A
male
age
36-40,
*arm
writes:Why do cheaters always continue to lie, even when they've been caught? Why do they become angry when they are found out? What moral foundation is there for this behavior (why do they think the way they do, and why do they think cheating is okay)? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 OK, I'm not here to defend cheating but:
- first of all there are MANY kinds of cheaters, you could build categories based on all kinds of different criteria: cheaters that care about those that they are cheating on and those that don't; cheaters that lie to those with whom they are cheating and those that don't; people who cheat one time as a bad decision and feel terrible remorse and those that cheat over a long period of time possibly with many different other women. The answers could be different for each category.
- why do cheaters lie even when caught? Cheating is a little bit like driving recklessly fast. Both involve a sense of arrogance and superiority to those who stick within the speed limits but neither those who drive too fast or those who cheat generally really intend to harm anyone. The harm is done by the crashing by the slowing down too fast or by the disclosure of the cheating rather than by the reckless driving or cheating itself. So the lying is a desperate attempt to swerve to avoid a wall and avoid the pain of impact.
- why do people get angry? Personally I wouldn't but many people assume that attack is the best defence. I was cheated on a year or so ago by a mistress of mine and she denied it in the most forceful of terms until I passed her a CD with audio recording of the entire event.
- Why do they think it is OK? I think that you will find that few cheaters think that it is OK. Some people are literally torn up with guilt at what they have done. Others of us know in our minds that it is not OK but we don't really feel that it is not OK. Maybe there is something missing in our brains. We rationalise it away - I'm a good man and so it can't be a terrible thing that I'm doing, what she doesn't know wont hurt her ... and so on. I can spend the whole afternoon in bed with 2 twenty something girls (I have a little friend who likes to set up threesomes with her girlfriends, its her thing and I'm happy to oblige) and then I come home in the evening playing with the children, reading them stories and chatting with my wife, who I adore, and I look in to my soul to try to feel the guilt and I can't find it. I know that it should be there but it isn't.
Assuming that the cheater actually loves the person on whom they are cheating then the basic issue is the inability to properly connect cause and effect. Most smokers know that cigarettes are going to cause them a painful and early death but they smoke, overweight people don't like being overweight by they eat too much and exercise too little. I don't want to cause pain to my wife and children but I cheat.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 If they were to admit it , it would be the end of them. It is not the end unless you have concrete proof.
But then , even if photographic evidence you cannot be 100% positive because somebody may look like that person .The only sure thing, if and when he confesses to it.
They become angry when discovered because they want to overturn the tables on the accusers.They are indignant .angry and furious.
Taking the forbidden fruit gives them a special kick like being smarter and intelligent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 February 2010):
For the same reason that they cheated in the first place. They're not great people. There are some cheaters who cheat for good reasons (like a woman who cheats on an abusive husband or something). But when someone is angry when they're caught and continues to lie, you can be sure they're full of crap. Always get rid of a person like this.
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A
male
reader, eurolease +, writes (27 February 2010):
they are scum and have no self esteem jealous insecure bad childhood conditional love etc and want to take it out on you so they dont have to feel badly about themslves. and the sad thing is they're so sick that they believe it and get everyone to believe them and you end up looking like the bad guy!
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