A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago I went on a date with this guy. He wanted to take me out for about 3-4 years and I was always so uninterested. He grew up to be a nice gentleman. During our date he was super funny, and sweet. We had a lot in common and we talked about absolutely everything, he even got the car door for me. When the date ended unfortunately there was no kiss. we did talk the following day however the following week we kinda fell out.Wed talk all day from good morning to good night. Its been a good month that we haven't spoke and I just wanted to see your guys point of view.Why would a date like this not work out?what are turn offs and ons on dates that maybe im not aware about?I'm not asking about this situation specifically but just.in general. Does too much connection just follow rejections? All answers are appreciated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 May 2018):
 You contradict yourself.
Your original post says you talked the day after and then fell out a week later, suggesting a week of communication.
Your update says you didn’t hear from him again. Which is it?
If it’s the former then I stand by my original reply, if it’s the latter then I think he more than likely built this image of you up too highly and you didn’t live up to what he expected and he lost interest. Either way it’s dead in the water so I wouldn’t concern myself with it any longer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want to note that I am very much into him. However, after this date he hasn't talked to me at all and so I wanted a point of view as to the reason why he may not have tried reaching out.
but I appreciate your comments thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2018): The crush he used to have has worn-off.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2018):
 You went on ONE date and the week after you two fell out?
Yeah, I don't see this leading to anything great. Though you don't mention what you fell out over so that CAN be an indicator as to whether there is a future here or not..
My thing though, you haven't found him interesting enough for 3-4 years... Sure, he grew up a little but he is still the same guy you weren't into.
I don't think "too much connection just follow rejections."
I think If someone you INITIALLY and for YEARS weren't interested in, you aren't automatically become interested 3-4 years later. Plus... if he has been interested in you for years, he probably have put you up on a pedestal you CAN NOT get down from. So from his side no matter what reality doesn't live up to HIS fantasy. And while you might chat really well with each other it runs out in the sand quicker than you can say Mississippi.
You asked :" what are turn offs and ons on dates that maybe im not aware about?"
1. Well, getting into arguments or "falling out" a WEEK after the FIRST date... it's a turn off (at least for me) I don't know how people can get into "arguments" when knowing each other SO little.
2. You say you talked about EVERYTHING the first date. It's great that you two can easily talk, but DO hold back a little. Save a little for date #2 and #3. Having a lot in common is USUALLY a good thing. What you have to pay attention to is IF a guy is "mirroring" you because he is interested, share the same things, get her thinking he is "perfect" OR because he knows that "having things in common" can get in a girl's pants. So it can be BOTH good and bad. Depending on whether either of you "lie" or feign interest in something you are not REALLY into for the sake of building a connection.
3. No kiss at the end of date #1 is JUST fine. Where is the fire anyways? Don't try and make it an INSTANT relationship.
4. Someone who initiate ONE date and then ONLY seen to want to text... is wasting your time. He wants to catch your interest and keep you around for his ego and for attention.
5. If nothing seems to happen MOVE ON. Don't try and analyze it to death. It (for whatever reason) didn't work out... move on to someone else.
Also, THERE is a reason you weren't into him for 3-4 years. Those reasons might still be valid. Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 May 2018):
 There can be many reasons why dates don't work out. He could be rebounding. He could be moving away. He could be waiting for his next paycheck. He's super busy that he finally found an open slot so he asked someone he knew from before, someone he's confident that won't reject him. Or, he just wants to have one date out of the blue which leads to nothing more.
I wish we all have explanations of why things don't work out. But if we have to list them then maybe we wouldn't have allowed the date to happen. If you are like me, I am the kind of person who likes to have something leading to more. I never like the idea of just hanging out to kill time.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 May 2018):
I think you’ve answered your own question.
You told us you fell out. I don’t think the date was an issue here.
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