A
male
age
36-40,
*ov
writes:Hi there i gess a lot of people hav been and feeling the way i am this is my story.i met this amazing girl when i went to see a friend at uni and i had talked to her before on the phone just as friends but when i met her that all changed i fell for her.it was a long distace thing and she and knew it wood be hard but we stuck through it.the thing was we were from too diffrent backrounds faiths etc but that didnt matter to us we were both in love. we had been going out a year now and she started to distance herself from me and we ended breaking up but we got back together and thought it was we were ok we started to talk about having kid and getting married and all sorts i was in heaven.and then she started saying that i was too good for her and she dont deserve me stuff like that but i kept on saying it is the other way round and i always used to go up and see her it took me 3 1/2hrs.then one day she told me were she worked part time that there was a guy she like and didnt know what to do. i was like why are you telling me this do you not love me anymore she was like yes i do your the only one for me dont worry i think he is playing mind games with me. i did think any think of it i was mad but it passed but then at the same time she kept on talking about him i said do you not love me any more why do you keep talking about him and she kept on saying dont worry about it.but then one day we talking on the phone and i was like i want to marry you and i have said that in the past and she said yes and she did say how thow what about your family i said i was willing to leave it all behind for her and that we would be ok we have each other she was like ok. so the night before i was going to go up there she said that she was stressd because of uni work she had to go out but she said she wanted to chill out with that guy whose been messing with her head but i thought i had nothing to worry about as she loves me had we were going to get married, but at the same time i did get worryed and i couldnt sleep all night. so i phoned her asking how it was going and she said its fine nothing to worry about but i still was then i called few hours later and she told me some thing had happend. i was what what happend and she said that she kissed him and that she was sorry and i was willing to forgive her but she was saying sorry because she said that she wanted to give it a go with him and see how it goes.my heart just broke and i couldnt stop crying, i beg her to stay with me but she wouldnt and she kept on saying i still do love you. why did she choose him over me? i was willing to give up every thing for her! but she choose him over me, did she ever really love me? and now i feel like i cant take it amy more, i cant eat sleep nothing cant work.what should i do now i still want her back will she come back and if she does should i take her back
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Hey Cov, this didn't happen over night my friend. It was happening all along.
Here's when it started "she started to distance herself from me and we ended breaking up"
Here's the second sign "and then she started saying that i was too good for her and she dont deserve me stuff like that"
Here's the clincher and the biggest red flag "then one day she told me were she worked part time that there was a guy she like" She only told you about him then, he was around for a lot longer than that.
This is when they started to get close and started building a relationship. "she kept on talking about him"
This is the moment she chose him over you "she said she wanted to chill out with that guy whose been messing with her head"
This is the moment she officially ended it with you "she was saying sorry because she said that she wanted to give it a go with him and see how it goes."
You see? This wasn't an overnight thing, you didn't state a timeline for these events but from the second sign above to the day she broke up with you she had been building a relationship with this guy and getting closer to him.
That's when it all started, it didn't just happen one night. It was a long term romance, only you know when the first time she mentioned him was and that was the time when it all began.
Again, she did love you and she was open about what was happening all along so that means she respects you too. She didn't once try and cover it up, I think you ignored all these signs because you didn't want them to be true. All that stuff about him messing with her head, that was her won feelings messing with her head not him.
You really should break off all contact for a while, waiting around for her will only hurt you more, seriously trying to be friends with her and "waiting" for her when she's most likely never going to get back with you as it would be too unfair, would be a long drawn out hell for you. It really would be a pain worse than what you're going through now, rip it off like a band aid, don't draw this out any further, you have to end this so you can start healing and moving on.
Again I feel for you man, the next few weeks are going to be tough, just make sure you take care of yourself physically. Make sure you eat, make sure you go to work and take a nice long walk in the evenings too if you can. they're great for clearing the head. Most of all keep busy, see friends, visit family. Go to your support network and cry and talk with them. It will take a while, but you will be okay.
Again good luck.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 People fall out of love... it happens... it sucks...
Try a NON-LDR next time, hopefully you'll have more luck. You'll fall in love again in time, just have a few drinks, vent to a few friends, purge your house of things that remind you of her and you'll be back on your feet in no time mate.
Good-luck :)
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A
male
reader, Cov +, writes (7 December 2010):
Cov is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, i know i guy are most likely right but i was willing to leave every thing for her, why would she do this to me? it happend all in one night, did she not love me? then should i be there for her when it goes wrong with this guy or cut all ties with her? i just dont get why she choose him so quickly over me and i dont think i want to fall in love ever again but thank you again means a lot to me and to know their are ppl still out ther who have a kind hearts and have time to listen and help,may there be happyness in all your lives forever
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (7 December 2010):
"i was like why are you telling me this do you not love me anymore she was like yes i do your the only one for me dont worry i think he is playing mind games with me."
Pretty big red flag there mate... to me it kinda implies that if he wasn't playing mind games with her that she'd be interested in him as more than a friend.
Being blunt... this is a major problem when it comes to long distance relationships... maintaining a high level of attraction/connection. Don't worry, I doubt you did anything wrong, there was just too much distance.
My advice... move on. Who knows, maybe in the future your paths will cross.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): I believe she loved you, but relationships sometimes run their course and end. Very seldom can they be revived. You can look back and say, yes I loved that person, it was great I had them in my life, even if it was ulitametly to end. Learn from it, be enriched by the experience and let go. Love and loss are all part of the human experience for all of us. It is hell just at the moment naturally but you will get over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): No you shouldn't take her back. It didn't work out because of the long distance and perhaps the different faiths didn't help.
Long distance really isn't possible, you just don't get enough time together to develop the relationship. In all this time she was letting this guy seduce her, but she couldn't really help it because you were so far away she hardly ever got to see you but he was always there. So he filled the gap of loneliness she was feeling. This really is pretty common on LDR's you see they have someone in their life that's being romantic but that person is so far away that they're missing out in all the physical affection and the closeness.
It was a really bad sign when she started talking about you being too good for her. That says to me that she doesn't really love you that way, she loves you but is not IN love with you thing. That is especially apparent when she started talking about this other guy. Look the signs have all been there for a while, a long while. I think you see them all now, I think you know that the relationship has been heading this way for a long time now. That's why I don't think it will be possible for it to work. I mean you're just too far away to do anything about it, you could go up for a few days and talk to her but then when you go you're miles away again and the problem will still exist.
Look with the long distance whatever feelings she had for you and she obviously did love you, don't doubt that. But those feelings faded. That can happen when you are so far away, especially when there's another person in their life showing them all the love and affection she can't get from you. Now she has chosen him, she has chosen to be with him and try it out with him. Even if it didn't work out with him and she decided to try it again with you, the same thing will happen again when she meets someone new. You see she can't help it because she needs a man to be close to her and that man isn't going to be you.
Don't take her back, set her free and set yourself free. You need to try you best and move on. Take your time and keep yourself busy, if you can then break off contact with her for a while so you can get over her quicker. Good luck man, you have a tough road ahead but you'll be fine.
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