A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a good life so why an I so unhappy?I have a great boyfriend, a nice home, great family and friends but I keep dwelling on the things I don't have. Like a better paying job, my Own house, marriage.... So I guess its more money I want.But I have everything but that! Why can't I be satisfied and fulfilled?I feel like I'm ruining my partners happiness too because he tries to make it better for me and gets upset when he can't.How can I stop being so greedy?? There are people way worse of than me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. I just wanted to thank the people that pointed me towards depression.
I've spoken to my dr and he has told me that it does sound like depression but he would like to rule out anything physical
So will be sending me for some tests.
I appreciated you reading my question and it was a relief to not be judged by most of you.
A part of me hated and worried about my 'Greed'.
I'm calmer now knowing I may be getting the help I need.
So..... Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Dear OP, I agree with Red Green 0289, It certainly appears you may be depressed.
As you keep pointing out, you know you should be happy, you know you have much more than some,
But you are still sad.
This is why I don't believe a trip to a third world country will help.
It may have helped anonomous female, because she was going through a tough time, (that was why she was unhappy) and seeing people in a worse state put that in perspective.
Unfortunately your life is good. You don't have a reason to be unhappy.
Which leads me back to depression.
Its good your seeing your Dr. Hopefully he can help you sort out these feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Hi
It was you who never read your question properly.
Glad your not angry but exasperated not as much as me(lol)
We probably all have had depression at sometime aswell and a hard life to go with it, a great cure is to think of others takes the mind off the self a little, thats what i found anyway. When i was low i realised i wanted sympathy, i wanted to feel bad, i wanted to think that the whole world was against me and i never had my share of the pie.
Then i looked around.....
I looked at the people who could,nt walk, could,nt see, starving, living in fear and real poverty on my own doorstep let alone in a third world...in agony every day that they woke up.. I TOOK ALOOK around me and i started to count all my blessings, i could walk and see, when i woke up I had no pains...i CHOoSE this way to think instead of sinking into a dark depression which i could quite easily have done with justice, not wanting to wake up anymore because life was so shit and life had been very cruel from the beginning and i was a child. I agree some depression is clinical and needs medication but not all depression does . It's the will to CHANGE the dark to light and see it in your own life.. we have the ability to heal ourselves by changing our perspective.
That is all i give in my advice 'perspective'...giving money to a charity is easy.... but that was not my point nor my advice. I suggested you take a PERSONAL LOOK at other's lives to gain a perspective on your own. I was not attacking you or trying to hurt you. okay saying you know people are far worse off but do you KNOW have you experienced their suffering, giving to charity is not an exerience it is a moment. If you Read your original question again you will see the connection.
Best of luck anyway holidays are also good for depression lol :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not angry.
I'm exasperated.
I was asking for advice on why I'm sad and unhappy all the time.
But what I mostly got was people who didn't read my question properly saying I'm much better of than some people,
As I've pointed out after AND stated in my question,
'I know there are people much worse of than me!'
I don't know how many times I can say it!
And the money spent on a 'holiday' going over to see their poverty would be better spent given to a charity that helps people over there.
Thank you to all those who told me to see a dr as I may be depressed, I've taken that advice on board and made an appointment just in case.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): HiJust a reminder.. it was you who quote said''how can i stop been so greedy'' don't ask questions if you don't want a truthful answer.You are not been lectured, you have asked A QUESTION and you have been given various advice, wether you choose to listen to any of us is your choice. I think the most ironic thing about this site is People like you !who ASK US for help OFTEN GET ANGRY and blame us aunts/uncles when you don't hear what you want or expect.What on earth was wrong with reminding you to think of OTHERS in TRUE POVERTY , it puts things in perspective really. If you want to understand your discontent it lives WITHIN you...empty maybe ? certainly rude especially after I WISHED YOU GOOD LUCK....KEY WORD AGAIN ...GIVING ...i gave you time with my advice and i gave you kind words and WHAT did you give me? rude words . Before you slam an agony aunt/uncle remember it was YOU who said you were greedy NOT ME.Good Luck hope you enjoyed the lecture and who knows you may pass the grade one day.SPUNKY MONKEY
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've already said that I know I've got it good compared to a lot of people. I don't need a holiday to see people in poverty.
I'm trying to work out why I feel unhappy when I know that I've got a lot!
So please keep your look at the third world advice as I know that I have it good.
