A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. We started dating in high school so of course back then we weren't thinking about marriage and children. I have always wanted to wait anyways until I was done with school (college too) and had a good career. Well now I have graduated and have a great career. We are still young but I am soooo ready to start my life with him. We talk about kids and marriage all the time. Our parents live right down the street from each other and since we are still young he lives with his. I stay with him most the time. I still have all my things, get ready, etc at my house. I find myself nagging him ALL the time about moving out and getting married. I know it's annoying and I catch myself doing it and try and tell myself to not. It's so hard though. He says he's waiting until we have the finances to do so but I make enough I could afford my own place. He has his own business so he always says he needs to wait until it's more stable. Thinking about this now it sounds dumb but I just feel stuck.. I feel like no matter what we will never have the amount of money we want. I would be fine with getting a place and having no money to do extra things because I just want my life with him to start. I hate being with him at his parents house and never feeling like I have privacy, I can't do what I want (like walk around naked lol) I just don't know if should keep waiting or if things will ever change.. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?? Also, because of him having his own business it makes finding a house harder bc it has to have a little land and room to build a building. When I nag about moving I don't need a huge expensive place. I'd be happy with something affordable/small. I just want us to have a life, not with our parents. I mean we've been together for 7 years!!!
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 If you are wanting to move out of your parents to be on you own, then by all means find a place. But if its to have a life with the BF, then put it on hold as he is not where you are. Also you can save for a deposit to buy your own place. Don't move out for the wrong reasons.
You probably going to have to re-evaluate your relationship as this guy seems to be far from being financially stable and it is a problem for you as you want certain things he is not ready to give you. The on going argument about him getting his own place, you want marriage and kids, will eventually destroy the relation until either you accept the status quo or your BF comes around and give you what you want. Think long and hard because as there is no pint being in a relationship where there are consistent arguments and no peace and happiness.
A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis  +, writes (16 August 2014):
 You wanted to wait until you had a great job, now it would seem that he wants to wait until his business is stable. You wanted the same thing, his is just taking longer than yours did.
You also said you could afford your own place and you wrote it as "my own" not "our own".... Maybe you should move out on your own and assess how much longer you want to wait for marriage; his business might flop after 3 more years of trying to make it stable enough and you might not get married. It might thrive after another 2 years and you may get married.
Either way, marriage before children looks best in this situation, just to create a bit of a foundation in this relationships that is lacking at the moment - which is what I think you're now noticing.
I'd say move out on your own, but don't let him sponge if he suddenly wants to stay most of the week and not contribute to rent or bills. Then, after you're settled in, consider how long you're willing to wait to be married.
...............................
|
