A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.... I need some advice, I have been in a 'relationship' with a divorced man, luckily he has no kids, his wife left him for another man. We have been very close, he means the world to me. Whenever he is working I bother him, he has his own business and he needs time every time he says he is busy I get upset, when he gos to the motorbike track I go with him, he works on one of the race's bike, he's busy and I'll freak out. When he visits my family, well me too, I never get attention, well it feels like it. I would just like to know why do I get so upset when he's busy? He does spend a lot of time with me, we do go out and spend weekends away even if it is for a motorbike event. Do I really have a reason to be so upset?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for helping. The wait was worth it, i spent the whole day with him yesterday, we did want to spend much money so we just went to get a few snacks and went to his house watched movies, played pool and had a wonderful afternoon. Seeing him only twice a week is much better then seeing him every day. He actually really missed me this week that past. Next week ill be back at work then everything will go back to normal.... Thank you so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey have been devorced for a really really long time, 20 odd years now. She has been alone for a really long time and his sister has not really been paying any attention since she got married. He really does mean a lot to his mom. Because of religion it will be hard to go with, as most people dont like the fact that his a devored man and now im with him, so it makes it hard for us both.... Ill just give him his time, after all he did phone today and did speak to me for awhile....
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay maybe I'm being a little over sensitive, his mother asked him to go to dinner with him?? I know he has not being spending a lot of time with his mother and after his mom and dad split it has not be easy for her,so ever now and then she does need him. Although why does it have to be night? I was really hoping we could do something, i guess not everything can always go my way....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell firstly he ended up being busy again so we did not go.... Im still hurting although i have not told him how i feel, i just left it
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello there, thank you so much for all your advice and all your trouble helping me... We were supported to have gone out last night, he sent me message said that he wont make it he has a meeting with one of the boss' from one of the companies he does I.T. for. I could on believe that all i could say ways, its fine take your time we can always go another time. For the first time i was not hurting as much as i would. He was only finished at 11 and he sent me a message that he is very sorry and will make it up to me. So i told him he does not have to seen as though i have been so nasty and always bugging him when his busy, he says its not true that im always bothering him, that he likes those sweet sms in the day when his really very busy. That he can just stop for a second and think of me for awhile. I have always wanted to be someones princess but now that i am i just dont know how to handle it.... Im only going to send him a message 3 times a day and phone him at lunch time, he says if i dont phone, which he would love to but just cant, all his time gets used up and i dont get any. Maybe it was just a dark patch i was going there, my ex still happens to scare me now and then, this week is the week he started abusing me. I guess thats why i have been so jumpy.... Thank you once again, ill let you know what happens tonight:-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): My angel there is not really anything wrong with you, or I think otherwise there is most probably something wrong with me to… I use to treat my boyfriend in the same way and we have been together for 6 years, he’s a DJ so we go to every club together and go home together we have the same friends (mostly guys) so sometimes the boys night out issue comes up, and I freak out, I freak out so badly that he looses all interest in going anywhere, and we end up fighting because he says I am insecure and think he is cheating, but that’s not the case, I also didn’t have friends (my own girlfriends) as I moved in with him straight from school and yea my friends also left for university, and slowly but surely I started making friends, and hanging out with them, and realized that time away is very good, it gives you that solid ground you need to trust your partner and your partner feels trusted, it made me feel less needy of his attention which in turn made him wana give me more and more attention, we were apart more so the time we spend together just got better and better.
And obviously you will be worried about his ex wife, but it sounds to me like he loves you very very much, see if his ex wife is gona try and get him back today tomorrow or even in 3 years time, you stressing about it and making your own life a living hell wont change that, so enjoy every moment the lord gives you with this man, love him unconditionally and if it does happen that he takes her back then it wasn’t meant to be, but I don’t think he is very interested in that otherwise he probably would’ve made that move a long time ago. Try and make some friends it’s the best advise I can give you, become your own person with your own life, otherwise you are depend on him for those things, men are more attracted to independent woman then clingy needy girls, keep that in mind
I use to feel that being negative and preparing myself for the worse or accepting that I will never be happy is so much better than believing everything is fine and then just to be disappointed and hurt in the future, but I lost out on so many happy times because of my attitude towards life,
Good luck with this dear and please keep me posted
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reader, Griffo  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Nothing is wrong with you. Its normal to worry about these things. Now i can see a little better about the relationship. Id tell him everything you just mentioned in your last post. I doubt he would do anything to hurt you at all - unless he's a real sick, which i doubt. it would be way to cruel and you haven't done anything to deserve that anyway.
Just be honest with him and talk to him about why you've been like this and I'm sure he will understand. it will need to be one of those good long chats.
Let us know how you go
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont have any friends, when i left school most of my friends Wdmt to university and i started working, the people i work with i cant really call friends. He is my only friend....i know for a fact that there wont be another women in his life, he just does not trust any female, i just happened to be to special, to caring and have a very special place in his broken heart....I think im just afraid that his ex wife will come back, i really dont know why. She sent him a sms about 3 weeks ago that she wanted to come back to south africa to reopen her business she once had with him. He did reply but she never got back to him, the only reason why i know this is because he told me, he tells me everything. I really dont want to a bitch at all he means the world to me. He always says im his princess and im very important to him, and that he is trying his best to make me happy.... What on earth is wrong with me??
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reader, Griffo +, writes (7 January 2009):
There is no reason to get upset if you trust him, right? are you afraid he's with someone else? another woman? because thats the impression your probably making and that shows distrust.
Take it easy and just let him do what he does and you enjoy what you do, hang out with some friends more often because at the end of the day you are together and thats what matters right?
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