A
female
age
51-59,
*sunshine
writes:Hi. I am currently in a relationship with this really awesome guy. We are really happy and its been almost 4 months that we have been together.( both of us divorced with two kids each ) I don't know how to handle how I feel. I feel jealous whenever it comes to other women. My boyfriend calls me beautiful and sexy and things like that all of the time. For instance, he will say someone ( like an actress on tv ) is "hot" and I feel like breaking down and crying... I guess I feel really insecure about myself and always feel like someone is prettier or sexier than I am? I feel like he may be compairing me to them? I don't really know how to control my emotions. The other day i saw a sexy pic he downloaded on his phone of ( maybe a porn star? ) saved to his music downloads. I asked who was that? He said oh, someone in a movie, then he said, I really need a picture of you so I can put that on my phone ( yeah right... ) He felt bad i'm guessing and said that?? I know I'm probably making a big deal about it... It makes me feel so terrible. You would never know that my confidence is like this if you saw me walking down the street lol. Being married for 6 years before I also felt like this the whole time and I just don't know where this feeling stems from, ect... Any advise? Thanks... :(
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (30 September 2011):
1sunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for your replies :) Being in this new relationship is so diferent for me. Being married for six years,I was more relaxed about the issues I am having now ( not fully though ) It's like I am starting all over again, relationship wise. I don't know where to start as far as building confidence within myself... Any suggestions? I think he is starting to realize how i "tick" and is being more considerate. Maybe it was him testing how far he can say things to me? Idk... I think with his past wife & girlfriend he had before me, didn't care about the things he said. I don't want to look insecure to him. I know that guys are really turned off by that.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 You feel like this basically because you have no self confidence or self belief. You need to believe that you are sexy and good looking. At the end of the day there is always going to be someone we look at and say ah well they are hotter than me or better looking than me but at the end of the day he has chose to be with you nobody else. You need to start believing him when he calls you sexy or beautiful. You need to accept that when he looks at you that is what he sees. Start building your confidence up more. Do things that make you feel better about yourself. Doing things that make you feel good and positive will make a huge difference believe me. Off course him looking at porn stars is going to make you feel like this, what you see in those films are not realistic and am sure he knows that. Tell him how it makes you feel because am guessing that he doesn't even know. So sit down and tell him what little confidence you have at the moment and let him help you through it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): You are not some kid you are a mature woman and in your 30's. I am presuming your boyfriend is about the same age. In my opinion he should be a bit more tactful and mature. There are words he could use like like 'nice' and he doesnt need to make a comment such as 'hot'. It is very immature and most men of his age would be a bit more considerate. Who wants to see a sexy woman being downloaded on their b/f phone. Sorry but I dont think this is you being paranoid or insecure so much as him being a dumb bloke who is clumsy with his comments. I think you may actually have to spell it out to him to keep his adolescent opinions to himself. I am sure he wouldnt go on about these women in the same way if his mum was sitting in the room! You wouldnt go on about how hot Hugh Jackman is and how fit and toned he is and what a great package he has.....When I first met my boyfriend of 38 two years ago he would go on about how Cameron Diaz is 'amazing and so gorgeous' and how this and that woman were so slim and amazing and it became very tiresome after a while. I had to sit him down and tell him to keep his opinions to himself and not keep on about how this or that woman is so beautiful and so toned blah blah. He soon got the message. Some men are so thick that that forge they are in the company of the woman they love and not their work mates or pub buddies.
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