A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm 17, just started my A Levels and I'm really unhappy. I hate my life, I hate the repetitiveness, the work and the pressure put on me by seemingly everyone, all demanding different things. It's making me really upset all the time, and I am in a terrible mood with my family all the time.The problem is, I don't have a right to be unhappy, I have a nice house, stable family and a good school, my life compared to others is perfect. I can't understand why I'm so upset. I cry every night at the prospect of having to wakeup in the morning and do it again. Because I feel Like I don't have the right, I don't tell anyone how I feel. It would be to hard to explain why I feel like this, because I really don't know. To everyone at school, I'm happy and bubbly but inside I feel like locking my self in the toilets and crying. It's making me lonely because when my friends ask "how are you?" And I say "I'm good" it breaks my heart, and my friends are becoming more and more distant. I don't want to be "that whiny girl."Why do i feel like this?What can I do to stop feeling like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): Hi,As no nonsense Aidan said, it's very common to feel the way you do at your age. Teenage years are years when emotions are always exacerbated. What can I do to stop feeling like this?I think the first thing to do is to NOT keep things bottled up inside. You need to talk to someone of trust about how you feel. Isn't there anyone you could talk to? I see that you're from England. Please have a look at the help page of YoungMinds (http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_children_young_people/whats_worrying_you/depression/factsheets). You can call/email the Samaritans or Childline.In order to preserve your wellbeing you need to ensure that you:1)Work/study (don't forget to have some breaks)2)Have some time for yourself (doing whatever you enjoy). During that "me time" make sure that you are focused on what you are doing only. Do not think about the HW you have for the week. You will be better able to deal with it, once relaxed than if you anticipate/dread it during your leisure time.3)Have some time with family and friendsFrom what you are saying 2) is very much missing, please do not wait any longer for having some "me time". It doesn't have to be a day, it can be a few hours.Things will get better if you take some positive actions. :)You did well to write your feelings to DearCupid.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 January 2013):
IT’s actually very common at your age to feel like that. That doesn’t mean you just ignore it, or you don’t seek help, but don’t feel guilty for being unhappy, or troubled by the fact that it’s not always easy to explain or understand why. It doesn’t make you unappreciative of all the good things you have. Mood isn’t always rational. So what are all these pressures you’re under? You need to try and work out what they are. Write them down if it helps because they need to be separated out for you to deal with them. What happens is that we often take all the separate pressures in life and mentally heap them all together in to such a big pile that we then become overwhelmed by them. Being a teenager right in the middle of the transition from adolescence to adulthood is tough, combined with your studies. Are there issues at home? With friends? Then you need to start planning who you need to talk to in order to get help. People won’t judge you or think badly of you, they’ll probably be sorry they didn’t see how unhappy you are and be very keen to help. Whether it’s work, friends, something around the home, no problem’s insurmountable or worth getting this upset over. And once you deal with one issue, dealing with the next will be so much easier for you. You’ve bottled up a load of stress and tension in your mind, when you start breaking this down and asking for that help it’s like taking the lid off that bottle and allowing it to escape out. You’ll feel so much better. And if there’s a counsellor at your college, go and see them. They can help you think through your anxieties. And perhaps to those you are closest to, it’s time to stop saying you’re fine when you’re not. Even if the truth is that you’re unhappy but don’t know why, that’s better to tell them than hiding behind a mask of contentment because I’m afraid people can’t always figure it out without being told.
Make sure you’re taking time to do the things you enjoy, whatever they are. If you want to change from routines, look for voluntary opportunities in your area that you can fit around the other demands on your time. It’ll help you meet new people, feel good about yourself and give you another thing to focus on that isn’t work or anything else you’re finding is making you stressed. If not a voluntary opportunity then a new activity you’d quite like to try.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 January 2013):
 It's the realization that you are not free. You have a good upbringing, but that didn't exempt you from working hard and pleasing others. I would say that if your parents worked hard to be where they are now it is more expected that you follow their trails. It is as if you don't have a choice to not be successful. You worry that people will love you based on what you achieve, but not who you are inside. You worry no one really cares who you are inside. You feel trapped by an identity that society tells you that you must have, in order to survive.
I suggest you to accept your role in life, and that it's normal to feel unhappy when you feel so much pressure. Use it as a challenge to help you grow. You can also try to look outside of yourself and not take everything so seriously.
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