A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (of now 4.5 years) was a bit stupid.After one year of the relationship, he kept saved pictures of his ex semi-naked and met up with her secretly behind my back (but did not physically cheat). Anyway, after I found out we had a big row and decided to give it one last go. Other than a reduction in my trust a little, otherwise been fine and he hasn't seen or text her since. However, when asking why he was still not committing to me now he said he couldn't see the future properly with me because he had reduced going out with his friends because of my trust problems and he didn't want to upset me (never had I actually refused to let him go out or anything, just how he felt). So I have since tried my best to be extra supportive When he wants to go out, sending happy texts etc. However, there is still no talk about moving in together and i am starting to feel like i have to be 100% perfect for no gain. Do I give up on this relationship or what am I supposed to do? It occupies my thoughts about 70% of the time and I am now exhausted thinking about why do I appear so imperfect to him that he can't imagine moving in together. please advise :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): You have been living in a relationship for 4.5 years waiting for something magically to happen to change it to make you happy. You're just a live-in maid. You probably cook and clean for him. You work and help to pay bills. You do his filthy laundry, and you make love to the selfish bastard.You've become co-dependent and addicted to this unworthy man. Like a drug, you cling to him; needing and yearning his love. He outright told you he couldn't see you in his future, and he will not commit to you. Do you really want him that badly, or is it that you can't deal with his rejection? You wait as if time will change him into the man you really want. It isn't going to happen. You're wasting your time and you are giving him much more than he truly deserves. Texting happy thoughts isn't going to make him behave when he's out. Hanging around isn't going to make him commit to you. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR YOUTH AND YOUR HEART IS BROKEN!!!You've convinced yourself that putting up with this is better than being alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. You are already alone. You just won't face it.You are your own prisoner. You have cut yourself off from real love. Neglected your heart and soul, by clinging to a man who doesn't even love you. Read your own post. Read it again and again. Look at the sad words pouring from hour heart.Wake up. Gather what dignity you have left. Pack your things and leave this guy. Start focusing on yourself. Rebuild your self-esteem. The only person in this world responsible for your happiness is you. Love yourself enough to get out of this bad relationship. Allow yourself a new beginning. Time to heal and recover. Move forward and gather up new strength. Prepare for the future.You will learn in time that you don't need other people to be happy. You can't center your world around another person. You have to be a whole person unto yourself. You'll notice that men will treat you differently when they know you are aware that you don't need them. Your desperationand neediness is slowly killing you.You are worth happiness. You deserve to be loved, but you will find it when you leave him and open yourself to the world to allow other men into your life. Then the man who is really meant for you will have the chance to meet you.No relationship is going to work for you, until you love yourself. If you find a relationship doesn't offer what you want and need, you have to move on without it. You don't just give in to it. You have plenty of time on your hands, just waiting around for him. Eventually; common sense will overcome your heart, and drive you toward your freedom and independence.Some women just have to learn the hard way. I don't wish that for you. I hope you find courage to move on and that you'll fall in love with someone who loves you back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): OP you call him your boyfriend. What kind of commitment are you looking for? Are you not committed and exclusive now?
Now to be honest OP after a 4.5 year relationship, him not seeing a future with you does sound like the end to me.
OP you need to figure out what it is you want, if you know then it would help if you explained to us as I'm a bit confused. If he knows what you want and is not going to give it you then you need to know if there's something you can do to change his mind, if he says no or he doesn't know. Then frankly why stay in a relationship that's going nowhere?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): What a childish thing for your boyfriend to say. Yes your trust is reduced. Carrying naked pics of your x and communicating with her. What the hell here??? You deserve better than this limp bullshit story. Don't accept it or buy this nonsense. Relationships are about trust between two people who willing want to be together with each other and not have fantasied relationships of past boyfriends or girlfriends on their iphones. He hasn't grown up as a adult or he is a pathological liar and you don't need to put up with this. Sit him down and ask him for a committed relationship. If he cant produce, pack this relationship up and hit the road. Hold him or make him accountable for his actions. And tell him why. Good God woman your not the welcome lady with free gifts and trial packages.. Leave this dork and move on. Your a great women who deserves a better man and yes they are out there get moving now. Good-luck..
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