A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend went to a stag party and ended the night at a strip club. He said he didn't get a lap dance but bought the stag one. Now a week later, I have been trying to put it aside but its just at the back of my head whenever I look at him or whenever he tries to get in physical contact with me, and I hate it.I just cannot understand how someone who has a hot naked chick at home, who is ready to satisfy you, whether its your girlfriend or wife, can go pay to see (or even worse) another naked girl. Can guys help me in this?We did talk about it and he said if it makes me so uncomfortable he will never go again. Which isn't enough for me since I expected him not to go in the first place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Hi there, the exact same thing happened to me and it really bothered me because I just didnt understand why hed go to a strip club when hes got me at home, and ive seen strippers... they arent all that! Anyway he toldvme he was at a stag do and that all his mates went in so he did, he didnt get a dance or anything but it still annoyed me! But i guess he followed the lads! saying that though only 1/3 of the lads that went, went for the strippers! You just have to let it rest, he knows how u feel now and im sure it was entirely innocent!
strip clubs have always been abit trashy to me and slightly depressing, i mean usually you could pull a better looking person for free so the concept of them has always confused me. i guess they are just seen as a laugh or a joke or are for desperados -thats mine and many of my mates theory!
dont worry about it! :-) x
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 April 2012):
 It's pretty common for stag dos, he's also told you he won't go again so what exactly is the problem here?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 He went because all the other guys went, not just on his own. I am the last person to defend going to strip clubs, but I agree the unless you've discussed this before he went, you should cut him some slack. He's agreed not to go again and he probably didn't know it would bother you. His friends were all going too so it would have been difficult for him to duck out at the last minute before they went to a strip club.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2012):
 It was a stag party.... Strippers and strip club are common for those events (even for some hen parties).
I went to Hen party where the bride had to body paint this very lovely nude guy and I tell you some of the ladies definitively had more fun then the bride.. It was borderline cheesy, but honestly quite a spectacle to watch. The 3 Hen parties I have helped arrange had no strippers, no nude dudes and we still had a blast. It all comes down to who is in charge of the "entertainment".
But it is NOT uncommon for Hen/Stag parties to be rowdy, bawdy and about that "one last hurrah" even if the stag/hen doesn't cheat they still get throw a lot of distractions and temptations in front of them, all in the name of fun.
I am NOT a fan of strip clubs, but if my husband went to one on a stag do, I wouldn't hold it against him.
Cut your poor man some slack. He went because the GROUP/PARTY went, not because he wanted to look a some chick's boobies/crotch. What did you expect him to do? Tell his friends and the groom,:" Oh no I'm going home, I'm not allowed in a strip club? Seriously?"
Have a little trust and faith in your man!
Let it go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): He went because he was at a stag do, not because he wanted to and not to look at naked chicks as you say.
"Which isn't enough for me since I expected him not to go in the first place."
Well tough OP, he went, deal with it. He said he'd never go again, he didn't even get a lap dance and that's not enough for you? How much more can he do? Invent a time machine and go back in time? Are you going to cover his eyes whenever there are naked women on TV?
It's nothing to do with you, he was at a stag do, what the hell do you think happens at these things?
This is your insecurity and is nothing to do with him. He obviously didn't know how it would effect or he wouldn't have gone in the first place.
If his apology,promise not to do it again and the fact he wasn't there to ogle other women but was there because the stag do went there is not enough to make you see he did nothing wrong and there is no real issue here, then I'm afraid nothing is going to fix this for you OP. It's done, it happened and he's done everything he can to make this better time to stop being so self obsessed and insecure.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (15 April 2012):
 Variety is the spice of life. Humans are visual beings. Although this is about your boyfriend, it is quite gender biased. I'm a woman and I like going to "strip" clubs because I love feminine beauty and being able to go to a place to experience that is freeing. Heard of the Chippendales, and boybands? They have sell out concerts with women screaming and throwing their underwear on stage. Women hire male strippers for parties - for the same reason as men - it's fun and something nice to look at. People in relationships dont just stop being attracted to other people or appreciate the beauty of other beings.
What do you think about when you picture him at a strip club? Jealous, angry, hurt, annoyed? It all comes from a fear of that is may effect your relationship and change it into something you arnt happy in. And that comes from your own insecurities. You think that he's going there because you arnt good enough - do you really think that's the case?
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