A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do I always have to be the one to initiate sex with my girlfriend. And 99% of the time she comes up with some type of excuse not to have sex with me. This has been going on for the last year and a half and I am getting sick and tierd of feeling like a total useless slob. it is at the point where all I want to do is pack my bags and leave. But deep down inside I still feel that I love her. Any advice would help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 She needs to know that you will leave if she doesn't have sex with you. Having sex with you on a reasonably regular basis - say not less than 2 or 3 times a week - is a necessary part of the implicit deal that you have when you agree to be monogamous. Once you have to beg for it all respect is gone.
Don't say it directly that way because it will sound needy but start talking about how your life lacks interest and adventure and that you think it;s time that you go off and do some boys stuff on your own.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 The shine has gone off this relationship. She is either not satisfied with the lovemaking and so can NOT now be bothered doing it. Or her libido is so much lower than yours that any love making is a chore for her.
You are correct re your implied hypothesis = yes if a girl still feels very positive/loving towards her partner in a relationship then = She WILL initiate sex. And she will be enthusiastic about the lovemaking.She will not continually over months find excuses to say ''no''.
Sit her down for a chat about 'where is
this relationship going?'' Keep the doscussion rational. Assertive but not accusatory. And no name calling.
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A
male
reader, tone +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I know this problem. Maybe just masturbate in the bed with her. If she wont get off with you then play with yourself and maybe it will turn her on. At least it be a way to break the cycle of you asking and her knocking you down. You can be transgressive by pleasuring yourself without her. Ask her to touch you while you are doing it.
It's worked for me.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Well find out why she doesnt want to have sex? Maybe try to romance her? Take her out to dinner, get her flowers have her dress up, bring her home watch her favorite movie. If she still wont have sex with you then there is some big issue shes not talking about. Normally a girl loses interest because she wants to feelsexy to be lavished with romance. SO you could try it :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Maybe she feels she needs to be romanced. Do you 'romance' her? Just starting up sex by kissing, or groping isn't always the biggest turn on. I would try initiating sex in a different way than the norm. I've been in the same situation, and just being a little creative helped. She totally turned around, and our love life was sparked up again.
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