A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidI have experienced during my dating that sometimes girls suddenly distance themselves without any warning or explanation whilst you are dating a girl. (She doesn't like anyone else and she's single ).Why the sudden change in attitude when things are going on great (there's no reason she'll be upset and she's really impressed)And this usually happens during the end of first to fourth month into dating, especially she knows you like her.Because a lot of men like me hate mind games and they'll just stop the chase when they start to reply late on purpose and show they are busy when their not ( like they are online, you message them, they purposely go offline and reply after five minutes ) And then they start to take more and more time ! Just to make you frustrated and beg for their attention until you just give up ! So why do girls suddenly distance themselves from you when things are going great? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (28 January 2014):
'She mentions something like talking isn't obligatory and it's not a must that she should leave everything to talk to you when she's replying to others.'This sounds like she thinks you are being way too demanding of her time and attention. She's absolutely right that she shouldn't have to drop everything to reply to you the minute you message her. It might be a convenient time for you to contact her, but it doesn't mean it's equally as convenient for her. She could be online for a million reasons, even if it is just chatting with others, but she won't be just sitting around waiting for you to send her a message. That's not mind games, it's just that she has her own life and other things to do as well as speak to you.I'd try to lay off a bit and stop expecting an instant reply to everything. Do other things with your time to prove that you have a full life of your own. Otherwise it comes across as a bit desperate and clingy and would be a major turn off for me. She'll reply to you when she has time to do so.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): If you've been dating someone for any length of time; and their behavior toward you suddenly changes, that is a clear indication they have a problem with you.
You really shouldn't push the issue; if a woman is making a lot of excuses to avoid your contact. She is obviously trying to breakup with you. What difference does it really make why,if she doesn't want to be with you? She is trying to tell you she wants you to just go away. Then go away.
If you're being too anxious and relentlessly hassling her for answers; she has the right to go completely no contact.
Make your own closure, and come to terms she doesn't want you anymore. Man up, and move on. The best and only approach is to leave her alone.
Persistence would only force her to seek protection under the law. Or, she may contact an aggressive male acquaintance that might spell it out better for you.
I may have employed humor in my response, but it also included factual reasons. Chose any of those we've provided you feel may apply in your case; and allow that to be your closure.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 How much time do you spend with this girl in real life? This sounds more like mostly virtual relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): In all honesty there's a stench of "she's not that into you" off this. The warnings about hurting you are a red flag to me.
Start to pull away a bit and be a less available to her. Basically start slowly walking away from this. I have a feeling she won't really care to be honest and will be happy to let it just fade away.
Some people just take ages to reply to messages, but if she replies straight away to others, you'd know from being with her, then it is a sign of how little importance she puts into you.
If she's really into you she'll make more of an effort when she realizes you're starting to give up. If not or she really is doing that shitty "prove you like me by becoming a whimpering fool" thing then she's too high maintenance anyway and is not worth your time.
OP insecure little girls are the ones who do that do the "prove you like me" hot and cold shit. They're really not worth dating, the games never end with that type of girl.
Playing hard to get is one thing, but playing hard to get doesn't include a warning about hurting you, playing hard to get is giving you just enough to keep coming but not enough for you to get bored. Sounds to me she's on her way out of this thing you have and is not going to fight to save it. She really just doesn't seem that into you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers ! I really appreciate it :)I understand there could be thousands of reason why she might be ignoring you .It could be mind games or there might be some genuine reason for that ! So what you think is best way to approach a situation when a girl suddenly starts to ignore you (in this case, she seems a bit distant and takes her time replying to you on purpose n if you ask, she mentions something like talking isn't obligatory and it's not a must that she should leave everything to talk to you when she's replying to others. Moreover, she warns you sometimes she might do things unknowingly which might hurt n she might not be sure of it !You are sure you haven't being clingy and given her space which might look like ignoring or maybe not as before she got lots of attention from you but since she started to treat you cold, you also have got distant! I heard sometimes it's a test to see if the lad is serious or something ( especially if the girl's being hurt before ) What do you think ?Your opinions be highly appreciated!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 January 2014):
 Same reason men distance from women when things are "going great." Obviously things were not going as great as imagined, otherwise, the other person would not be growing distant.
Things may have appeared great to you, or the hypothetical person we are talking about, but not to the other person. Just because it appeared to you to be going great does not mean it actually was going great to them. Perception is key. What you consider to be great, the other person may not.