Jeez. I'm trying to understand my discontent, not be lectured.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): HiYou could stop been so greedy by treating yourself to a holiday in a destination where you see REAL poverty...you don't need me to explan this as i am sure you are an intelligent woman. I am not judging you just asking you to look at a different way of life and the reality of what is important. You may find that GIVING and helpng OTHERS fills a huge gap in your life. Good luck! Why not Try the christmas shoe box appeal ,fill a shoe box with toys and gifts for children who have nothing....Some kids now don't even open presents, a gift means nothing to them, the value has left because they are spoilt rotten,they get anything they want, when they want....and it ruins them and is unfair. I have seen christmas presents just tossed aside never taken out of the box ....so sad to see , they loose the excitment because it's so easy..and it's nothing new having a toy ...here is a possible answer...To find true value stop giving to yourself..the excitment of christmas has gone and new toys leave you empty.spunky monkey
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reader, empty-1  +, writes (4 September 2011):
There is actually a pretty simple, straightforward answer to this.If you get the house, you'll be thrilled, for about a year.If you get the wedding, you'll live in bliss, for about 6 months.If you got a better paying job, you'd live it up, until all of a sudden, you're living at your new means, and still dissatisfied.Did you know that greater than 90% of major lottery jackpot winners end up right in the same financial bracket they started in within 5 years? Most of them turn out miserable!Achievement will never produce long lasting happiness! Acquiring things will never produce long lasting happiness! The thrill of conquest, achievement, or acquisition is designed to be a temporary high! It is NOT the path to being happy!Human beings are by nature process oriented! The more you have to look forward to, the more you feel you are steadily progressing towards your goals, and the more time you can spend anticipating the next milestone, the happier your existence will be!If you want to be happy, content, and not crave more, you need a purpose, direction, drive, and goals! A real, principled purpose, something to strive towards for the rest of your life! You can make it selfish, or selfless, grandiose or modest. It needs to be something that keeps your interest, and can continue to do so indefinitely. It needs to be something you'll never have perfect, be done with, or complete.Then, with a purpose in mind, you can begin setting short, mid, and long term goals. With goals in place, you can begin achieving your milestones. Day by day, month by month, and year by year, your purpose will sustain you, renew you, and drive you. It will supply you with the thrill of achievement every time you reach one of your goals, and you can add additional incentive and reward. Set specific rewards for specific goals. Little rewards for short term goals, bigger ones for major achievements.You will find that spending your life in pursuit of a purpose (or more than one, if you so desire) will keep you motivated more steadily (yes, there will be setbacks and periods of demotivation), and you will grow and evolve as a human being. Over time, you may abandon one and pick up another, and that's ok too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right male anon, I didn't have a lot of money growing up. I worked all weekend from 13 to help my mum and dad out and have money for myself. There are things I want to do, but don't have the money. I'm currently saving as hard as I can. Thank you so much. You seem to know exactly what I'm feeling.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): I doubt it's money you really want.Let me take a guess. Growing up, your family didn't have a lot of money did they? I remember being in high school and if I wanted some money, like $8, to go see a movie it was kind of a big deal and I felt like I didn't want to ask my parents because I knew it would cause them trouble.To this day I HATE worrying about money. I do not need to live an extravagant life, but the thought that money may limit things I want to do really gets to me and bothers me sometimes.However, I really doubt that money is what you feel lacking in my life. When we are surrounded by security and life seems like it is fitting together, I think we often crave to take more risks. Probably there are things you want to do you are avoiding.Just like that old saying goes, "We never regret the choices we make. It's always the choices that we didn't make that we end up regretting the most".
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 You're scared of being depressed, because you think of the label you put on yourself. But listen, no one but you needs to think of you as depressed. You don't have to tell anyone. But the moment you admit it to yourself, you can put all these negative feelings on the depression. You don't even need to call it a depression, you can simply say you're going through a tough period. Or feeling down lately. Maybe you aren't depressed, who am I to tell. Only you know how you feel. If you don't think you are then the following might not be of interest. But if you're considering it a possibility, you can read the rest of my post. Once you know the cause of your unhappiness, you can begin to feel better. Sure, money is always comfortable, and sure, you could do things you want to do if you can afford more. And yes, stability is nice. But is a lack of this a reason to be miserable? To feel unfulfilled? Aren't you on your way to reaching these goals? Shouldn't you be happy you're on your way, and enjoy what you have so far, knowing you're young and have years to get everything else you want? Why feel down? You don't see a reason yourself for why you should feel so down by this. By such a standard everyone in the world would feel unhappy, unfulfilled, for as long as they live. And they aren't. People are capable of being happy without the world being perfect. If you feel generally unhappy about everything in life... then it is likely a depression creeping in. Depression can start in one place, and then take over to making you feel everything is hopeless, not worth it, not working, not good enough. And nothing changes that feeling. That's depression, seeing nothing good. However, being depressed is something most people go through in their lives. It's a feeling. It's not a mental breakdown. It's not the end of your sanity. If there is a serious depression you go to the doctor and get help, but by serious I mean at the point of thinking how to kill yourself. You're far from there.If this is a depression it is at the beginning stages, where you are still very much in control of yourself. You