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female
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anonymous
writes: i am a single black woman and i have issues with beautiful women. my self image was destroyed a while back and now when i see that black women are not as beautiful as white women so basically what im saying is what could be wrong with me or do i need professional help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lost cause +, writes (27 September 2006):
 hey, im spanish/italian and i have a dark skin tone, ever since i was young i wanted to be different, i wanted to be either darker or lighter because i hated myself. If we spend our lives wishing we we're something else than we will never be happy, personally i think black people are the most attractive because they have lovely shaped faces, eyes etc., just look at "ciara" or "missy elliot" they are much more attractive than people like reese witherspoon. you're beautiful no matter what. be yourself xox
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Everyone is beautiful to someone.
We are all different and individual and this is what attracts other people to us, what makes you beautiful to one person doesn't always make you attractive to another that is the joys of being different.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 I am black and I think black women are beautiful as well as white women, hispanic women, creole women.......the list goes on. Sad fact but especially in the black community, a lot of black people feel inferior to white people especially the women. Nowadays, you find a lot of bi-racial relationships were there is a black guy and someother nationality or race. Its left a stigma for black women because they feel less than or not equal to other women especially white women. There are loads and loads of beautiful black women, like my mom and my sisters and my daughter. I'm sure you're one of them you just have to see it in yourself. Good Luck.
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female
reader, stina +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Anon,
I just thought of this, don't know why I didn't mention it before - you should really check out the writings of bell hooks. Here's a short bio from wikipedia:
"bell hooks (born Gloria Jean Watkins on September 25, 1952) is an African American intellectual, feminist, and social activist. hooks focuses on the interconnectivity of race, class, and gender and their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and domination. She has published over thirty books and numerous scholarly and mainstream articles, appeared in several documentary films, and participated in various public lectures. Primarily through a black female perspective, hooks addresses race, class, and gender in education, art, history, sexuality, mass media, and feminism."
You may find inspiration from her books. Aside from counseling, etc you should become self empowered! :) Here is a link to a website that has a description of her books:
http://www.allaboutbell.com/
Take care, anon.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 I have loads of girlfriends who are black and they are all beautiful looking...the actor Robert Deneiro goes for slim,black women,thats his taste...so dont think these thoughts,you need to seek a good therapist who will give you your self esteem back.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 The colour is not important the important is you are beautiful inside however there are lots of beautiful black women like Naomi Campbell and normally the body structure of most black women is very balanced and sexy even if they are fat, I had a complex for not being very tall but I have had all sorts of guys after me dear I am not black but my skin is tanned I think that scombined with pretty darl eyes is very sexy to many men, I supposed that your self steem has been destroyed by somebody who has taken profit of you feeling sensitive or having other problems, I had a black Italian friend, she was like a model but before she had been on diet and lost 13 kilos so please you can go to a gym to feel better if you want, I do it and it helps, it makes me feel relaxed too, try to dress clothes you like, save up time for yourself, sexy underwear also helps to make you feel more sexy even i you're not to have intercourse no matter what your size weight or race is, it is a question of attitude darling
take care and good luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 September 2006):
 I think you would find great relief in talking with a professional. Self-esteem can be built up but it is a slow process, a good therapist may help to speed things along. Good luck, you deserve to be comfortable recognizing your own beauty.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (26 September 2006):
Hello Anon,
I have no idea why you think this way - is it because someone told you this so much you just grew to accept it? Whatever the reason is, you can't go on believing this - it's just going to bring you down and depress you.
You ask if something is wrong with you - no, nothing is wrong with you. Whoever or whatever made you think this way - whether it be a person or a culture, etc - was in the wrong.
As for getting professional help, it might not be a bad idea. Many people get help from therapists for a number of reasons and it really helps them out. Don't expect your feelings to change overnight - or even within a week. It will take time, but you need to work through this. It's not healthy for you to beat yourself up over something so untrue.
If therapy doesn't work, there is also the option of hypnosis. You may want to look into counselors who perform hynosis because it really does work and relatively faster than therapy sessions (I have first hand experience of this - you can PM me for more details. It's not the stupid "act like a chicken" stunt that's in magic shows, either. It's *much* different than that and can help out tremedously.)
There are also numerous self help books that you could read if visiting a professional is something you want to do as a last resort. Be sure to check out reader reviews on these kinds of books, though. You can't just pick up any self help book without at least reading reader reviews (it would be better to know the background of the author - hopefully a doctor - that wrote it, as well).
The bottom line is that something needs to be done about this way of thinking, because saying that black women aren't as pretty as white women is simply not true.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (26 September 2006):
 I will put this simply.
ALL women are beautiful, regardless of colour, race, shape.
Personality is where true beauty lies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): I think most black women are sexy and beautiful. I SHOULD KNOW COZ MY WOMAN IS 100%
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): I think most black women are more beautiful & sexy. You only have to see my woman. (i`m white by the way)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): There are beautiful women in all races. I am black and have been told that I am "beautiful" from all types of people. You have to be confident and comfortable in yourself to be in your skin so to speak. Confidence is beautiful as well as kindness, respect etc... Stop looking at the color of your skin too much and try and find what makes you happy because you are wasting your time focusing on just one aspect of yourself. There is more to life than what the color of your skin is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): firstly all women no matter what colour think they are beautiful.i am also black and i know im beautiful,you have to be positive of yourself and be proud of yourself, as the saying goes "black is beautiful".
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