A
female
age
51-59,
*innymc
writes:hi well its been the worst 5 weeks of my life my husband has left me and im so sad angry hurt god too many feelings to say i love him very much and just want to talk to him hes been gone 5 weeks it was a shock we had only just been back off holiday 2 weeks theres another woman involved but that was just has much has a shock we had a row he went to stay at his mothers and 10 days later hes in bed with someone else he tells me he doesnt love me anymore which is really hurtfull in 5 weeks ive seen him once for 30 minutes i just wish i could understand why and want to get rid of the hurt Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Luckystars77  +, writes (1 March 2011):
Oh sweetie, I completely understand how you feel - my husband left me for another woman in Jan last year. The anger, sadness, confusion etc is competely normal.I don't know if it's the case for every affair but in the case of my husband he was and still is terrified of commitment, intimacy and responsibility. He shut me out of the things he was struggling with and then complained I was the one being distant! Unfortunately I only saw this in hind sight.Guys are able to compartmentalise better than us women sometimes and so if he shuts off that 'wife' box in his mind and doesn't go near that box, he won't feel the pain associated with that box which is why he can convince himself that you don't love him, need him, want him etc and so feels it's better for both of you if he just leaves. It doesn't make it any easier on the woman who has been rejected and feels like her life just evaporated - and it is impossibly difficult to lose the love of your life and best friend in one foul swoop. In the grieving process you need to cut off contact with him where possible or else it will delay this process or will prolong it because his reasons for leaving you will continue to be reinforced and pollute you.I have a strong faith in God which has kept me steady and whilst I was furious at God and the whole world when this happened, I have come to accept that God doesn't control anyone else's actions, good or bad - that is one of the things both beautiful and terrifying about love and commitment: it is a choice and either one can choose to walk away. I spent time with people who would build me up and let me talk, cry, vent etc - took up kickboxing which was great too! :)Embrace your tears sweetness, they are healing. He has done irreversible damage to your marriage, even if he were to leave the other woman and come back to you tomorrow it does not undo the hurt or suddenly make you feel better. Guaranteed, this new relationship will fail eventually as it was his 'escape pod' from intimacy and commitment. When it no longer serves his purpose he will either find someone new or try to come back to you begging for forgiveness.Even if you want to, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK AT FIRST! In some cases marriages can work thru this sort of thing but u need to make sure he is getting counselling and dealing with the issues that caused it all in the first place or else he'll do the same thing again eventually. Wait at least 6 months, if he is still convinced he wants you back after that time and is still trying to earn your trust back then maybe consider it with your counsellor family etc.In the meantime, read a great book called 'Getting the Love you Want' by Harville Hendrix it explains alot about the psychology behind marriage breakdown and will help you to see some truths about both your husband and yourself.God bless you and keep you.
A
female
reader, bessy +, writes (8 February 2011):
know how you're feeling my husband of nearly 20 years left me 3 weeks ago for another woman he had been seeing on and off for years. i stupidly had no idea believed everything he told me we have 2 children who are devastated older so understand the situation. i'm left totally shattered can't sleep or eat cry all the time this is my whole life collapsed. he says he wants to leave her but has yet to do this doesn't like me asking about this gets angry. he texts me when she is not there yet tends to ignore my messages when she is there. i so know your pain and wish there was a quick fix solution you are not alone.
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female
reader, betty899  +, writes (22 November 2010):
You sound like a very nice person, with deep feelings.
I believe your husband's infidelity is caused by his flawed character. Lack of a strong moral fiber; and selfishness. Thinking only of oneself, and not of the years of true love and fidelity you have given him. It is hard to comprehend that your husband would act in such a dastardly way, since you live by strong and honorable beliefs. The woman he is with must be as flawed as he is, to take up with a married man.
Take comfort in the fact that you are a very good person, and that good always triumphs in the end. Actually, feel sorry for them both, because they are both pathetic, and mistakenly think they are not. He is not worthy of you. Please shed no more tears for someone who has not given you the love and respect that is owed you. There are many good men around, your husband is not one of them. .
