A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused by how I always manage to attract older married men. Don't get me wrong I do get alot of offers from younger guys too but for some reason I really manage to attract the guys I shouldn't. I'm 20 and I work in a well known leisure centre, have been there nearly two years always been quite shy but built up my confidence in the last few months. However for about the past year i've had 4 married/attached managers try it on with me. I'm friends with them all and everyone at work is very friendly with each other (this place is a bit incestuous) but for some reason all of them have tried to have some sort of affair with me, all under different circumstances. I just don't understand why me I know that they have not tried it on with anyone else at work and non of them know about the others. One of them calls me his soul mate, another wants a proper relationship once he's out of him current one, the other just wants some excitement in his life and the fourth i don't know what he wants. They all have their reasons but I don't know why they all come to me?
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affair, at work, confidence, incest, shy, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): It's not you, it's them, and the workplace is toxic. Places like this do exist, where everyone seems to be trying to screw everybody else, in one way or another.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): There's a lot more to this answer than simple physical attraction, men being prone to temptation and opportunity. Obviously you are a young and attractive woman,however there are plenty of upstanding men in committed relationships with children who DONT act inappropriately with other women and who are not intent on cheating on their partners. We tend to attract similar partner's or relationships as those we witnessed from our parents growing up. This sets the subsconscious mind up for what feels familar. If we felt abandoned as children by one or both parents we may subconsciously attract unavailable potential partners (ie married / emotional distant therefore not able to fully love and meet your needs) Consequently men who's fathers were emotionally unavailable tend to re-enact this later in life by not fully committing to their relationships/ children. (If you want to learn more about this google 'repetition compulsion', there's plenty of material about this on the net). Its the mind's way of trying to re-enact past hurts so they can put right. We may behave in ways not conscious to us, attracting these sorts of situations, perhaps by not having strong personal boundaries and then the other person will think that you are available for this type of interaction. If you don't feel comfortable with this type of attention you need to speak up. This type of behaviour in the workplace is sexual harrassment and should stop. Failing that, you should raise this behaviour with your manager as many workplaces around the world have policies for dealing for this type of unwanted sexual attention. Best of luck in your situation, you deserve to be treated with respect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): Its rotten when you go to work, a job you like, then get these idiots approaching you!
They are just trying their luck with a good looking,fit girl. I used to say 'Oh I thought you were married', and then 'I only date single men,sorry, I have standards'
Just end the conversation or change the subject.They will soon get the message that your nobodys sloppy seconds!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 You would be surprised. Some of the women who tell you that they aren't approached, are lying to you. Some of the women who look like wallflowers are someone else's mistress. And for the record, most workplaces are as incestuous as yours. Who do you think these guys are bedding? Those women you talked with! Some of them get around and are just hiding this fact to protect their secrets or there are some mighty busy women out there who just sleep with EVERYBODY. It's becoming more and more obvious to the people generating statistics that men exaggerate and women hide facts.
You would think a leisure centre might have something to do with it? Not necessarily. My husbands office was at a major accounting firm, you know, the one's with the forever interchanging and merging names, and the stories that he came home with were truly despicable. Men sleeping around when they have three children at home, after moving them overseas making them ex-pats and separating them from their family; one child fighting cancer, and yet he has an affair and a BABY by someone else working with him. And the "new" wife complaining about having a blended family afterwards; like she had no idea she was bedding a married man!!! Cheek.
You are wondering why they approach you.
Why you?
Why not!
You must be youngish and fit; and OBVIOUSLY attractive to men if 4 people are trying to cheat on their wives with you.
And you are there! Being there means you are approachable and available to flirtation.
Why on earth would you question why they approach you?
The fact is, if they are behaving badly, which you obviously are aware of, and you know their motives, you are smarter than they are.
The first thing that you SHOULD do is be a strong woman. If you smell bulls*** and don't want to put up with it, then don't allow them to entertain themselves by ALLOWING them to approach you at all. You might be giving people the wrong impression in general by putting up with these approaches.
You need to be firm when someone approaches you improperly. Practice some lines that include things like - "This is my job", "I am here in a professional capacity" and "You must realize that I am here strictly for work". And then - the next time someone does approach you - SHUT THEM DOWN. People talk, which might be part of the problem. You aren't being firm and they are getting the wrong idea by your friendliness.
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