A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Why do I find it so hard to sustain relationships? I have been with a man I have known for over 20 years but relationship for 9 and we can not move the relationship on. I want to get married. I have three children. One of his. But we do not live together, he hardly takes me out. We went on holiday and I spent 3 days with him out of 14.I feel must have been emotionally damaged as a child as I know it it not healthy me sitting here waiting. I have been spending a lot of time on datng websites but deeep down I would like to sort things out with him.I am getting old know. I want to move on but keeping hoping things wwill change.Any advice?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
He's not worth it. If he's not taking you out, and he doesnt' seem to care all that much about you if he's not living with you. He won't change, so leave him and don't be second best. Spend time just talking through your feelings with a therapist and just understand yourself a bit more. then you'll be in a better position to find a better guy.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 Move on. He won't ever change. The only person you can change is yourself and what you will put up with in a relationship. If you keep accepting a half-ass relationship, that is all you are going to get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): I think you have to realize that he is who he is. It is unlikely that he's going to change his ways.You said "we have not been able to move the relationship on." Clearly, YOU want to get married, but that's your agenda. HE has no interest in moving ahead. Don't you think that after nine years, if he wanted to get married he would have done so by now?You need to ask yourself seriously if you are willing to continue with the status quo - and it sounds as if you're getting very little out of it. You and he hardly go out any more; you went on vacation with him and he spends three days with you out of fourteen? What was he doing the rest of the time? What were you doing?The other piece of advice I have is: Have you considered counseling? Might help with your issues to find a therapist you can talk to and trust to support/challenge you as needed.
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