A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This has been bothering the hell out of me, so please please help!A few months ago, my really close friends and I (we're both girls) decided to become friends with benefits. We made out and stuff, and we were both cool with it and it was fine. Then I went on vacation, but still had Internet. One day she told me on Facebook "We shouldn't be friends with benefits anymore".I was shocked, but I decided I would respect her opinion. I asked her why, at first she said she didn't want to "use me for sex" (which doesn't make sense because we were friends with benefits) and then she changed it to "I'm just not into you anymore". I decided to respect it and leave it, but I couldn't help but wonder if that was the REAL reason. I mean before I left for vacation she was desperate to do things with me, so why would she suddenly not....?I've thought up some REAL reasons:-her friends have never liked me, so perhaps they persuaded her to stop being friends with benefits with me, and she gave in-a few weeks before I went on vacation, I told her who I was crushing on ('cause we're close friends) and she seemed okay with it, but after I came back from vacation (after she told me we shouldn't be friends with benefits anymore) she started to get angry whenever I brought my crush up, so maybe she thought that our friends with benefits relationship could interfere with me and my crush?-or maybe she really is not that into me?After my vacation, I had to go back to school. I tried to talk to my friend but she'd be a little rude. I decided that if she was going to be rude then it'd be best I stay away from her for a while. Then one day I heard her and her best friend talking behind my back. What's going on? Why's she being like this? I never did anything wrong, and I respected her opinion to stop being friends with benefits.Can someone please give me some suggestions on what to do? Or even give me an idea of what could be going through her head?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): lmao@cat lady
A
female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Are you 'crushing on' a girl or a guy? The reactions of your FWB might be very telling, depending on which it is. It is NEVER a good idea to share such confidences with somebody you're having sex with; you shall always regret it. I don't care how liberated and good friends you are; people simply don't like to hear about other people you're interested in when you're with them. You're supposed to be thinking of them, not somebody else. Never believe people when they tell you they don't mind. You'll discover that most human beings have a double standard about relationships, whether they admit it or not. True maturity is rising above that human failing with one's reason. The term FWB rather cheapens the idea of intimacy, don't you think? If you and your girlfriend are swingers and into orgies with a lot of people, then you were having fun and that's all so there's no reason for you to be bothered by rejection now. If, on the other hand, you were exploring new dimensions of an already established close friendship, there are delicate things like pride and emotions in the balance and flippancy is going to cause pain to one or both of you.Friends can have a lot of influence, principally because one can generally depend upon keeping them around when other kinds of relationships fall apart. You haven't said why they don't like you or how serious is that enmity. I'd be a little concerned however, about your girlfriend making the private details of your relationship their business. That's a habit she's unlikely to break. You went into this affair casually enough and now you're going to feel silly if you complain about your privacy.You and your girlfriend should also refrain from making those details facebook's business; that will come back to bite you one day. Nothing you put out on the Net is private; I don't care what they tell you over there about privacy settings. You may as well have carved your affairs in stone for posterity. Any high school hacker can use a social networking site like his or her own living room. There is a thriving business out there for the sale of personal information and scandals. If you don't believe me, ask your local cops - who also wander about freely looking for real criminals and they know your private business too.Nobody but a psychic could tell you what's on your girlfriend's mind but if she has told you she does not want to continue your relationship, leave it alone. You are very young and the world is full of other people to meet. If you want to be treated with respect and discretion, please consider dropping terms like FWB from your vocabulary permanently. It sounds, at least to adults, immature, irresponsible, uncaring and empty-headed. You don't want to make that kind of impression when you meet someone one day you respect and admire.
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