A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:why do lads whether its your best friend or your boyfriend, always tell you what they think you want to hear, like the phrase "i love you" "ive missed you". Me and my best friend have not spoken for the past five/six month. i work in a bar and he came in, cuddles, used the age old phrases. which only went in one ear and out the other. why does he feel the need to say them? when he doesn't mean a word of it. and i know he doesn't, as if half of the shit he said was true, he wouldn't of waited until now to speak or try to regain the friendship. so please shed light on why men seem to think those phrases solve everything? because in my eyes they don't. It angers me to know that they actually think this works.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Cerebrus hits the nail on the head. The majority of the time, a guy will tell you whatever you want to hear because they want to get into your pants.
There of course are bound to be some guys out there who are genuine about what they are saying, but most of the time its the first paragraph.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): Men are just doing what works. Plain old cost/benefit analysis.
What does this guy have to lose by being friendly like this? If it doesn't work then it's because you are already not happy to see him anyway. He stands to possibly gain your good graces back if it works, he stands to lose nothing if it doesn't.
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (25 December 2011):
ever heard the phrase:
'Men fall in love with what they see - that's why girls wear makeup;
Women fall in love with what they hear - that's why men tell lies'
? There's your answer - because of the way we're built and society is built. Everyone wants an easy life...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): Because you girls taught us to do that because it works. The female mind is abeautiful thing. Even the mos cynical non-trusting woman will fall for the power of beautiful words because even when they know they're lies they would rather believe they are true, or in the very least are happy that we would say that.
"We tend to want to talk things through and understand what happened, they just want it over and done with and move on." What a load of sexist nonsense. Just as many women are cowards or poor communicators as men. Women don't always want to talk things through otherwise we wouldn't get so many "If she wasn't interested why didn't she just tell me" questions here.
I can quote loads of examples but I won't bother.
OP we have to tell you what you want to hear because most of the time girls don't want the truth they want reassurance. When a girl asks me is she fat, she's not asking me to tell her "yeah, you're a bit of a whale." she's asking me to tell her she's not.
Besides a lot of women put way more importance in words than actions so if we want something we can just use the right words and get girls to do or give us anything we want. I lie to my girlfriend all the time about menial stuff. She knows me long enough to know when I'm lying but gives me a pass because of the "lovable rogue" factor. "Did you take out the bins?" "Of course I took them out ages ago." "So if I go out to the kitchen now the bin will be empty?" "Yeah sure, why don't you just stay there though and I'll make coffee" *runs out and puts out the bins, comes back with coffee.*
Telling a girl what she wants to hear 99% of the time gives us what we want. If it didn't work we wouldn't do it OP, that goes for anything that we guys do when it comes to girls. If these things didn't work then we wouldn't do them. If getting a girl really drunk to loosen her up so she'll sleep with us didn't work no one would do it. If telling a girl what she wants to hear didn't work at getting her to drop her knickers then we wouldn't do it.
It might not work on you OP when it comes to this guy but give you strong enough feelings for a guy and you'll simply lap up every word he says without caring whether he's full of shit or not.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Because, in general, it DOES work. Spend some time reading DC's posts and you'll see what I mean . " He is married but he TOLD me that soon he will leave his wife ". " He cheated on me but he TOLD me it does not mean anything ". Etc.etc. When people have strongly invested emotonially in something with a dubious outcome, they need reassurance and validation like a man in a desert needs water- so ,give them reassurance and validation, and you'll pilot the outcome exactly the way you want.
Luckily this is not your case, and you are either more capable of logical critical thinking than average, or less invested emotionally,or both. But, alas, quite often words have the power to bring the results some men ( and women too ! ) want- so they use them .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): I think it's because they are simply cowards and just don;t know how to communicate with female's. We tend to want to talk things through and understand what happened, they just want it over and done with and move on. I am afraid if this aspect of males angers you so much, you will be angry for the rest of your life, because regardless of age, most men do that.
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A
male
reader, Drexel  +, writes (25 December 2011):
Sometimes men's say they love you because they do and other times because they want to have sex with you. But in this context I think it means that he thinks your special.
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