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anonymous
writes:Why do couples get divorced?I'm at the stage in my life where I'm looking to settle but I'm a little worried about all these divorces. No one wants to divorce but it does seem to happen. I've been reading up on why that is and would appreciate any advice from any agony aunts that have unfortunately experienced such a nightmare.Any words of advice for a young man thinking about marriage?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): Oh yes, I can give you some advice on this subject!
First - don't be in a rush to get married. Develop your relationship and don't jump into marriage feet-first. Make sure you REALLY get to know the other person. Knowing what I do now, I would need to be with someone for at least a year, and live with them for at least a further two years before even considering marriage. Seeing someone evenings and weekends is simply not the same as living with them full time, suffering all the slings and arrows, as it were, in the normal routine of life.
I would disagree that no-one wants a divorce. I rushed into my first marriage and within 12 months was wishing I hadn't been so damned stupid. Divorce laws were different then, and I was stuck with her for 19 years. I got two great kids out of it though. When we did divorce it was like a millstone had been removed from my neck. The nightmare in my case was the marriage, the divorce was a blessed relief!
Ask yourself what the marriage would be like if you were to remove the lust and the sex factor. What have you got in common?
If all you have in common is a great sex life I'd say you'll be entering marriage for the wrong reasons. Those first few months when you're bonking each other's brains out in every position, room and on every work surface will fade away fairly quickly to a standard once a week if you're lucky, and once that initial lust wears off you'll have nothing much left to hold the marriage together - except perhaps that little piece of paper which will cost a small fortune to legally tear up.
If you can honestly say that after three years in a relationship you've both loved each other a little bit more each day, despite life's ups and downs, you've got two choices for success - keep things the way they are (if it ain't broke don't fix it), or get married.
I wish you all the best and that you don't end up in one of the more than 50% of marriages that end in diovorce!
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