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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I hope my life doesn't sound too miserable.... I never had luck in love. I'm not a weirdo. I have good taste in clothing and I try every possible way to make myself look nice, but I didn't start dating until I was 27. My ex who is also my first broke up with me 4 years ago. We were together for 4 years. It was a serious and committed relationship so life was like hell after we broke up. Then I moved abroad for 2 years to try to get over him. I had completely no luck either when I was abroad.I am 33 now and I found that I have fewer and fewer friends. A lot of friends I used to hang out with have started their own families or want to settle down. More and more people start asking me when I will have my own family. I want it, too! But I just have no luck! I make decent money, buy everything I want and I can afford to travel every year. I have everything I want but a man who loves me and cares for me. I am so ready for my next relationship, but things just didn't go the way I wanted them! Sometimes I think I'm alright by myself, but sometimes I think I really do need someone. I'm in my thirty's, going to bars or dating sites aren't really my things. It's tough for me to see couples together and I am alone. Any suggestions for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2016): I agree with Chigirl. You say, 'Dating sites aren't really my thing.' I would bet that a majority of people these days meet their partners online; there are many many different kinds of dating sites. Maybe you just tried the wrong one(s).
Good luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 June 2016):
 I have to say, online dating is not at all desperate, or for people with problems, as the first poster says. This is an old cliche. Online dating is for people who live in the modern world, with facebook, smartphones and all that, who aren't that interested in going out clubbing. I've been online dating, and went on several dates with people who are no more desperate or show problems, than any other person you meet through any other means. I can recommend online dating. I went on dates with men I never thought Id have anything in common with, if I had just met them on the street. And Im talking good looking and handsome men here! I still can't get over the fact that a muscular, tall and blonde Swede asked me out online. He was drop dead gorgeous. Someone Id never imagined I would have gone out on a date with, if it hadn't been for us meeting online and getting a good "score". I can mention so many other examples, but am not going to bore you with it. I will just say, online dating is not at all full of desperate people. It's for people just like yourself, looking for love (or hook-ups, be sure to pick a site that aims towards the same as you want).
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 June 2016):
 If you don't go out and socialize or try online dating then how do you think you will find a partner? You need to be trying to find him, he won't find you. So make more off an effort. Ask friends do they know any single men? Go on nights out, try online dating for a while. Open your mind more, and remember it is not about luck it is about trying.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 June 2016):
I think the fact that you didn't start dating until 27 says something about you. And if you want your "luck" to pick up on your dating life, the hard truth is that you need to change. My guess is, from reading your post, and the fact that you started dating only at 27, is that you aren't really giving from yourself. You are closed up, always waiting, and needing perfection perhaps, before you decide it's worth taking the jump.
You might have to wait another ten years before such a brilliant opportunity arises, like the one you experienced at 27 with your ex. I don't know, did he fall on your head from the sky or something? What was it that made you, finally, step out of your comfort zone four years ago and go on a date with him, let alone enter a relationship? Whatever that was, you need to pull it out of your sleeve again.
Going on bars and dating sites is not your thing? Well then, I guess dating as a whole is not your thing either? Look, in order to get what you want, you need to suck it up and do the things you find to be "not your thing". Because that is what is going to get you in touch with men. Or, of course, you can sit at home and wait for him to fall through your roof, or appear by magic.
There is no such thing as "luck" when it comes to dating. It's all about giving from yourself and talking to as many new people as possible. If you talk to three new people each day (doesn't need to be more than a hi) and if you give from yourself (smile!), you will have a boyfriend by the end of the month, if you so want it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2016): What you're doing obviously isn't working, otherwise you would have found someone by now. And you know what they say for a person who does the same thing over again and expects different results... ;)Go out more but change venues. If you just hang around in bars, or dating sites you're bound to meet equally challenged people (I didn't want to say desperate). Not all of them have problems with relationships, but I'd bet that most of them do (like you), otherwise they wouldn't be there in the first place.How about volunteering somewhere? You'd get to meet some nice and generous people who spend their time in a constructive way. The best thing of all is that in that case "meeting someone" is not your focus (at least it's not openly everybody's focus) and that takes the pressure off. You could casually meet a guy and get to know him.I know that you're focused on this part of life because it's not working the way you'd like it to work, but you should change the focus. I am not saying this to frustrate you even more, but people (women or men) who are obsessed with finding someone do not have an attractive energy. Sorry. That's why people who are attached have less problems finding other potential partners, because they're content and have a positive attitude and that attracts people. I met my first serious bf during an out of town scientific conference when we were in high-school (I couldn't find anybody in my school because everbody was so obsessed with dating and I was feeling to uncomfortable). I met three others, including my first husband when we did some fieldwork, and the second husband also through work so to speak. My point is that we were all focused on something else and the work gave us an excuse to meet, greet and get to know one another, leading to romance :)I am not saying that this works for everyone, but it has always worked for me. And trust me I am not the soul of a party, I don't have a magnetic personality or anything. I just went to places that interest me and met people who share these interests. But you have to think about what kind of person interests you. Kind, generous...To illustrate, even if you love chess, do not try to find such a soul-mate in a chess club. Most of the time you'll stumble upon narcissists or in the best case scenario cute geeks :)Whatever you do, understand that everybody's life is different! No one has the right to ask you the questions when you will get married, start a family etc. And yet they do... the more you become immune to them the less they'll ask. They are like a mirror of your inner struggles. Stop asking yourself these same questions and creating the pressure.
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