know you shouldn't feel the way you do. Accept it. Accept that your logic is right, you shouldn't feel the way you do. Accept that until you feel better, you need to listen to your head, your logic, and not your emotions. You need to focus on the good things you do have (which your logic points out) and not on the bad things (a depression will find something inadequate about everything). And then, you'll get through. It could be a depression caused by stress, because you haven't gotten things you wanted as soon or as early as you wanted them. Could be work pressure. Could be social pressure to get married, or family nagging or expecting things from you. It doesn't mean you are weak. Or that you're mentally disturbed. It just means that right now, you're not feeling ok. If you accept this, and accept that it's OK not at always be at top, you will begin to relax a bit and see things in a different light.Denying a depression, if you have one, will only make you push yourself harder to try and prove something. And then, since the depression doesn't go away just because you ignore it, you'll feel even worse because you added extra pressure. No harm in not being perfect. You don't have to tell anyone, you can keep it as a secret to yourself until you feel better. It is difficult to identify a depression until you've been through one and out the other side, looking back. And while in the middle of one it is very hard to see that you are depressed. I go through my periods, I call them my ups and downs. About one every other year, and it can last for a few months, maybe two months to 6 months (this is just me, everyone is different). It's not been diagnosed, but if I notice I have a particularly hard time feeling happiness about anything, I go to someone professional to talk. Just talking. I know I am entering a down-period when I can't feel happiness about things I should feel happy about, when nothing is good enough, and when I don't have the things I wish I had. And don't feel good about the things I do have! When in times like those I remind myself that it is one of my "downs", and that I'll get through it. Everything can be so sad when I'm down, and I can easily cry. So I cry, and get it out of my system. Then I remind myself that it is temporary, and reminds myself of all the things I do have. How things could.. well, things could be a heck of a lot worse. And nothing is ACTUALLY bad. No one died. No one got bankrupt or lost their job, or all their belongings got burned up in a fire.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think I'm materialistic as such. More money would be helpful as it would ease the strain of bills, make us more stable and mean that we could marry and start a family. It wasn't the 'things' I want so much as the stability money brings?
I am actively looking for better work, I don't just sit at home hoping for more, but its not as easy as I want, I get.
And I know it sounds stupid but I don't want it to be depression. The very word fills me with dread.... I hope its something else.
Thank you for your responses.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 September 2011):
Could be that either you are very materialistic, like you point out might be the case. But I lean more towards thinking you might be depressed. It could be a passing phase, or it could become more serious. How long have you felt unfulfilled and unhappy, despite knowing you have every reason to feel happy and content?
If you were purely materialistic you would want more money, yes, and you'd want a better job too, but not having these things wouldn't cause you to feel unfulfilled or unhappy. If you were very materialistic, but didn't have the extra money etc, you'd be struggling for more, working hard, saving up money, get these things you wanted, and be goal oriented until you got the things you wanted. You'd be a working horse, to put it that way. You wouldn't have time to feel unhappy, because you'd be working your ass off, and you wouldn't sit in a job you didn't like and complain about it.
Materialistic people are goal oriented, and they go and get what they want. They don't sit around and feel sad.
But, depressed people feel sad. Depressed people are feeling unhappy despite having everything they could ever wish for. Depressed people think they might want more, maybe something that would make them feel better, but they aren't sure of what, and just like you they wonder if this or that could make things better. Then they rarely do anything about getting this or that, or of they do get this and that they realize it didn't make them any happier at all.
First step to fighting depression is realizing that you are depressed, and then take the actions needed to fight it. Which first and foremost is working on yourself and tracking down your thoughts, and fight them instead of allowing them.
Come back to us if you do realize you are depressed, or find someone who can help you understand depression. Don't get spooked by everything you read online about depression.
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reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (3 September 2011):
You might want to consider that you may be depressed and seeking comfort from material items. If you are depressed you need to get to a Doctor and see if they can find a combination of medication that will relieve your depression and get you back to a level metal condition. Depression is very hard to self diagnose (nearly impossible the first time you have it).
Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): If misskhan is right, go try travelling and go to a 3rd world country. I recently went to bali and its crazy how different it is they live to us back home. You will feel how lucky you really are. Otherwise it could be something else missing such as social, love or spiritual aspect of your life. it could also be something as simple as a hobby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): Hey,It's not about greed. maybe greed plays a part in this but i think it mostly about the fact that you want the best of the best.But NEVER take anything for granted, you are lucky you get some sort of income, lucky that you have a nice home and a partner, lucky that you can wake up everyday.many people in our world would do anything for some sort of shelter, they live in the harshest places yet they are grateful that they are still alive.you need to be more grateful. look around you at everything you have, your clothes, food, everything and stop and think for a second, how many shoes do you have that you dont need, maybe wore once or purchased because it makes you look wealthier? look at everything and think if you really need it. no? then why do you have it?you dont always get what you want in life but sometimes you get better and you just need to acknowledge that.
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