A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone give me advice?I am in a relationship wit a girl that i love a lot, but I start to feel scared when me and my girlfriend get close emotionally. It was like this 4 months ago and I ended up cheating on her. I want me and my girlfriend to be together but sometimes I do feel trapped. I have been in relationships in the past where I have been in love and then the relationships have broken down due to them cheating on me.I feel that all the time I am pushing my girlfriend away from me and I know it is hurting her, I dont want to do it which is why I am asking for advice. Is there anyone that could help me sort my head out?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): What you are doing is protecting yourself. You say you have been in relationships before where your partner(s) cheated on you and you got hurt.
It sounds to me as though you are tempted to push your current gf away before (in your own sub-conscious mind) SHE pushes YOU away. The fact is that your old history is rearing its head and frightening you. You don't want to be afraid of getting hurt, but this is the fear that causes your behavior.
Understanding what is going on is the first step toward dealing with it.
Second, and very important, is to build the trust you and she have and to be able to talk openly about things that are important to you both in your relationship. I hope you can talk to her about your fear without implying that you don't trust her, however, just tell her its happened before and it makes you a little scared, but at the same time, you love her and value what you have together.
If you can be confident that she will listen with an open mind and not judge you or be critical, but supportive, this will go a long way toward helping you overcome your fear of being close emotionally.
I forgot to add that in any relationship, its also important that you give one another space. What I mean by that is that there are times when she wants to spend an evening on her own, or go out with her friends; and by the same token, maybe you have things to do, have an evening with your mates, too. This is healthy and normal, that you enjoy the time you're together, and that you recognize you are individual people who can't (and shouldn't) be together 24/7.
Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, AngelEyes420  +, writes (28 March 2007):
Best thing to do is to face your fear - head on. If she's willing to help you through it in some way, you know she really loves you too.
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A
female
reader, Lady tinks +, writes (27 March 2007):
 By the sounds of things your not too sure on your feelings toward her and its scaring you because you want to be close. Maybe you should take a bit of time out for yourself untill you can figure out what it is you truely want. It sound to me that you are wanting freedom which means you may not be ready for a relationship. things will come together soon enough hun, just take your time and good luck x x x
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A
male
reader, rossiboy confessions +, writes (27 March 2007):
 hi there u say u feel trapped and being suffocated is wat ur feeling i feel you are insecure you feel you may have to hurt her before she hurts you, you don't want to get to attached in your head at times because you don't want to get hurt, you need to deal with the past put it to bed and move on it wont happen over night and it takes hard work and graft but if love your girlfriend as much as you u say you do , you an motivate yourself towards that talking about this to your girlfriend might help aswell and can moveo n together because relationships are about unity through good bad nd not so pretty good luck i wish you best yours sincerly rossiboy
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