A
male
age
30-35,
*nk
writes:Hi I am an individual who doesn't believe in mind games and find it a big turn off! I was chasing a girl and dated her for a while until suddenly she became distant. I thought maybe she's not interested so I confronted her. She didn't give me a clear answer. I thought she's not interested and started to move on.However, yesterday I met her and she talked to me very warmly! We flirted,laughed and talked for about half an hour straight. I thought it was a good chance to tell her that I found her distant and I took it a hint she didn't want me around. She said, she's always confused and like that. I asked she can say no and I am fine with that; She said oh no and few things then changed the subject.Now there are two questions in my mind?Should I pursue her, I do like her!Why woman do that ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (9 March 2014):
Some girls like to play hard to get, others just like the attention but want nothing more. Certainly ask her out. If she says no, well you'll be able to move on and find someone who's straight forward and open with their feelings. No mind games.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): Of course not male anon, there's nothing rude or disrespectful about changing the rules of a game a woman has decided to start playing with you.
There's nothing confused about this woman, she knows whether she likes him or not and she didn't give a him a straight answer and just avoids the question too so she doesn't. I don't see why I should tolerate games like that or be the bad guy for changing the rules.
It's not like I'd just stick in, spit in her face and walk away. I'd put on my best sexual performance and be very kind and selfless about the whole thing. I wouldn't sneak out afterwards, if she regrets it I'd ease her concerns and tell her not to feel bad, make her breakfast etc.
I don't see why I shouldn't use the opportunity to get something I wanted, she's free to refuse and when I say drunken I don't mean I'd intentionally get her drunk to bone her, or that I'd prey on her while drunk, I certainly don't go for women who are incoherently wasted either. Just that I'd emotionally relegate her to the level of someone worth a shag and nothing more because I know being friends with someone I have feelings for doesn't work. You assume she'd get no enjoyment out of a casual shag, but that's not the kind of guy I am, I don't take advantage of women in that way, if she's not up for it it doesn't happen and I don't need women to be drunk to make it happen either.
If a woman wants to play then sometimes it's fun to win that game.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (6 March 2014):
Woops, embarrassing typo there. I meant Cerberus
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A
male
reader, Levsn +, writes (6 March 2014):
Cerebus says it right.. even if it's in a somewhat rude way.
She isn't interested in you but strings you along for her ego. Ignore her or just get the deed done like Cerebus said.
Being "confused" is in my opinion just a lame excuse for stringen someone along. You've dated and she became distant, you didn't pay any attention to her and she came running back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): Cerberus what kind of advise is that? do you see all girls that are not interested or even confuse as an object for a drunken one night stand or for shagging of! I am sorry but this is really rude and a poor advise!
some girls are just confused she needs to spend more time to know you better maybe. I would give her more time and take it slow to see the potential and how the things will go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 She likes the attention, but it doesn't matter WHO it comes from. I would just be polite when you run into her, but otherwise MOVE ON.
She is playing DUMB (like she doesn't KNOW you like her) that way she can be nice and flirt with you (when SHE feels like it) without consequences.
Eh, stop wasting your time with this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): No, don't pursue her for anything other than a drunken one night stand or something.
She's not interested in you but you still may be able to get a shag off her.
OP when a woman blows hot or cold she's not interested, and if she is interested then she's too much work, too flaky to be reliable to date. Personally I'd shag her then walk away, I can't be friends with women if I really like them but I don't want to feel my efforts are wasted either.
It may not sound very gentlemanly to just shag and walk but it's not very ladylike to not give a straight answer and string you along either.
In my experience women who don't have the balls to reject a guy outright very often don't have the balls to say no in the right circumstances either so a shag is definitely on the cards if you choose to play it that way.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 March 2014):
It's not a 'woman' thing, as such. This is just something some people do for attention. There was a woman who did this to me some time ago (years ago!). I chased her, thought she was interested, she got cold so I stopped. Next thing, suddenly she was 'interested'. I didn't fall for it.
I think this girl either likes you as a friend, or is playing you for attention. So my advice is to not pursue her, and just see her as a friend. There are other women out there who are not so 'confused'.
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