A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help! I've recently started dating this guy that I dated previously (about 10 years ago). The only reason we stopped dating previously was because we had both been recently divorced and not really looking for anything serious. We stayed in touch but back in Nov. started seeing each other seriously again. I recently moved in with him too. he is such a wonderful, caring guy and I know he loves me a lot. He's VERY faithful and true but here's my problem...I keep looking at all the negative things about him and never find anything positive about him! I hate that he sleeps 11 hours a night,falling asleep at 8:00 while we're watching TV together and that he's kind of a home body unless it's playing golf with the guys or going to a race! I hate that he doesn't take care of his teeth the way I do and I even have to keep after him to go get a teeth cleaning!I like to be very active all the time and try to get him to go camping or hiking or even go to plays or see an orchestra or symphony but he never initiates anything! I'm the one who ALWAYS initiate anything we do..unless it's going out to dinner!! Those are just some examples of the things I find fault in him about! Why can't I find the good things about him? I have a good life with him and he is so good to me! We live in a really great location and I don't have to worry about anything so why can't I be happy with what I have?? I was in a 3 1/2 yr relationship before him and I loved that guy sooo much but he really hurt me and I find myself saying well so and so would never be like that and he would do these things with me... and on and on. Is my problem that I'm not over him??? Please give me some advice so I can move on and be happy!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Clearly, you're trying to scuttle you "new" relationship before it gets any chance to succeed. YOU will have to determine why.....
HOWEVER, consider that it it quite common for one person in a relationship to believe that they can - and should - CHANGE that other person.... "for their own good."
IF you can overcome this aspect of your relationship, THEN you might be able to salvage something of it. IF you CAN'T reconcile this... then kiss off THIS "relationship" and go on to the NEXT ONE (which you - in all likelihood - will also scuttle).
Good luck....
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