A
female
age
36-40,
*inja84
writes:Ok. So I recently got out of a nearly two year relationship. My girlfriend and I were long distance and weren't able to see eachother that often.When we were together we both had accounts on OkCupid looking for friends (but thats it). A few weeks ago I met a wonderful woman who is beautiful and smart and amazing and I really started to have feelings for. She said she wasn't looking for anything romantic because she had recently gotten out of a relationship and seemed to like the fact that I just wanted to be friends. We have hung out twice now and I've slept over at her house (nothing happened) but she has always been very flirty and seemed to be interested in me. the last time I saw her, I told her my girlfriend and I were on a break. She seemed to be understanding but then after that night, I have barely heard from her since, which is weird because we would normally text or talk online almost everyday. Did ending my relationship scare her off? I don't know if its too forward to send her a message. I really really like her.. obviously I need to give this time.. but I don't know how to proceed. Any advice is appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): Please take Cerberus's advice...most women know men don't use an online dating site to make "friends". I don't know if you in fact want to pursue her or if you were just entertaining your options when you met her online (she was likely doing the same thing), but if you do want to pursue her, take it very slow and let her initiate.
I might add, that when you do meet her, tell her you're "not over your girlfriend" or you might mention her "you're still upset or not ready to date anyone." I hate to feed you lines, but this might might put her at ease.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, ninja84 +, writes (8 January 2012):
ninja84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. My girlfriend and I are broken up as of two days ago.. and were on a break when I spoke with this woman last (Tuesday). I don't know if I should wait a few days to contact her and explain my situation.. or just wait around for her to contact me.. if she ever does
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Yes, you made yourself go from safe male acquaintance with whom she could flirt with impunity, to unsafe man who might have made himself free to respond to her advances.
You need to text or email in a casual way, saying hey what's going on - where have you disappeared to? And then just talk about what you've been doing recently, and drop in that you've ironed things out and are now thank goodness back with your girlfriend. She will also think 'thank goodness', I think.
She just isn't ready for full-on advances. You need to respect that, or she really will go.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 January 2012):
 You ask: "Did ending my relationship scare her off?"
No... IF you said that you and your ex- were ".... on a break..." then she doesn't see that as a final break, AND she was probably hoping that you'd come to her "free and clear...."
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): It sounds like she freaked out a bit. I think you were a "safe" friend because you didn't try anything on when you had the chance and you also had a girlfriend, so she felt comfortable flirting and stuff.
Being on a break then means you are free to pursue her and that took away the safety aspect. Perhaps she feels you may have broken it off with your girlfriend for this very reason and she made it very clear she wasn't up for a relationship.
The best thing to do in my opinion is message her casually, don't do it too soon and don't leave it too. Just say hey how are you kind of thing and take things slowly. Just see what happens from there.
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