A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So what is it about marriage that scares guys? My boyfriend and I have lived together for 4.5 years and been dating nearly 5. We live like we are married as it is. My friends are getting married and his friends are getting married and it makes me wonder about us. When we first got together I wasn't legally able to drink and he would tell me he wanted to wait til I could drink at our wedding (champagne) but that he couldn't wait to marry me. He was the one who would ask me when we first got together where Id like to go on our honey moon and all this stuff, I being 18 at the time, was flattered but not about to think seriously about marriage.Now Im almost 23 and he is 32 and since we have successfully been living together for this long and only have arguments occasionally and no real big issues, I would really like to get married. I love him with all my heart and really see a future with him. We are very close, our families celebrate holidays together as one big family, he has been wanting kids soon as I finish my degree for a few years now, it just seems silly not to.But now its like he is afraid and doesn't want to get married at all. He told me its like a "guy getting his balls cut off" to get married, which is ridiculous. He always makes excuses whenever I bring it up. Nothing would change other than Id be able to be under his insurance and wed have some nice wedding photos of us hanging up in our house. I dont even want a big wedding, Im not one of those crazy girls about my wedding, just before I have kids with someone, Id like us to be married. Why, when he used to be so avid about wanting to do it, does he now not want to anymore? He doesn't want to break up and really strongly wants children with me so why is marriage seeming to be more and more out of the question?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Words are just that: WORDS! He said it to make you feel a certain way, that is all. Any time you have a discrepancy between a man's words and a man's actions, it just means he is lying. Actions are the only indicator of character and truth.
Marriage has plenty more benefits than you realizd. http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I think talking about marriage and commitment very early in a relationship is a man's way to lure the woman in. It was sweet-talk, things he said because he knew it would charm you and make you feel flattered.
But, truth is he never really meant it, which shows now. It was all smoke and mirrors to impress you.
I'm not sure if he ever was serious about marrying you in the first place, or if he wants to get married at all in life. Ask him. Be prepared that if it is marriage you want you may have to walk. But really, if marriage is what you want, then you shouldn't give up that dream for any man. You will regret it if you give up on your dreams for a man.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 i read a little article today in a magazine that said that the way women and men think about moving in together is different - women see it as a prelude to getting married
- men see it as a way to hopefully get sex on tap and to test whether they want to stick around before signing up to anything!
when you ask why marriage is now so out of tghe question after all the initial sweet-talk... what does he say when you ask him about this? he is the only one who knows why the change of heart (if that's what it is) i think marriage and weddings interest women a whole lot more than they interest men anyway, so if your relationship is loving, honest, faithful, caring then this is good, don't worry that you haven't got the ring on your finger yet
x
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