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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband has got a drinking mate who he sees occasionally. At Christmas I mentioned to him to see if him and his wife wanted to go to for a meal as a foursome as we hadn't done so for ages. The mate thought it would be a good idea and then nothing more was said and then the wife came up to me two months later (she talks to me occasionally) suddenly came up to me one day and said that her hubby had mentioned that I had spoken about going out for a meal sometime. I said yes that was right and she said ok fine whenever you want to do it let us know. Then one evening in Feb I wonder if I overstepped the mark as my hubby and the mate went out for a drink and said the wife would be there after going somewhere else. So I invited myself along. It was a good evening and I had to leave ten minutes after she turned up as we had a babysitter. She looked a bit shocked at me being there because she just thought it was going to be her hubby and my hubby. Anyway we said we would go out at some point and that it was up to her hubby to confirm the date as he was a lorry driver who did work late sometimes. The following week the mate went out with my hubby and on the way back after I had mentioned two dates to the mate, he said yes I will get something sorted and according to my hubby he was totally up for it.We didn't hear anything again after this. So we text him and said right 2nd or 9th March as I need to get a babysitter organised as you can get one easily and the mate said to me 'we can't get one that easily we have to book a month in advance'. Two weeks later I was talking to the mate on the phone about problems we were having with our roof and to see if we could borrow some tarpaulin from him, at the end of the conversation I asked what he had decided about going out and he said I can't do this Friday 2nd. I said well neither can we its too short notice. He then said they were pretty booked for a while and anyway we should get our roof sorted first before discussing a further date. So I left it and thought s*d it - you are both obviously not interested in going out even though you reminded me about it.However this week my hubby went out for a drink with his mate on Tuesday and the mate told him that the places he goes to lorry driving he then tends to arrange a weekend away every 6-8 weeks with his wife, his best mate and his wife and another couple and they dump their children on the grandparents and go away for the weekend and get slaughtered. When I heard this I thought 'do I really want to be friends with you, why couldn't you just say sorry we're not interested after all going out for a meal with you'.I know its stupid but I feel I've been lied to. They say they have to book a babysitter when they are bu***gring off every few weeks to enjoy themselves (which of course is up to them).So now I just feel like totally disowning them as friends (I don't mind my hubby still going out for a drink now and again) but why do I feel so annoyed and angry.Do I just leave it.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 No one likes to be snubbed and I guess that's how you're feeling. I would leave it now and let them get on with getting pissed! They don't deserve you as a friend, god knows you've tried often enough to make arrangements with them, just look at it as THEIR LOSS! There's no reason why you and your hubby can't go out to dinner though. Still have the kids watched and you and him go to a show then a meal afterwards. Then he can tell his mate what a great time you both had! ;o)
I'd forget about it though, it's not worth stressing out over.
Eve
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