A
female
age
41-50,
*_tsmommy
writes:My husband and i are going through some really hard times right now and we are trying to work through some things. But, i don't know what to believe and what not to believe. He says that he is trying to grow up and trying to get us our own house so we can all move in and be together again. but the way i see it is that he is just using this as an excuse to keep doing what he is doing. he says that he needs to do this own his own and be a man but yet what he doesn't realize is that my children and i need him at home. we don't need just the financial stability we also need the emotional support. He has been coming over alot more here recently but he only stays about an hour to an hour and a half which is not long at all. Then when he starts to leave the girls are asking him to stay and holding on to him to try to make him stay. they even look at me and telling me to make daddy stay. I don't really know what to do anymore. I have tried everything that i can to make this relationship work but, i really do not know if this is what he is really wanting because he continues to leave and not spend any time with us. I am torn in so many different ways it is not funny. I love him with everything i have and i know that he still loves me but what should i do? Should i just move on with my life and let him realize what he has given up or should i still fight and try to make it work at all costs? please someone help....
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Oh Honey!!
This is awfull for you, and he shouldnt be putting you through this. Honestly, I think he is having his cake and eating it too. You say that he is staying away, so that he can save up for you all to have a home together. What are you living on now then?.
I'm sorry to say this but I think you should give him an ultimatum (sorry if thats spelt wrong). If he wont come back to you and your girls, and look after you all as he should, he is not worth being with. He must be paying for somewhere to stay, and if you are paying as well, that's two lots of bill's. So just how is he supposed to be saving up. His excuse would hold more weight if he spent all his spare time with you. But he's not, so what the hell is he doing?
I think he is using it as an excuse honey.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 April 2008):
Have you really sat down and told him how this is making you feel?
I bet he would change his ways if he realised you were thinking of leaving him.
Sit him down and work out a schedule for time together. Ask him why he wants to leave so soon after arriving. Ask him what he is scared of. Ask him if he realises how much it hurts the kids.
Does he think it is suddenly going to be perfect when you move into a house?
He says he needs to do this alone, but he's wrong. You're married now and he is not alone any more. You are a team.
Try all this and if it doesn't work then you may need to move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): He is your husband and you live separately?!! You say you both love each other, but if you did you would overcome this and be together. Husbands and wives should never live separately, how can you ever make anything work like that. You will constantly have problems and you must of had enough of it or you wouldnt be getting in touch with us. I think you need to talk to him and let him know that is he doesnt get moved in with your and somewhere sorted soon, then that is it and you are moving on. Be strong and put your put down. This isnt love.
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