A
female
age
41-50,
*IERIN
writes:So ... I have a good question for everyone. I was going through this question over and over with my good friends, that have the same problem .... Why do actractive women have problems finding a man? I don't think that me or my girlfriends are too picky. We are good looking,tall,nice looking bodies,blonde all with blue eyes, smart, funny, always happy, out going, hard working ... normal women. Non of us (its 4 of us) never had a good serious relationship with someone, that would be worth it and that would really love us. We are all different mentally and we all have a different type of the ideal man ... I just feel that I will never find anyone,that will seriously love me and be worth it ... maybe I am doing something wrong, but I can't still figure out what is it ... and my friends have the same problemI just feel that guys like to have me as a trophy girl for few weeks... and than they don't care anymore. I am not easy to get ... but I also don't play hard to get. If I like someone I just do what I want to do ... but it seems to me,that its not working ... I am not stupid, since I am an Ing of Economy and I speak fluently 5 languages. I am also not some cat lady or something like that.Everyone is saying "Don't worry honey the true love is coming sooner or later" ... Well when you imagine,that I have been listening to this sentence since i was 16 years old,always heart broken and lonely, than you will just loose your faith ... I just should probably be a mean bitch,that will play hard to get,will be always proud and unavailable, not have sex with the guy for weeks and not call him or talk to him ... and than maybe when i pretend to not care about him, he will show some love to me????Can just someone tell me what are we all doing wrong? cuz we are seriously psychicaly done!Thank you all! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Well i have to say that i feel the exact same way as you do but after you've been played around so much you almost feel repelled to even want any guy asking you out. So you think maybe best to occupy your mind with the things that YOU want to do as you are a beautiful, successful, strong and indepenedent woman and it's better off waiting for a man that can handle you for all that even though it's a pain in the ass and it sucks oh so bad that it's taking so damn long!!! But i guess i have to keep hoping that some day this man that's worth my time will come round and when he does, all those other assholes that tried to get me and obviously were so stupid to let me go, will mean absolutely nothing to me any more. It's hard now thinking positive because I am a beautiful, strong, independent and intelligent woman going through the same hass as you are, am still single and still searching for mr. right but i guess he'll come when i least expect...whenever that may be. But he's gotta be out there somewhere. Just a matter of being at the right place (physically, mentally and spritually) at the right time.
A
female
reader, LMAO136  +, writes (18 October 2008):
 omg i googled the internet to see what other women out there in the world are having this problem......glad to know i am not alone and appreciate the considerable knowledge/insight this question has generated.....
: )
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Be true to who you are when you find it not what other say or think and please yourself and what is right for you then you can live with or without what you may or may not think you need or want. Being yourself is more than enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is right what you want to do....
I just should probably be a mean bitch,that will play hard to get,will be always proud and unavailable, not have sex with the guy for weeks and not call him or talk to him ... and than maybe when i pretend to not care about him, he will show some love to me????
Ok, I have a same problem. They are scared of beautiful and selfoconfident women. They are not sure we are going to be loyal since we get attention all the time. But, never, never sleep with guy for one month. If he is into you he will stay with you.
I hope this will help. Good luck
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (11 June 2007):
LIERIN is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys for all the answers! From now On .. I am going to be the ONE AND ONLY MEAN AND HARD TO GET BITCH "LOL"Lierin
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Hi, this is more some random thoughts than advice but I was with a friend over the weekend and we were having a chat about this very subject, she is a successful model and pretty much says exactly the same as you. I think beauty in women can tend to attract the wrong kind of men who are more interested trophy girlfriends like you say, and such people are usually riddled with their own insecurities so a proper relationship can't really ever work out.
I think the other thing is that many "nice" men don't get the proper confidence and experience with women until much later on in their life. On the opposite end, men who are interested in playing the field are overwhelmed with self-confidence at such a young age and know exactly how to attract women, yet don't really know how to deal with a women at all on a deeper emotional level. Because of this, beautiful women tend tend to only get approached by guys that aren't capable of having a proper relationship.
It would make sense that if a women takes care of their body and their physical appearance then they would like to be with someone who takes care of their body too. Generalising here, in a lot of men there is a distinction between men who put more emphasis on looks but have bad relationship skills and guys who are either shy and introvert and don't spend time on their looks but would probably make very lovely boyfriends. I know if my friend stopped only dating models, actors and personal trainers and found someone "in between" she'd probably get herself in a good relationship.
I think the solution comes from both sexes, beautiful women need to be more aware of how they are seen by men and they need to be experienced in knowing differences in the kind of guys out there and maybe give more of a chance on a guy who is different than their "normal" (which makes sense as their usual kind of guy obviously isn't working out). Men on the other hand need the experience to understand the importance of confidence and develop the attributes that beautiful, confident women are attracted to. I think men are also very much preoccupied on "leagues" and such like but much of it really does exist only in their heads.
I think you should stay true to yourself but Yos mentions something really important here and that is in the nature of attraction of the sexes, and that is that men should chase the women. I don't mean through playing games, but rather the process of dating should be one in which the attentiveness and commitment of the man is tested against the women's needs. It sounds very traditional but you should see yourself in a way that many guys can compete for you, but only one guy, the most deserving, can "have" you. I don't mean just sexually but emotionally and physically. When you can see things in this way, that only the most deserving man is entitled to know you, then you won't ever give up that part of yourself until you really do meet someone who wants to get to know you and truly love you in the way you want to love them.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 You unfortunately answered your own question...
"I just should probably be a mean bitch,that will play hard to get,will be always proud and unavailable, not have sex with the guy for weeks and not call him or talk to him ... and than maybe when i pretend to not care about him, he will show some love to me????"
That really does work. Trust me.
It's not as bad as it seems either. The reason it works is because a man really has to like you to chase you for so long. The waiting (and being unavailable) weeds out the non-committers. Plus men like to chase, and value what they catch more if the chase was longer.
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A
male
reader, sparky2107  +, writes (11 June 2007):
Hello, are you looking in the wrong places? It sounds like you are wanting something more serious than the other half is willing to give, it takes men longer to grow up, so outwardly they may look the deal but it takes 30+ years for a man to mature and steady a little. Don't be upset about it, everybody has life all planned out, it never works out that way and we all get upset and frustrated, but trust in yourself and that there are at least 3.3 billion males out there. Let go, be comfortable in yourself and when you are you'll radiate, best wishes
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reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Even tho i think that is a bit of a generalisation using attractive women, i think it spans to everyone men/women.
Im my opinion finding the the Mr/Mrs Right is a lottery to be honest. I thought id found the perfect woman myself and had a four year relationship which she decided to end without good reason.
If your attractive then you may attract more attention, but not necassarily from the ones you want to attract.
I dont think your doing anything wrong, i think the right person can sweep you off your feet when you least expect it, when your not looking for it. But thats just an opinion.
As long as you are staying true to yourself and true to your partner than you cant do more than that.
Love and true love is worth waiting for I believe that.
R
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female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Well I believe men are intimidated by beautiful women-even more so if you are beautiful as well as intelligent! Some guys are after a girl that may be easy to get into bed and easy to control. Which you are obviously not! I say that you wait until you find a man who is man enough to not be intimidated by a strong, beautiful,successful,independent woman- there are a few out there believe me!Good luck!
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