A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay i guess to start....my wife and i got married about 6 months ago now. everything was great...but about after 3 months of having amazing sex...it seemed to just stop. when i asked about it...she said she has low sex drive....now why didnt she tell me before? Now im 23 years old and she is 21. we have sex about 1 time a week. and even then its almost like i will have to force myself to do it. and if i try more than 1 time a week..she says u did it 3 days ago..or somthing like that. she says she is to tired...we do have a 17 month old little girl....she is a stay at home mom. i do all the work and provide. and when i come home...i take care of our little girl, do the dishes, clean the house. i constantly give her hot oil massages and compliment her. so i guess here are my questions.......1. why did she wait till we got married to tell me she has low sex drive???2. it would not be as bad if maybe SOMETIME she could give me head or somthing....she just will not do it...and if she does i have to BEGGG her to...i tried talking to her about it..then she comes off and says im being selfish and i need to think of her...well what about me???? help me....
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 My question is why would she have to tell you? You fathered a child with her, so obviously you have had sex before you married, and you should have known then what she was like in bed?
I do think that if she hasn't always been this disinterested in sex it is because of a momentary low sex drive, not necessarily something permanent.
Never beg for sex of any kind. It is humiliating and destructive.
A handjob/blowjob is a lot of work, if she's too tired for sex, trust me, she's too tired for a blowjob which is MORE work for the woman than intercourse.
She should think of you and your needs. But you need to go about this in a different way. Figure out what happened with the sex, if it changed and wasn't always like this, and explain in a calm manner the effects it has on you when she doesn't want to be intimate with you. It destroys the relationship from within, explain to the best of your abilities how it makes you feel (example, less important, not loved, not welcomes, unwanted, pushes away etc.).
Have a good talk. Then see if things get better as the child grows older, and let her have some time to herself now and then to gather her strength. After all, you get to go away every day, while she is stuck at home with a screaming baby! You got the easy part in this. Once a week isn't as horrible as other couples can have it though... treasure what you get and make sure this once a week occurrence is a nice time for both of you, and a moment where you get to connect.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 so your daughter is 17 months old, getting to the stage where she is running about and getting into EVERYTHING, do you have any idea how tiring looking after a little toddler all day is?
i am sorry, i agree with your wife. maybe she is depressed by the routine of married life and motherhood. its a tough time. she is just 21 and probably wonders what the hell has happened to her life.
don't moan at her or beg for stuff coz you will just make matters worse. i don't think she misled you into marrying her by pretending her sex drive was high when secretly it wasn't. i think you are suffering from a dip at the moment.
talk to each other nicely, carry on being affectionate with each other and just be patient. you are not the first guy who has had his sex life wrecked by a baby! talk to other married dads and get their thoughts and tips
x
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