A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am confused about my emotional reaction to a lovely guy I recently met by chance. It was on of those rare encounters where the physical attraction is so strong and obvious. We are both in our 30's and turns out to be single. To make a long story short, he initiated txting contact, the day we met. The txting became very flirty and funny and he talked about meeting up after txting for a couple of weeks. He always mentioned how extremely busy his life is with running two businesses and how stressed he is as a result. He said that he wants to be upfront and honest with me and that he does not want anything serious, but think we would have a lot of fun sexually. i have two children and don't feel like anything too serious at this point in time either, so I agreed to just have physical fun with him, which would suit me well. We arranged to meet up and he cancelled due to "illness" at the last minute. Following a few days of silence, he started sharing with me that he fantasises about me wearing sky high shoes and latex clothes etc. I am a vanilla girl but his kinks sounded like fun and I was accepting of his revelations. Interesting though, once we started talking about meeting up he also become more on-off in his communication (times of no communication). I started to get the idea that maybe he can't have sex without the props, hence the cancellations. He then spent £200 buying loads of stuff online and we finally met up. He revealed to me that he has had an alternative sex life in the past which was pretty wild and that he was never impressed with some people on his scene that was married or in relationships, since the two doesn't go together very well. He said that he got to a point where he wasn't finding that scene fulfilling anymore and does a lot less of that now. I appreciated his willingness to be honest with me. The sex was not that good for me. I enjoyed the fun aspect of dressing up and don't mind indulging his fantasies. His body is amazing and he kisses like a king! :-) I am very attracted to him physically and I think that sex with him could become very good with a bit of communication. What I didn't like was that I was fully dressed in latex throughout. He never touched or kissed my breasts and I never felt his bare skin against mine. He wanted to wear a condom for oral sex, he did not perform oral sex on me at all (I think he is worried about STD's). I understand wearing condoms for sex, but it seems really extreme for oral sex, especially considering that I have had less than 10 sexual partners in my life and always in committed relationships. I almost took the extreme caution a bit personally. I am not sure if I would enjoy sex with all those barriers, if it turns out that is all it could ever be. I could not orgasm without sufficient stimulation. I got very little, which is sad since I was dressing up etc to fulfil his fantasy. We shared many emotionally intimate moments, lots of deep conversation during the evening as well and had lots of fun. He borrowed DVD's from me etc before going home.I thought this would not affect me emotionally so much. However he has now gone in to one of his quiet patches again (the on-off thing) and I feel sad that he is not communicating with me much. This is irrational, I know and i have at not point put any pressure on him. I am now also giving him space. What I don't understand is why I am so emotionally effected and saddened that he is ambivalent and not interested in a relationship, when we did not even have good sex! Feeling sad makes no sense at all! I just want to feel better. can anyone help, please?
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breasts, condom, flirt, oral sex, orgasm, sex life, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Eddy Hannah +, writes (12 December 2012):
The guy sound's like a complete jellyhead! Has another "relationship" on the go, perhap's? Eddy. u.k.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 The sooner you part ways with this character, the better...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2012):
 First of all MAYBE the condom was not just for HIS sake, but for yours too? After all he DID tell you ha had a "rather" active kinky sexlife.
Saran wrap can be used if he doesn't want to go down on you without a barrier.
And honestly a guy who takes THAT great care of protecting him & you is not a bad thing. However, I would be honest and tell him the sex was nice, but it didn't do much for you.
He sounds a tad selfish - they hook up was all about him you were just a prop. I would feel rather disappointed too.
The thing is you can't expect a guy to KNOW automatically what turns you on and get you off, you HAVE to express that.
And I think... maybe casual sex is not really for you? You want more then just sex, otherwise I don't think you would feel the way you do. And I don't mean you want a relationship with THIS guy, but the idea of a relationship with the great conversations and sex seems to be what you want and NOT what you are getting. I think you need to re-think the Fuck-buddy thing with this guy.
And if you "think" you can do a F-buddy thing, find a guy who is more on par with you. As in.. more vanilla or you are just going to be the prop.
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