A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone. I'm 24 years old and I've had a crush on a close friend for awhile. He is 33 and recently divorced. I finally worked up the nerve to share my feelings a few weeks ago, with some help from my friend Pinot Grigio. And, the results were good... i was pretty drunk and we had sex. The morning after, we talked about the situation. He said he liked me back the whole time. Apparently he thought I was dating someone already, so he decided not to pursue... anyway, now that I cleared that up, we talked about "what to do" about our mutual feelings now. We've talked about relationships before, but that was when he didn't know I had a crush on him. So, his "thing" was that he's been in relationships for the past 10 years and that he really wants time to himself. I can totally relate with wanting time for yourself, so I just nodded my head, like.. "true". so he said "then what are we? do u want to be my girlfriend?" i said: "uhh well eventually after we get know each other, if it goes there, it goes there." so he said: "ok, then lets take our time getting to know each other b/c I really feel that you're girlfriend/wife material. let's not label this" I wasn't if that was a good or bad thing, so I was ok with it. better than him trying to move in my apt, or asking for my spare key. I'm in no hurry to start a relationship. I'm ok with building something great, little by little. so... we've only been on one "date" but he's slept over my house a few times. He also helped me take my little sis to the airport. he's earning points...All this started less than a month ago. On Friday night, he came over and we watched a movie. we got in bed and started to get fresh. Just as he should be putting on a condom, he asks me to "kiss it" I'm thinkn - ok, sure! so I do that, and then he says "will u breathe on it?" I'm like... uhh ok? so I do that and then he says "no... can u...please?" I was in total shock. this guy is asking me for head. eww. I just don't take requests. I'll do it when I want to and its not gonna happen just like that w/Mr. No Labels. I was so annoyed. I told him no. then he mentioned that he went down on me the 1st night we hooked up. I said, umm so? u did that so u could get in return? he said, yea. I told him- well u shouldn't have because I won't be manipulated. Mind you, we're still in bed... "so, what do u want me to do now?" he says. "Put that condom on" i tell him. "or..?" he replied... "or... u can go home" i tell him. So we have the most generic sex and then he turns over to begin a night of cold shoulder. The next morning, we do it again and its better, but I still resent his head request. as if he's entitled. grow the fruck up... so he gets up to go and I walk him out. he gives me a biiiig long hug and i say "isn't this weird?" "No" he replies quickly... "why? we're 2 adults doing what we want to do- right? let's talk about this" So with that I say "then if ur doing what u want to do, why are u acting like I owe u oral?" He knows I got him... "you're right. I was being selfish last night and I'm sorry." I tell him that he doesn't have to be sorry. He really just needs to know that I won't be manipulated like that and to never do anything for me if he expects something in return. He said "No, but I am sorry and I don't want it to get where u don't want to talk to me" I'm like, ok then don't be asking me for that b/c I'll do it when I want to and its not gonna happen just like that. I have to really like a guy. He said he's glad he knows how deep it is to me and that he's sorry for being selfish. He says he wants to hang out on sunday. so i say ok, but let me know if u can't make it. of course i will, he says. so, on Sunday morning he calls me and I was on the other line so I said "I'll call u back" he said ok. so when I called him back it went to vmail. so I just hung up. he never called me that day. or at all today. now what? I'm trying to give the situation space so I don't appear too eager, but I realize now, that I am. I am soo into him. how do I work this out? why does he turn his phone off sometimes when he's with me? is "no labels" another way of saying f*ck friend?
View related questions:
condom, crush, divorce, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Morgan-Elizabeth  +, writes (8 June 2009):
darlin...he has just got divorced!of COURSE he's going to want to take it slow, wouldnt you?if he really likes you he probably just wants it to be 'no labels' like, lets not jinx it... if that makes sense. if he calls you his girlfriend straight up it means its a serious relationship, and quite frankly, his last one of those obviously didnt end so well.his asking for head is not such a big deal, youve had sex with him numerous time, why the drawback. if you dont like doing that then tell him you dont like doing that. guys get a little fussy sometimes when they dont understand why we freak out about stuff. he did it to you, and so its not like you owe it to him... its just that he probably doesnt understand why since youve already done, AND PASSED, that step.its such a small thing to be worried about if you like him.think back to when you were a bit younger. you worked your way up with your' first times' and oral usually comes before sex.its just the order of things.so why is it that you freak out about him asking you for that, when you keep sleeping with him.your confusing the poor guy if you act like that.good luck with it, i hope it all works out for you.
A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (6 January 2009):
I cant say for sure if hes just using you for sex, in other words a FWB, but it does seem like it is probably that to me.
However, whatever you call it, the fact is, you are having the physical side of a relatiuonship with this guy, minus all the emotions and everything else that comes with a healthy relationship and it is obviously uspetting you and thats not ok that you are left feeling that way.
I know you like him, but honestly you are worth so much more then a guy who cant be sure about how he feels. If he isnt ready for a relationship then fine, thats understandable- BUT if he was truly a decent guy, then he would be ok with JUST BEING FRIENDS, and by that, I mean just friends- no sex etc.
So, I suggest you put it to him that you both stop sleeping together kissing etc- have a normal plain friendship. If hes worth it, he will stick around and put in time to be just a friend. If he only ever wnated sex then he will dissapear pretty quickly.
I agree you shouldnt rush into a relationship- you also shouldnt rush into a sexual relationship with someone because that can hurt you just as much if it doesnt work out. So take your time, be just friends.
Oh and as for him requesting you give him oral, he does sound pretty selfish. Especially the 'well i gave you oral' line, so he thinks you owe him! That sounds like a pretty big warning sign of the type of person he is to me. I once had a bf who did alot for me- with the expectation of geting something in return. He never knew how to truly give without geting something back. It was one of the most horrible relationships I ever had. I am the type of person who likes to give something to someone, with the only hope of a smile in return. I think its wrong for him to expect oral back. But I guess he did apologise, which is a good sign, but alot of people do that. Only time will tell if he meant what he said.
Hope it works out for the best!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): It seems like what made u upset what the fact that he “manipulated” you into giving him head… LOL I don’t think he manipulated you. Do you seriously think that this man was busy down there licking you whilst thinking in the back of his head that if I lick her now she would have to give me head later, I think he enjoys giving and receiving oral and it doesn’t seem like you have a problem with receiving more with giving.
Tell me if a guy is banging you toooo hard will you stop and tell him you don’t like being banged like that? Yes you will coz no one will do something if they don’t like it. So why would it be wrong for this guy to tell you or show you what he likes, when he said he licked you on your 1st date… I think he was testing the water to see if you are into oral or not, and then you went on to say you told him to put the condom on or leave, now who was manipulating who here, sounds to me like you wana be the one calling all the shots saying how and when he can get off with you, that’s wrong, try and put yourself in his shoes if you don’t like giving head tell him that but sex shouldn’t only be about what you like and how you like it it should be about giving each other pleasure.
...............................
|
