A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I try to make it shortI know her for over 6 years now. She was with my best friend for 5 years. They immigrated to NZ, but she came back because they had rs problems.She was totally down and sad. I tried to be a good friend for her and helped her a lot ( moving in a new flat, finding a job etc.) I always had a crush on her…Our contact went sporadicly cause I had to finish my studdies….She initiated contact again end of May last year. She was more open and we had a great month of getting closer and being intimate, I could show her my love through actions and she was happy to have my attention. ( still she blocked me emotionally and wasn´t over the breakup, sometimes got mad and angry for nothing and compared me a lot to her ex…I tried to stay calm and reasonable about it but she refused to talk about things and gave me blame for almost anything, bad mood swings…)Then her ex came back for visting friends and they had a their “final talk” about things, cause she was without closure. After that she changed a lot, some days were good,some days were very bad without any progress or talking about feelings….I gave her lots of space and only reacted when she started contacting me again…I asked her where we two where heading: just being friends or more…..I didn´t pressured her, just wanted to know where I stand and what she was thinking about us….she said that she only can be friends, and that she can´t give me feelings back…I wasn´t able to just be friends and told her that I needed some time for myself. ( maybe I should add her that she is very open sexually and that she is able to divide sex from feelings, and I am not, and she has a very high sex drive)So we didn´t met for about 6 weeks this summer, and I decided to go visit my friend in NZ, booked the flight and cared for my own stuff. She just called me one time and I mentioned to her that I would go mid october…..she was sad about it and cried…and wanted to met again before I was leaving the country. We had a pretty good evenig together at the pub but I was sad and emotianly down, cause I really love her. After that I tried to end it for me, leaving for good and forget about her…..on week before my flight, she tried to called me ten times and left as many messages that she had thought about thinks and that she has feelings for me, don´t want me to go without have talked about things again….I agreed, we met and had sex again, had a wonderful weekend and this made it even harder for me to go….cause I was convinced that she had made up her mind…I stayed for 6 weeks in NZ and we had contact all the time via skype and mail. We made plans for the summer and I was telling her that I would be back for her birthday beginning december. She was so happy and excited and picked me up at the airport. The first night back home was great and I really thought that she was ready to take the next step, being open for my love and feelings…..it changed like 180 degrees …after two days she started to have these bad mood swings again. The Friday I came back she was so happy and excited, we talked about our future and our plans and this had allready changed the nex Monday when she said to me that all is so complicated and that we have to take it easy and she wants it like our ways gonna cross from time to time…..I was totally irritated and was telling her that I was not able to be just a weekend option anymore and that I wouldn´t share her…not after all the things we were talking about and what she said to me….and I came back earlier for her birthady…..then I left her place and went back on Friday helping for the setup for her party. That night she told me that she had no feelings for me, that I was pressuring her to much and that we were different that I was seeking to be close and she needs her space, that she has no time for a relationship and loves to be alone….That knocked me down, it was totally different to what she said one week before and in the end we know each other for over 6 years….I stick to my promisses ( maybe a bad idea this time)and stayed at her place to help her organising the party and stuff….Saturday party and on Sunday she refused again to talk about what happened, what changed her mind about us…she just said that she is sorry about it…..I left and haven´t heard anything from her since 8. december…..So what is going on? I am so irritated about her behaviour, it doesn´t make any sense for me. She lured me back home from NZ, was talking about that she has feeling and puff….now there is obviously nothing left of all this.Maybe someone has an idea about it or explain by own experience….Please!
View related questions:
best friend, crush, her ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdateShe was with my best friend, whom I visited in NZ, for 5 years. When he came back home in the summer, my first move was to talk about the new situation and he was alright, that I was kinda dating his ex. He just said that it´s not his business anymore and he wishes best of luck to us....I have to add, that during the summer, when I had barely contact with her, she had slept with someone else, but confessed it to me after I had already gone to NZ.....so technically for my opinion it was like cheating, but she never saw it that way....anyway..Haven´t heard anything from her since beginning decembre, yesterday she wrote something on facebook for my birthday....but I didn´t looked at it yet. ( strange, she do have my cellphone number, so why she would choose the option o using fb, cause I have already unfriended her, to stop seing what she is doing)....Thanks very much for sharing your own experience!
A
female
reader, Viktobi  +, writes (24 January 2014):
Uhm....where do I start?
Besides the fact that she has a lot of issues....your relationship does seem a bit complicated.
You said she was with your best friend for 6 years? How is he taking the fact that you two are sorta kindda seeing yourselves/ or were seeing yourselves?
I have been in a similar situation like yours....he never made up his mind. One minute he would say, we can try it out...next couple of days it was over - we are too different - bla bla bla
To be honest, the best thing you can do is to forget her - move on and continue with life.
Forget her completely. You deserve to be treated better and surely this was unacceptable.
I have spoken.
Cheers
...............................
|
