A
male
age
30-35,
*inuraya
writes:Hi guysI got a group of friends in my college that i spend a significant amount of time for. These guys i am hanging out with refers to each other as "bros", but somehow, i... feel quite distant from them. I don't know why i feel this way. I am guessing that it is because i am quite an introvert.Yes, we hang out together, eat our lunch in the cantine and "we" chat with each other about... some funny articles a friend found on internet or how to hook up with one of the hot girl on campus (but we never take action).Eventough it seems that this group i am in, interact with each other quite frequently, i rarely get involved in the conversation. Somehow, i feel alone amidst my group of friends. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): Sounds like you have little in-common with the other lads; and they just give you something to do, and somebody to be around. They are actually giving you more than you realize.
They are opening doors for you.
You have to chime-in from time to time to remind everyone you're there; not just there to pitch in money for the next round. The quiet hometown boy, afraid of anything outside his familiar surroundings; and the house you grew-up in. Been there and done that.
I think you should speak-up and give your opinion as an exercise to get used to "openly expressing yourself."
Nothing you can say in a group of knuckle-heads is too stupid! They teach you how to let off steam, and you teach them how not to go too far.
Try to be carefree. That is what college-life adds to your life-experience; besides academics. You learn interactive and interpersonal skills. To enjoy freedom and being young!
You have to start somewhere. Being socially-awkward will not allow you to enjoy yourself throughout life. Too many people shy from life, and then complain how miserable it is.
You have to interact with people in order to have fun. It would be easy to just walk away like there's something wrong with them; but they have accepted you and welcomed you into the group. You'll never breakout of your shell; because you act like you're hiding something. You need these guys to help you open-up! They are therapy for someone too introverted.
I was like you. Maybe worse. It took being around guys like you know who helped me to stop being so serious, hiding from ridicule, and crippled with shyness. They didn't judge me or tease me. They did persist in making me get out of my books, talk to people, and mingle with humanity. I finally did, and I now have memories I will cherish until I leave this existence. Don't waste your youth young man! I have friends I've had longer than you've been on this earth!
Allow yourself to loosen-up. They made you a part of the "bros" because they like you. Even if you are the quiet fellow in the group. You bring something they need. You keep them tamed and you're calm. They have to have the sensible-guy in the group that doesn't completely screw-up, or there will be no one to catch them when they spin out of control. You're the stabilizer. You are important to them.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't find people you feel more comfortable and relaxed around. You should have all types of people as friends, of different ethnic groups and personalities.
Keep your bros around to keep you from being too self-contained and shy. It's part of becoming a man.
Let only the good stuff rub-off on you. Don't judge them badly, if they don't judge you! If they don't get into trouble, there is no issue having them as friends.
You need to learn how to have fun from people who know how.
You need comrades of all-types, to keep you flexible and tolerant. There are too many people hiding behind shyness, then complaining about the loneliness it brings. Appreciate friendship, even if it makes you a little uneasy. Just my opinion.
A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (16 August 2014):
some people are quite selective with friends .
I know I am , I have a decent amount of friends ( people I could hang out with ) But I only have a handful of mates ( people I can be myself with and have a laugh with)
So maybe these types or lads aren't the ones you truly get on with and that's why you feel indifferent .
But when I am with the friends I tend to get bored of the conversation as its just not my thing.
Yet with my handful of mates they actually interest me.
Just means your selective to who you like I guess.
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