If a person is losing interest and growing distant, there is probably a reason for it.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 In my experience it was because I was a gentleman and the girl feared in getting close so she pulled away. She told me I did nothing wrong and it was all her. In any case dont beat urself up stay on ur game.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): You said things SEEM to be going great. Seem is the key word there. They may be going great for you, but obviously not for her.Are you selfish in bed? Most women like to orgasm every time too, you know…But really there could be a million different reasons. But it doesn't really matter why they left, because they weren't right for you! When the "right" one comes around, she'll stick around, and won't get irritated with little things that may bother other people.That said, WiseOwl did mention a few things…if you have exes hanging around, that's definitely not good. Same if you have a bunch of close female friends. Or if you can't cut the cord from your mother. Or if you don't have a job or aren't financially responsible. If any of those apply, you might want to work on them...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): I have had a similar problem with a guy I had a date with. He was chasing me in the beginning and things were good. But down the line, he was the one playing the games. One night we had a nice conversation on the text and he seemed to be very attentive, so when I asked him to call me later on he said he would try to which I thought was an odd thing to say, and then hours later I see him online on the dating site. I had gone on there to check my messages and views. But you see it happens to girls and guys. As a person you have to learn to stop playing games and be more direct. Girls sometimes do this because it boosts their ego and self esteem to get the attention from other guys. But it is not right to lead a person on when they are interested in you. You sound like a nice guy and you notice things like that and that is good because you know exactly what you will tolerate and won't tolerate. Just know that a lot of girls do this so don't take it personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): If a guy shows he has a temper, or tries to be controlling; these are early-warnings of worse things to come. Many women are very weary of the first signs of hostility in a male.
If they discover your extensive porn-stash. Which includes gay-male porn.
If you don't seem like marriage-material, or you're failing as boyfriend-material.
If you don't listen or dismiss their opinions; and they notice that it's becoming a pattern. If they think you're too flirtatious with other women; and don't seem to have a clue about it. What was once great, instantly turns sour.
If you're unromantic, surly, and snoop around on them; they'll label you a tool, and freeze you out. If you forget important occasions, come off cheap, fail to compliment their appearance, and bark orders at them. They start to ease away. Even if they've told you how great you are.
If you tend to forget things; after they've repeated something to you dozens of times. Their feelings do a complete about-face.
If you don't put the toilet seat down.
If you have a male-friend you spend more time with, then you do with them.
If her mother hates you, and her father likes you.
If a guy sets off her gay brother's gaydar.
If you have an ex-girlfriend who sniffs around too much, if you're a mama's boy, or don't know what foreplay is. They'll start finding excuses to cancel dates; or create a reason to place you in the "friend-zone." That's boyfriend
purgatory.
They may also pull away from guys with very small penises and halitosis. They try to stick around as long as they can not to hurt his feelings; but it becomes too much work pretending it doesn't bother them.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 When I do that with a guy, it means I'm not really interested in him. He's great to pass the time with, but he won't get 100% of my attention. There is just something about him that doesn't grab me (meaning it turns me off).
When a girl is into you, she'll do things like wait for your calls, send you sweet texts, cook you dinner, give you that doe-eyed look like you're the most amazing man she's ever seen. When you want to see her, she'll drop everything just to spend time with you.
You haven't met the right girl yet. Keep looking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): some girls just like the flirting/dating/messing around part, but when it comes to real commitment, they freak out because they don't want to be obligated to a guy. they don't wnat to be obligated to get more physical, they want their freedom to flirt/date/mess around without the committment or without the obligation to be with ONLY one person. in other words, they want to be in control and they feel they can't have that if they're in a relationship. those are girls you want to stay away from. yes, you should be friends with your girlfriend, but you should also make it clear that you're not into games by saying that. "janet, I want to be upfront that i don't like mind games as i'm sure you don't either. i'm seriously looking for a girlfriend right now and i hope that you're looking for a boyfriend. if you're not, if you're just looking to have fun and not get serious, please tell me now" if she decides you're a jackass for that, she's not worth your time. try free to low-cost activities, keep most of your dealings public and make it clear that you only date one person at a time and that you're looking for someone who is willing to put her time and effort into it (same effort you are putting into it) it's about give-and-take. if she's just taking, thens he's a waste of time and not only a bad girlfriend, but a bad friend anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): They don't. Some are just game players or inexperienced or maybe you're clingy and demanding, or maybe you're reading too deeply into things.
I know you're not really asking a question and this is more of a rhetorical rant, but if you don't like how you're treated by someone, walk. Or stop playing the game.
(You don't know any of the stuff you put in brackets to be really true).
Never beg for attention or chase a girl too hard if she's acting cold and distant. Let them find another sap to play that game.
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