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 First of all. You are not a bad person. You have done soemething unwise but that doesn't make you a bad person. You recognise that what you are doing is worng so that means you know the differnece between right and worng and are trying to stop therefore you are a good person who has made a mistake. So be a little more forgiveing of your failings. You are human like everyone else.
Secondly, the reason you feel like this is because you are experiencing the excitement of an illicit liaiason. They're not called 'the pleasures of the flesh' for nothing. They ARE pleasureable at the moment they are happening.
However, start thinking long term. There is no pelasure i hurting your b/f or his wife. Think of the shame and humiliation if this ever comes out. There is no pleasure in that.
Ultimately, you know the difference between right and wrong so do the right thing. There is no pleasure greater than being able to hold your head up and say "I did the right thing" especially when doing the right thing was really, really hard.
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A
female
reader, x_kat_x +, writes (21 May 2008):
the feelings are as people have already said because you arnt supposed to feel them
its like in the movies when girls always go for the bad boy its because they are dangerous and give you a rush. this is what your boss is doing it is because you are not supposed to like or do anything with him which is why you feel this way. good luck. you need to leave the married man well alone.
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A
female
reader, smiler08 +, writes (21 May 2008):
hi this is tara...i agree with 1st advice^^^
the reason your feeling this is because its excitment,yes ive been in that situation befoe and the only reason i felt that way was because my bf didnt know anything about it and thats what makes it exciting!
you also would get these feelings because you know you have a man at home for you but yet you have this other man so you know you have both to play with which adds more fun to it aswell....
all you can do is keep busy and try stay out of his way!!give him no reason to make this happen again
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): You have these feelings because you are doing something that you ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! That is what that feeling is. The forbidden will always tickle your fancy in ways that the allowable will not. Do not confuse this excitement with anything other than the excitement of the forbidden...
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A
female
reader, babymamma626  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 The feelings you are experiencing is lust and passion. You are hot for this man and because of when and where and how your occurences together are happening it surprises you and and it is exciting because you could get caught and he is married and you have a boyfriend so it is new so your getting all hot! I'd say break up with your boyfriend and just be single! Then you can't really have any "bad" feelings about what you are doing. Cuz right now your poor boyfriend doesn't deserve this. So cut him a break and just let him go! It may hurt him but not as bad as this would if he found out. As for the guy at work who is married he is a bastard! He should be ashamed of what he is doing because he is married. And you are promoting him to ruin another woman! How would you like it if the man you loved (if you were married) was doing that to you? Sometimes to find answers it is easiest to put yourself in the other persons shoes. IT IS WRONG FOR BOTH OF YOU! Go find a single man who wants to 'PLAY'!!!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2008):
Things that are wrong, secret, forbidden, and dramatic are far more exiting. It's the adrenaline rush.
Is this the most exciting thing in your life at the moment?
Look for drama elsewhere. Go on a last minute holiday, find a new career, start a business.
Fill your time and you'll not get in these situations again.
You need to stop it as nothing will be worth the crap you'll get into if this gets out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): ok..so i know exactly how you are feeling. I was in a situation like that except the man was not married just living with his girl friend, and i did have a boy friend at the time. I know the feeling thatyou get when you kiss him, its that feeling of excitement and rush. Your heart starts pounding and you want nothing more than this man in this particular moment. Its like nothing else matters, and the whole world just stops. You guys share a great deal of lust and attraction, andyou both have convinced yourselves that it will never go any further than what it is. Its that feeling of sneaky ness, that you got away with something that keeps the lust and passion alive. Its wanting what you cant have, which makes you want it more. When i was in the situation, i tried kissing my boyfriend that same way and i tried to re live that intense passionate feeling, but i simply could not. It just wouldnt happen, even after a couple of drinks....i dont have much advice for you because in my situation i ended up losing both people which sucked, but when i see the "other" guy there is still so much sexual tension, that even a quick glance at one another i get the chills...this is how i see it. If it is meant to be it will be, forever. and if its not then consider yourself a lucky girl because a lot of people never experience that rush of excitment that you and i have both gotten. Just be careful to not get your heart broken, and always remember people want what they cant have.
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A
male
reader, Mr Tips +, writes (21 May 2008):
Because you know you should not be doing this with this man(your boss) its a bit daring a bit risky thats the reason you get turned on so quick, its exciting to you. do something similar with your boyfriend like i duno have sex on a bus or somewhere you might get court, see if it turns you on as much.
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