A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,Before I say what I'm going to say, I would really appreciate it if harsh comments were not written here, I really would just appreciate advice and such, rather than things that I do not wish to hear as I probably already expect it out of some people.I am not a mean, cruel or evil person, but for some reason, over the past year or so, I take pleasure in ruining people's relationships. I do not know whether this is a result of my past traumatic experiences, but I think it can not be as my bad experiences and difficult past has nothing really to do with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.Here is an example of what I mean, several times I have been seen as a threat in my guy friends relationships and the girlfriends tend not to like me, the truth is with these guys, my intentions were merely friendly, but seeing the effect it made and the jealous it enraged within these girls, made me want to annoy them even more. It's not the attention thing, believe me, I know everyone enjoys attention occassionally, as do I, but generally speaking I always try to draw attention upon someone else if ever it is on me.Also, If i have my eyes on a guy, where ever that may be, if i find out he has a girlfriend, I see it as more of a challenge, and would "get in there" regardless of whether he is in a committed relationship or not.Don't get me wrong, if the girl is ever my good friend I would never dream of doing such a thing. It's weird really. I truly am a TRUE friend when it comes to someone I love, i would give my life up for my true friends and the ones I love, and would NEVER go NEAR a boyfriend or partner if the girl was a good friend of mine. However, it's not just boyfriends - if I have my eyes upon a man (which is usually, as men are my ideal partners) who someone tells me happens to be married, I would simply give him the eyes and see his reaction, and in the past the man has winked at me, or tried it with me in some sense.Please, I am not a horrible person, I do not understand why I am like this. Is this a big problem? If so, what could be the cause? I just want to know. Thank you
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Ironically, its coming from your own jealousy of other people. You are just a very jealous person. Jealousy of others comes from how you feel about your own inadequacies as a person. You are just a very insecure person and this is the only thing you have found you can resort to to make you feel better about yourself. Unfortunately it is a very unhealthy way to channel your insecurities. Some people when they feel insecure, do things like work out, or do charity or make people smile, in order to feel better about themselves. But your route is to make others feel miserable. I think the reason you have chosen this way of dealing with your insecurities is based on the way you were raised and the values that you were instilled with or are lacking. You probably didn't have very positive and righteous role models to look up to when you were growing up. You were probably hurt growing up in alot of the same ways that you try to hurt others. Perhaps its all you know. And I bet it all started with your family. You might have been bullied or put down by your own family members and may have had to deal with alot of passive aggressiveness directed towards you. You might have been someone else's punching bag and now you are taking it out on other girls. What you need is discipline and a scornful eye upon you of someone you respect. But if your family isn't in the right state of mind to discipline you, then you might have to fight this battle on your own. The fact that you channel your insecurities through being jealous and hurting others is something you are going to have to consciously work at trying to change. I think its possible that as you mature and go through your own life experiences you can definitely change. But in the meantime, I would consciously focus on putting those feelings you have of hurting others into other more productive activities. Maybe instead of putting people down, try to do the opposite and make people smile and make them happy and be a good person. Just try it. If you try it, you're going to see that the rewards are so much better and fulfilling than what you are resorting to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): "I am not a mean, cruel or evil person, but for some reason, over the past year or so, I take pleasure in ruining people's relationships"... no harsh comments from me, you've hurt yourself enough over this thing.
You like the excitement of a challenge, it makes you feel strong, it makes you feel powerfull. You feel great when you can change the world to suit yourself, you get to play God, you love to play games. This dosen't seem to be anything to do with love or attraction, it's more of a "I AM POWERFULL, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT"
No problem, being clever, powerfull, seductive and manipulative all has it's place, but your turning it to the wrong things. Can you divert your strong power into other things, like hurting people who hurt you or your friends, getting a good job and getting to the top. There is no problem with your actions if it's diverted into something that makes the world a better place. Why not join a charity or a voluntary group and use your powers to fight injustice and get them more funds.
You need to stop using your power on your friends, eventually people will hate you, you'll loose all your friends, you'll get a reputation, and people will avoid you and you'll be left alone. This is what I call a "BITCH", but it's not wrong, it's just used in the wrong place. Take care of you, be good.... LOL.... Be bad, but be bad to the right people. Hugs.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): "I am not a mean, cruel or evil person, but for some reason, over the past year or so, I take pleasure in ruining people's relationships"... no harsh comments from me, you've hurt yourself enough over this thing.
You like the excitement of a challenge, it makes you feel strong, it makes you feel powerfull. You feel great when you can change the world to suit yourself, you get to play God, you love to play games. This dosen't seem to be anything to do with love or attraction, it's more of a "I AM POWERFULL, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT"
No problem, being clever, powerfull, seductive and manipulative all has it's place, but your turning it to the wrong things. Can you divert your strong power into other things, like hurting people who hurt you or your friends, getting a good job and getting to the top. There is no problem with your actions if it's diverted into something that makes the world a better place. Why not join a charity or a voluntary group and use your powers to fight injustice and get them more funds.
You need to stop using your power on your friends, eventually people will hate you, you'll loose all your friends, you'll get a reputation, and people will avoid you and you'll be left alone. This is what I call a "BITCH", but it's not wrong, it's just used in the wrong place. Take care of you, be good.... LOL.... Be bad, but be bad to the right people. Hugs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 July 2008):
Hmm, I think this is more about the way girls have treated you in the past. You enjoy feeling power over them.
If it was about male attention and the feeling you could "have any man" then you would do it to your friends too.
However you are aware that this behaviour is wrong and is causing pain. That is a good thing because you have come here to see how you can change. Well done.
You basically just have to recognise when you are doing it and stop. When you feel the urge to do it then step back, breathe and ask yourself what you are gaining from this. It's a learned behaviour, you need to unlearn it. It's not about getting loved more or anything, it's about you.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Well i can see were your coming from as the whole having something your not allowed is appealing but in the long run your proberly start to feel real crap about yourself. It's proberly fun for you to have a challenge on your hands see if you can pull the married guy or get your male friends gf jealous, but honestly you cant go on in life like that as you will never be able to have a true trusting relationship. Put yourself in there shoes, what if some other girl was trying to get your man how would you feel? Its not a nice way to be seen by others. If you have been hurt in the past that could be it. Have u been cheated on? as this could be a way of you dealing with that. It can be seen as a big problem as the more you do this and the more people learn your like this they will distance themselves from you.
...............................
|
