A
female
age
30-35,
*ofulove
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for more than two years now. He is turning 21 while I am 18. We have a 5 month old son together.When we first started going out, i never really took notice of whether or not he watched porn, but when I bought a laptop and internet I noticed he was on whenever i was in bed. So sometimes i would pretend to fall asleep but get into a position where i could see what he was looking at. But even thought he thought i was asleep he would always be in a position where I could not see the screen. So sometimes i would pretend to go to the toilet but he would always exit the screen when I moved. One time he minimized and I said "what are you doing?" and he would reply with "nothing" so I looked and grabbed the laptop off him to find girls posing on cars! I said why are you on this. and he said he was looking at cars cuz I know my boyfriend is really into cars and he said he thought the thumbnails were pictures of cars so he went into it. I checked the history and he had gone into at least 3! It was complete bulls*** cuz i looked at the thumbnails on the page before and they were huge. You could tell exactly what the pictures were of.. But i let him get away with it convincing myself he told the truth.He then promised he wouldn't do it again. But then I found "Redtube" in the search bar another time and he blamed his little brother. But i asked him and his brother said it wasn't him cuz I told him i would not care if he was looking at porn as long as it is not my boyfriend. Again I tried to convince myself even thought deep down i still know it's not true.Then when he went back to his family for a few days [our families live 8 hours apart and we both live together at my parents house] he came back and i asked if he had watched porn or jerked off since he was gone. he said no how when I had the laptop. But the i searched his phone and found redtube on there! PC is one thing but to watch it on a tiny phone screen??!He again denied it.Then a few months later after i our baby we had the house to ourselves. I noticed he would always wake up really early to use the internet. I always checked the history to see what he had been looking at and it was usually fights or dancing videos like break dance, hip hop.. when oneday i found "hottest asian dancer ever" in the history and a couple of other videos with skanky asian sl*ts dancing. it was always asian. i am asian myself and my bf is also asian but i do not watch this stuff of guys. He brushed it off saying oh i didn't mean to go into it i was looking up dancing and clicked it acidentally. I said yeh whatever don't let me catch you again. then a few days i found he had actually TYPED in "sexy asian getting f*cked hard" and "sexy asian dancing in mini skirts"I said why do you do this? do you wank over it. am i ugly? don't i give you enough sex. [btw he hardly wants to have sex saying he's tired from work, but i am free to give him head any time -_-..] he said "i don't know i just look cuz i'm bored."Cuz you're bored? what kind lame excuse is that? how many other things is there to look on the internet that sluts getting f*cked hard cuz they do not qualify for any other job?we had a huge fight and he cried and said i am sorry i promise not to do it ever again i don't want to lose you and our son blah blah blah.I forgave him and then another week later i find he has looked on his new phone he bought. When i watched one comedy video he is like doesn't that cost heaps? I said i am not sure but if you want i will watch internet on my phone and he says yeh ok.. but sounding angry/disappointment..Then next day I find he has spent almost 80 dollars credit on youtube videos on his fone of typing in again "sexy asians getting f*cked hard" and the mini skirt asian dance ect... I got so angry and promised again but i said i have had anough. if you do this one more time i will break up with you for sure. he was sweet about it saying ok i swear on my son's life i will not look at porn cuz i love u and our son more than anything. I believed him cuz he swore on our son's life. BUT... Just the other day i found SAME thing again on his fone. I said "ok we're not going out anymore" he looks and says why. I say you promised u would not look at this ever again. and you know what he says? lame playing dumb "ohhh that.. huh? when did i promise that?" I said you're a f*cking liar! you swore on our son's life! and he said okayyyy I don't remember that. and he looks at me confused but fake sort of confused.. you know what i mean? and we had biggest fight. I told him to get out so many times but he wouldn't leave. and then we keep fighting until we resolve he said he won't do it again and i said yeh whatever u know i don't believe you I have lost all trust and love for you. and he is crying again saying sorry blah blah..I want to know what he would look at this. it makes me feels so ugly and insecure. Why does he want to look at asians being banged hard or dancing in mini skirts. I hate myself now cuz my bf would want to watch this stuff. i'm not even sure he wanks. one time he said he looked on his fone at work in car cuz he was bored but i cannot check the history time on cell phone. and how can he swear on his son's life something like this? he tells me he doesn't think they're hot or want to have sex with them. But then WHY WOULD HE LOOK AT IT?! he has promised so many times but he still does it. this last time i have said do you want to watch it together and he said why when i can have you? I said cuz you always look behind my back so if you want to we can watch it together. and he says if you want, if you watch i will but if you're not i won't. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? does it mean he WANTS to but doesn't want to say directly in case of me getting angry at him or he just watched it for fun the other times?I don't need to watch it. Maybe when guys watch it and have sex they are thinking of someone else. but i am faithful and i don't flirt or check other guys out. looking a pictures of d*ck does not make me horny. sometimes i even try to think about another man to get him back when we have sex but it doesn't work it doesn't make me horny or feel like having sex. i can only think of him to turn me on.if he is looking at girls dancing too in miniskirts what does that mean? does it mean he would cheat on me?! sometimes i think he looks at other girls but i cannot prove it same as i can not prove he is thinking of someone else when we have sex. i hate porn is is degrading to women. imagine girls that have been sexually abused and here there is girls being treated that way to get paid just to satisfy perverted men who watch it.now i think i am so ugly and fat. i know i am fat. i am very small for a girl of my age. but i just think so. i thought maybe it is because i have not very big breasts but he has never typed in girls or asian with big tits. I can't stop thinking about it and it is driving me crazy. sometimes i feel like killing myself cuz i am not good enough obviously or my bf wouldn't look at other asians. alot of guys try to flirt with me but even when i am not with my bf i don't flirt back simply cos i love my bf only and i would hate if he did the same to me. but that is to say what else does he hide behind my back? it hurts so much to know you are not good enough.please i want to know why guys do this. What is SO GOOD about porn? do you think the girls are hot, or do you imagine you are with that particular girl instead of the guy on screen doing her? or is it you don't look or care about the girl just the movement or action sex, head job, hand, ect...PLEASE i need to know cuz i know i will never get a real answer from my bf. all he can say is i don't know blah blah.. and please more guys to answer this so i know it is coming from a guys point of view. or girls to share their similar experience on this and what they did about. please do not say, get over it watch it with him. i want to know how to resolve cuz it is killing me please.sorry long post i had to explain situation.
