A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I have never had a relationship with someone that I met IRL walking down the street, via a friend, etc. Every guy that I have dated, I have met online or through a dating service. I believed that this was because I am morbidly obese, and a lot of guys aren't into that.I have had some good relationships, but ultimately, we weren't right for each other and they didn't last more than 2 years max.Lately I met 2 men. One man was in his early 40s and didn't know what he wants in life. He also lived as a border in a house and didn't have any ambitions to really live on his own. We had very good chemistry and so much in common, but he became so flakey. He ended up telling me that he is ambivalent about me because of his psych meds. :( We ended up stopping our dating. I was not really attracted to him, but I did like his personality, aside from the ambivalence aspect.I met another man who had been in prison, but I thought he was a good guy who had just done time. We got along great at first, and he came on so very, very, strong. He was talking love very soon. Then, all of a sudden, he texts me that I am too maternal and to forget about him. He was really cold towards me. I haven't replied to him cause he just seems really upset. I don't understand how he can like me in the morning, and by the evening tell me how horrible of a person I am.I try to accept the guys for who they are as people, and not be superficial. I tend to be the type of woman that offers to go dutch when on blind dates. I do think that I have a pretty face, but my weight is 300 lbs, so, I know that is a turn off for some people. It is so weird cause every guy that I meet at first raves about how unique my personality is and how much they like me.I am feeling pretty low right now. I feel like I am very kind and caring and loving, and yet, I can't seem to find someone that will like me for me. I feel like the men I have dated recently all have had major issues with being on their feet and taking care of themselves. I have friends who date, but they have people approaching them IRL all of the time, and I don't. I think I am pretty, smart, funny, very down to earth and easy to be around. I consider myself a relaxed type of person. I really wonder if I am meant to be alone because it seems like me and men just don't mix very well. :( I am frustrated because I see a lot of other women who may not have the same interests and ambitions but who have men falling all over them.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I think you've got to be a bit more care free and take a few risks. You've already pointed out all your good points so that's a good start. Just get out there and start dating. Maybe have friends set you up etc... if it doesn't work out who cares! You will find somebody who will appreciate you eventually just take a few risks.
I recommend not doing the online dating thing because most of the time those things don't work out. It's much better to get to know a person in real life right from the beginning. Be a bit brave, you can do it.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (21 November 2010):
 You sound like a really great gal with a lot of great things going for you. To be honest, your weight seems to be the only thing that may be holding you back from meeting the type of guy you deserve. As unfair and superficial as that is... guys are more visual than females.
Have you gone to a doctor that specializes in medical weightloss? I'm not talking about doctors who specialize in surgical weight-loss, but the ones who treat weight loss through medications, a healthy diet, and exercise? It's very likely you have a slow metabolism or thyroid problem... which is compounded by a poor diet and sedentary lifestyle.
Unless you are completely happy with your size, I would work on your weight for a while. The aim is not to be stick thin... just out of the morbid obese zone which is very dangerous to your health. Not only will you be healthier, I think you will find a lot more men showing interest in you.
Whatever you decide to do... you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. Do not settle for less then you deserve! Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I know what it's like to feel fragile and desperate to play your cards right. But I always fall backs to my home spun, and slightly self depreceating, philosophy of you've got behind to loose just throw yourself out there and if it lasts it does, if it doesn't then it was never going to so don't be hung up
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I understand your dilemma - I'm not sure what is more scary myself - being on my own or risking meeting another man with "issues" who doesn't want me. It is very wearing on one's self-esteem when a guy who has problems chooses to be on his own than in a relationship with you. BUT you have to ask yourself why you are "choosing" guys with issues. It's probably because you yourself have low self esteem so you are "choosing" these guys as you think a guy with issues is all that you deserve. These relationships will never work - its a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not much help, sorry. But perhaps it will help to know that others feel the same way.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I feel like I am really honest with men, but, even though I admit that a lot of women may not have dated them giving some of the issues they had, they still end up leaving me. It really is wearing on my self-esteem as I am now frightened of both meeting an even crazier guy and of being alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): It's really easy for men who just want casual to claim "I don't know what I want" yes, yes they do... If they were seeking a long term relationship they would know that and if they wanted casual fun they would know. The only way they couldn't is if there was some factor in there life that they were keeping secret that made tht decision for them but they didn't want to share.
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