A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Every girl I've ever had a crush on for the past ten years, I've met online.It's not that I don't meet many girls in real life, I do; I just can't have the same conversations with them, they tend to be too "normal", or at least they try too hard to be. It seems very hard for me to find out anything significant and special about them. Online, however, it seems so much easier to find like-minded people.I've had two relationships; I met both of my girlfriends online. I was attracted to their ideas and conversational style above all; that's just how it works for me, those are the things I value in relationships. I prefer to get to know people from the inside out rather than the opposite.Both relationships lasted several years, but ended because of cheating on the girl's part.I had posted another question related to this, but for some reason it was rejected. It was about my current crush, a girl I met on a forum; she lives in another country, is very friendly, but doesn't like me in any special way; and yet, I ended up developing a crush on her anyway.That's the straw that broke the camel's back. Meeting girls online has its advantages, but it's not worth it anymore for me. I just want to be able to get close to a girl in real life. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): Because they aren't real.
Online is a fantasy you have, projected onto a voice or a text profile, not a real person, not a real relationship.
Easy to fall for the fantasy woman.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): I have the same problem, all my boyfriends i met online. Im with my current boyfriend for 4 years and i met him online to
Sometimes it bugs me when i think, if i met this guy in real life, he wouldnt like me
Why dont u see what makes u more "appealing" online. is it your openess, your confidence, is it easier to talk online, etc. Why dont u swap email address with girls when u first meet them? That way you can start talking to them and have the same conversations to build the relationship?
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 You're not doing anything wrong, there's no right or wrong in life.
I think you have an affinity to girls online because when you meet someone online, and you don't know a lot about them, your mind starts to fill in the blanks with those qualities you want the most out of a partner.
Also, where do you meet online girls vs the real life girls? I ask that because it seems to me that your online girls come from forums/websites where you already have a common ground to start from...so naturally you will find more to talk about and you're more likely to click with them.
If you'd like to meet more women in real life, perhaps a hobby/club/sporting team might be the go? That way you'll be surrounded by women with similar interests to you and you can start off things with a friendship first.
And finally, don't beat yourself up too much about all this. You just haven't found the right girl yet. What would happen to all of us if the first guy/girl we talked to was the right one?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply, CW. Actually, my problem is not so much the way I come across offline - or at least I don't think so. I've gotten a lot of interest from girls I've met in real life first; I just wasn't interested in them at all.As you've pointed out, body language (and looks, I should add) play a decisive role in face-to-face interaction; these two things are precisely the ones I value the least in people. It seems as if it was much easier for people in real life to put on an act than to truly show themselves.Most girls I've met in real life have a strong tendency to stick to small talk and superficial conversation, even after we've already known each other for a good while. I just can't find a way to get to know them deeper than that. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
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