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at work, breasts, flirt, horny, insecure, liar, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tofulove +, writes (29 March 2010):
tofulove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou "mystiquek" it might not have really been what I wnated to hear but it is the most helpful answer. When you wrote "I won't say all men do it, but MANY of them do. WHY?? Who knows exactly? Most of them probably couldn't even tell you. Because they are bored, because its something different" I realized that it probably all it is. Because I noticed that when he does look at it, it's usually not in the bathroom or toilet but when I am in the same room or when he is bored waiting somewhere. So I guess he doesn't "get off" to it. It may just be because of boredom. Yhe only thing that hurt is how he types in things like "hottest asian in the world" or "hottest asian dancing in miniskirt" does it mean he is looking for someone hotter than me? It feels like it. & to the first answer, I am always ready to have sex or give him head, but alot of the time he says he is too tired.. So it is not because I don't give him enough attention. I even off to watch it with him, or asked if he wants me to dance like the girls in the videos or striptease ect ect, but he says no babe I don't know why I looked at that stuff in the first place I have a weird brain...
But I guess guys will never know/understand what this stuff does to the majority of us girls.
& I actually feel like the one who doesn't get enough sex/bedreoom action..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Men even in their advanced years look at porn, inspite of having families and girl friends. It is because sex has always been fascinating particularly to the males. Most of the times their spouses do not do anything in real lives that they see girls doing in porn. This leads them to think that their spouses or girl friends are not fully committed to them and do not care for fulfilling their lust and sexual desires. In real lives, most women tend not to engage much in sex, especially after children and home responsibilities. I bet if every girl or woman would give her man little bit of time every now and then, he would not even think of looking any where else.
Since you know your bf looks at porn, and whenever he is at it, dont quarrel with him, on the contrary start playing with him, with his body, with his sensitive parts, and i bet he won't even look to porn then. Most probably he is telling you in a man's way that hey i need sex. Come on. He will not say it by his mouth. He is saying it by his actions. So listen to his desires and fulfill them. May God bless you all
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Why do girls still get interested in talking about the romantic/sexual affairs of other people when they have boyfriends?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Ok where to start. First all guys watch porn, if they say they dont they are lieing. My wife and I have been married7yrs together for 12. We met in highschool. We have sex once a day and I still look and jerk off to porn. My wife is fully aware and doesn't mind because it doesn't interfere with our sex life. I have a crazy libido and she wont have sex with me three times a day LOL.
Dont let this lower your selfesteem, it has nothing to do with you. I do think however if your not being satisfied sexually than there is defly an underlying problem with him.
Another note the more you tell him not to look the more he will and the more he will try to hide it which causes a lot of issues. I use porn just to get me off quick, we men are visual creatures. I hope this helps a little. Dont be so hard on him about porn and u might find it easier to actually get him to talk instead of hiding what he is feeling and thinking. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): yes boys look at porn, even if they're in a relationship, and I must say, you sound like quite an insecure person to get so angry about it.
Boy's look at it for fantasy.... I look at porn, so does my boyfriend. We do it for the pure fantasy, I don't watch lesbian sex scenes because I want to be with a girl, I love my boyfriend, it's just Fun.
I would perhaps address the fact that your boyfriend isn't making you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world though... And if he's putting internet porn before you, then that is a problem.
He should make you feel like a princess, make you feel loved, wanted, and beautiful. Does he?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 I hate to tell you this, but its a guy thing. Most men do it. Some try to hide, some hide it better than others. I won't say all men do it, but MANY of them do. WHY?? Who knows exactly? Most of them probably couldn't even tell you. Because they are bored, because its something different..the list goes on and on. Men DO NOT equate sex with love, you have to understand that. They can have sex and not feel anything, and from what I understand, that's how they are about porn. When they say "it doesn't mean anything"..more than likely it really doesn't. I don't know what to tell you to do, because the odds are your guy isn't going to stop...its just sad that he has to lie to you about it. I seriously doubt if him and porn has ANYTHING to do with his feelings for you. I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm 48, and I seen and heard about this scenario for YEARS. Perhaps some of the men can shed more light on it for you. I mean, as a woman, its degrading and upsetting to us, but the guys just don't see it that way. And trust me, you will have a very hard time stopping the guy from looking at it once they start. Yeah, they may tell you they stop..but they'll just start hiding it more.
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