A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't want to say I'm not a good person, I am.My question is this:Why, when I talk to a girl (via the internet, because I feel too nervous face to face!), do I feel the need to pressurize them (not stop when they dont send me messages for a day or two)It's not that I need a girlfriend, I'd like one, but I don't need one.I know I've got to change otherwise I'd never get another girlfriend. Is this linked to the fact I lost my dad at a young age?
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Hi,
I dont think this is related to actually losing your father, but possibly the way you were brought up afterwards.
If you feel insecure as a child, it could follow you through your life. It is important not to let this get of control though. Hm! easy said than done. The best thing that you can do to boost you confidence is to just be friends with girls first. Dont get to involved before you know a person. You can only do what comes natural to you, and eventually you will meet someone that you just click with. As it is, you are making things a lot harder than they need to be.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 You do need a girlfriend, and you want one too. You can put up a front and say what you think you want everyone else to believe, or you want to believe yourself, but your actions are speaking much louder than your words. If you didn't want a girlfriend, you wouldn't be on the net, doing what you are doing anonymously. I think you are trying to get your game on, get all the bugs worked out and get your confidence up before you try everything out in the real world. But you are going to have to take it to the next level - because those girls that you are practicing with or pretending with on the net are real, and you are crossing REAL boundaries.
It's called stalking, whether you do it in real life or on the net. Stop harassing them. You know that you have to change in order to get a girlfriend. Start by how you behave. A real man doesn't behave differently depending on whether or not people can see him, doesn't hide behind the net or blame his background for his behavior. No disrespect, lots of people survive and thrive after they lose a parent, and they strive to become a credit to their lost parent by becoming a person they would have been proud of. A man takes personally responsibility for his actions and treats women (and everyone else) respectfully. Women pick up on this. It's called having character.
Now, you already know that you were doing something that was wrong. Answer? Simply stop doing it. You can tell us that you don't want a girlfriend, but I don't believe you, of course you do. You're a good person, just a bit misguided. Everyone is nervous - but I'm afraid you just have to put yourself out there like the rest of us. The way to impress a girl is to be respectful. Develop all of your talents and skills that you were born with and apply them. Have some goals and direction in life. Treat other people the way that you would want to be treated. Don't worry, some one will notice! Usually, the moment that you stop looking for Miss Right is the same moment that you find them. Consider getting really involved with a few things that you have always wanted to do and feel passionate about - What a great place to meet like-minded individuals - Right?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 April 2008):
You are angry and insecure about women and I think you need to stop talking to them for a while.
Girls can really be affected and scared by people who seem to be aggressive. It is not right to make them feel that way.
This is not linked to your father's death. You cannot blame this common problem of being nervous around girls on your childhood.
Go out with your friends and get your confidence up. It is great that you realise you have this problem and you are willing to deal with it.
Why do you feel angry with this women? Why do you place such importance on every one of them you meet?
Go out and chat with new people, both men and women, but just leave it at that. Get used to chatting to them and never seeing them again. There is nothing wrong with that.
Once you get used to not putting such pressure on everyone you meet, you can perhaps start looking to meet someone special.
Good Luck!! xx
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