A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Six months ago I found my husband on MySace, Facebook, Tagged, Yahoo personals, Fling, and a few more like that. At first he claimed someone hacked his email and it wasnt him. Then he claimed he did not remember and didnt know about them. Finally after I had proof he admitted to meeting girls online for the excitement but claims he has never met any of them in person. I emailed and called the girls who I could and they all say they never met him in person. Should I believe him? We were in a difficult spot financially and I was running several businesess we owned at that time. I was never home. He claims he was lonely. Can I ever trust him again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for responding. It gave me a lot to think about. We are working it out and I do believe him for now. I am a very competent woman and if it happens again we are done. I deserve better.
A
female
reader, shiks  +, writes (22 September 2010):
i know how u feel . my husband was home for two weeks and even when he was working he would spend hours on the computer doing live sex chat when i was sleeping or at work. when i found out he said he was bored. i kept on saying to him if u want sex come to me thats why we got married coz we are there for each other wake me up if u want. but it didnt stop, i was pregnant he was doing that i keep finding it out somehow or the other. it wont stop.
he hardly has sex with me only when i initiate it. he said he couldnt be bothered. i cant trust him when he is online. he goes to work and comes home on time. but i cant trust him if he goes somewhere by himself. point blank i dont trust him.
they are born to lie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): People do all kinds of things sometimes even without a reason and then because they cant find an answer they tend to make something up and things spiral out of control just so you can stop nagging
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A
female
reader, tblondie1826 +, writes (21 September 2010):
Yes and No. But this isn't something to end a marriage on. Tell him that it upset you, but also apologize for not being home a lot. A lot of people tend to get lonely and you don't have proof of more than talking. If you do find out he cheated then you have a totally different scenario.
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A
female
reader, crabgoat +, writes (21 September 2010):
Did u say bored? I get bored and lonely but I don't try to hook up with other men!! Geez Louise! what a lame excuse.I was in a relationship for 12 yrs with an man that did the same thing. Meeting "female friends" behind my back and then trying to label me as a "jealous woman" when I questioned him about it!Should u believe him? Lets do the math!
RED FLAGS: Lie #1) Claims his e-mail was hacked into.
Lie #2) Does not remember, Didn't know about them (actually 2 lies in one. Lie #3)Admits to meeting other women online but not meeting them in person? What does ur gut say...hmmm? I don't mean to come off heartless but the writing is on the wall. I didn't want to see it either. But there comes a time and it will come, when u realize that people who love u will treat u with respect,consideration,courtesy,HONESTY, and compassion. If u can live without one of these qualities in ur relationship then let it go. Let him continue being an alley cat, sneaking behind ur back. the choice is yours. its tough one to say the least.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You need to watch the movie "Sliding Doors." It may open your eyes.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Yes, there will be a time you'll forgive and forget. but he needs to earn that. he knows that and will make big efforts to earn it. As to the why part of the equation. Men's fantasies(I have them-we all do) tend to roam all over the place. We all wish we were young again and attractive so we do dumb things like pretend we're out there looking for the real women that will fulfill our every fantasy. Porn helps somewhat in a voyeristic sort of way but meeting up with strngers is very rare. We're terrified of the ultimate rejection. the chance of him roaming again will go away as he realizes he is unworthy of anyone else and once that reality sets in he'll be trustworthy. We men are a complicated lot and pitiful in most society. We think we're "all that" as the kids would say but we're actually nothin' on a stick. Luck to you
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (21 September 2010):
 He claims he was lonely while you were working? That's unacceptable! So meanwhile you were working, he was wasting time on the internet, looking for "fun" with random girls. Even so, he has no right NOT to work. I think he's a very bored person and you really need to get his a** off from his computer chair and do something constructive.
He lied because he was probably afraid of your reaction. Maybe I tend to be a bit of a conservative when it comes to relationships, especially marriages - a man should not turn his head off his woman. I'm not saying not to admire women, but he should do it in a more "discreet" way and everything should remain only to the "admiring" status. No emotional involvement.
A man who picks girls up over the internet is not really to be trusted. The fact that he felt alone is just a lame excuse in order to manipulate you, so he's appeals to your emotions, he knows that you probably love him enough to believe him and get over it.
It doesn't matter if he didn't meet those girls in person, what's important is that he has a tendency to see other alternatives aside you. Just for fun. And this means he has no respect for you.
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A
female
reader, xX_Kitty_Xx  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Maybe he was just bored... I mean he was at home by himself alot may e he met these girls and talked to them just to satisfy his boredom... And perhaps he lied because he was scared of what you would think of him or was worried It would affect your relationship ... That's all I can think of hope it helps (: x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): well i'm not surprised , a bored man is always a problem! let him get busy with work or family obligation . i think he was just doing it for the excitment not more not less.
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