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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi! I have a problem, and I don't know what to do with it.. :( So Im hoping someone out there has some advice for me..I have been dating this guy for the last two months now, he is 26 yrs. and I am 23. I like him alot, he is everything I want in a man. He is handsome, very nice, considerate, gentile, patient, understanding, loving, he does not smoke or drink, he is also a christian.... I have been out with him about 8 or 9 times. He has built a big three story house, in a brand new neighborhood, and he earns alot of money, and everything looks/is perfect.. Exept, my feelings...I really like him and all, and I know he really likes me 2, last night he asked me if he could give me a hug.. And we hugd... It was a bit weird or i feelt a bit embarrest sort of..., but it also felt right and good.. He told me that he thinks im a very special girl, and that I have very good morals, and that he really likes me....We always have a nice time together, and he is even romantic.. (candle lights on the table)... But I don't know what to do with my feelings.. One moment I am happy and feel like im floating on a sky, but when he drives me home, and i go to my bedroom, I feel sceard and sometimes even sick to my stomach.. I feel like i did something really bad, and it makes me feel sick, like there is a knot in my stomach and i feel like just dissapearing or never to contact him again.. :( But I don't really want that either.. :(I am very picky with guys, and I have never been in a "real" relationship.. Cause, I dont want the guys that want me. I am very pretty, tall, thin, long blond hair and blue eyes. And Im a nice and fun outgoing girl. But many times I feel that guys "want" me, in bed or as a trophy or something.. They sort of like me too quick... Not all have been like this, but it has made me a bit uncertain about their motives...Many times, its hard to be "that girl".. girls envy me, and i get alot of attention from guys.. Even when I dont want it. :( Im sort of afraid, and confused about all of this.. I know he thinks i am beautiful, and that he really likes me for me... But I still afraid to get involved with him...I think that my looks is what first caught his eye, like the rest of them... But I truly think he likes my personality as well...Why am I so sceard? Whats wrong with me? Why do I feel in love one moment, and sick to my stomack the next?I am so sceard to kiss him, even when I really want to, I am just so afraid I will get this awful feeling when i get home again after.... I dont really know what to do.. I just feel like beeing my mothers little girl again.. But then again, I do want him....What is this, what is happening to me? I want him to be mine, but I am sceard at the same time. We have talked alot about our morals, and he said he also want to wait to have sex untill he's marrid.... I believe him. He is a honest guy.How can I get rid of thees feelings that are enabling me to feel happy, like I know I should be...?Please give me some peace of mind..Sorry for writing such a long letter.. It's alot to read..(And sorry about my possible spelling mistakes, i live in europe, and english is not my main language.)~ Marie
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Listen to your intuition (pit in your stomach). Wait for the right relationship. It will come.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Marie,
Take it kindly from Tante Victoire, you'll have to settle eventually if you want to end up a married lady!
Every married lady has had to come eventually to this point in their girlhoods. Don't let others patronize you for it, sweet. They see the coloured cheeks and wrung hands and tease tease tease, but it's more than that, Tante knows, and it comes at different times for everyone. You are one luckyducky to be of the sort (who others like to call "Miss Picky) to whom this need happen only Once. You clearly know what you need (will see your True Heart when it shows) and that is Good. First hand of advice- never never give up on what is Right!
You have been dating him for only two months now. How long does marriage last! Do compare.
Wait and see if these unsure, troubling feelings still linger once the relationship length has doubled. When *four* months have passed, pause to reflect.
Has anything changed for the better? Or for the worse- er..
Consider your feelings, but also his. He asked permission for a hug? What a sweet! But how did that make him feel? Don't ignore His heart!
:) ...and perhaps also consider what your families think.
Don't rush yourself (don't let Anyone rush you! If it's meant to happen, it will happen! Marriage is long. Life is long!).
[A splinter: It sounds like he *may* be pressuring you to settle, with his mentions of the house that he's built, the amount of money he earns, etc... but I can't know for sure! He may just be commenting on important aspects of his life, dreams of his own future... I think you can "feel" if he is genuine or not, when he's talking to you, by his bodily gestures, the "look in his eyes", intonation of his voice, subjects he "randomly" brings up, etc... It's not neuroscience, some females are just Naturally good like that, and it sounds to Me, dearie, that you are one of them! It's not about being Suspicious. You deserve Honesty and the Everything you're waiting for.]
If you really enjoy yourself when you spend time with him, that's Excellent- continue to do so! He truly sounds a gem (...most guys Do Not share those dear morals).
Don't nervously toss him out just yet; perhaps relating to him these feelings you've been experiencing will bring some perspective and strengthen a promising relationship.
-Tante Vic
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Hi Marie,
You're obviously confused and insecure. I hope to give you some reassurance. I've never known any guys to ask permission for a hug. I can't think of a time I've ever done it and I'm considered a nice guy by pretty much everyone I know. That little gesture said a lot to me about his character. I think you've found a great guy there.
The reason you're feeling sick is because of your insecurities about his intentions. You're lumping him in with the other guys out there who would use you. He isn't those guys. If he is sincere about waiting to have sex till marriage, then it doesn't get much more moral than that. You're also scared because this is your first real relationship and the first time you're feeling a lot of the emotions that go with love.
Have you tried talking to him about what you're feeling? Have you told him you like him? Has he told you the same? Have you told him some of your fears? It may be time to if you haven't.
Being attractive will get you a lot of attention, both good and bad. A guy who's interested in you for just your looks would have already tried getting into your pants.
With all relationships, take it slowly. Don't go faster than you feel comfortable with and communicate your needs and wants with each other. Good luck, he sounds like a keeper to me.
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