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female
reader, Adia  +, writes (7 January 2009):
i think it is very hurting , i feel and understand your feeling so much ...My husband also left me 2 time cause from other women ....stayed with her half year more than , he got sick from her ...then she run away to an other men when he got sick ..i must to pick up him come home to careful ..finish sick they contact again and meet again . They are together leave out my city going to other City ( by airplane about 2 hours ) i found out him and come to my husband aprtment stayed now , the women left away before when they know i came ....but they still contact and meet together when i busy at work .i am sick because i am very shock now ...but my husband he never care about me never ask how about me , he just worry for the women if the women say she are get catch cold ....then my husband will hit me hurt me run to meet her very sooner ,many people was asked me why do not leave him , but i still love my husband very much look like you love your husband .i think all is the man also to do the same way the same things if they have other women more younger than wife ...Anyway hope you little bit careful byself ! please do not fall down look like me .
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Whatever you do, do not let him know how hurt and upset you are. Do NOT call him, do NOT beg, do NOT plead, do NOT claim you will change. Let him think that you are okay with his decision and that you too are moving on. For some reason this is the best strategy as people always seem to want what they can't have. Keep smiling on the outside if you encounter him. Let him think that you are happy. If you speak with him, somehow, figure out a way to let him know what you admired about him; even if it was just the fact that he got up everyday and went to work to help take care of you and your family. Anything. I know this is hard to do, but necessary if you want to repair the relationship. The more you do anything else, the further away you will push him. He will lose respect for you. It may not work immediately, but just keep keeping on. If he is worth having he will surely recognize the error of his ways.
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female
reader, queenie74 +, writes (9 May 2008):
hi i know how you feel as my partner of 7 and a half years left me on the 22nd of april 2008 as we had a small row but nothing serious, he never came home and left all his belongings here and moved in with a woman who lives 2 roads away from me and he slept with her 4 days later and he told me it was my own fault and we havent spoken since. We also have 2 children together aged 3 years and a baby aged 8 months and he hasnt been to see them. It hurts so much as i feel so lost and alone as i moved 240 miles away from family and friends to live with him and right now life seems pointless so i understand your pain as everyday i cry as i cant believe he has done this to us so please remember you are not alone
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female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (18 April 2008):
 aww everyone will be feeling for you.
It's a very hurtfull thing your husband has done and there's no excuse for his acttions what makes a man change his feelings and jump in to bed with another woman is a mith.
But he could have being depressed and sometimes people do things there not sure how or why the have done them if he has depression he needs to see someone to help him through it.
Either his feeling for you have being lost and he cant bring him self to tell you or well hes a silly man.
Go see your doctor as you may be going through depression as it's a very hard time for you he should be able to give you someting that can help ease the pain. As for him leave him try not to contact him as you will only get more and more upset.
Good look hunni xx
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female
reader, IamLily  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 I am really sorry for you. I am sure he is not aware of your love? May be the excitement that every male wants is lacking in his life. Have you ever acted as a ornstar in your bedroom. If no, then try doing it once. He will be back.Also you may send this link that will teach him,How to win Heart of your Wife:http://www.howtowin.in/free-books/how-to-win-heart-of-your-wife/index.html
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female
reader, Guru1 +, writes (17 April 2008):
You poor thing, you sound absolutely distraught. It's anybody's guess why he left you but obviously you didn't see it coming. You might find this other woman has been on the scene a little longer than you thought. Some married men do this only to discover that the fantasy of a new relationship will only last so long. He may or maynot come back, but I think you must try to do your best to face this new reality the best way you can. However this turns out your marriage is in serious trouble. It would be wise to see a counsellor to help you work out how you feel and the best way to deal with those feelings. A lot of women blame themselves saying if only they had done more but honestly married people have problems everyday and don't rush out and start a relationship with someone else. Even though I'm sure you are not perfect remember he turned away from your maariage by going outside. You have got to start taking caring of yourself now and building on yourself so you have the strenghth you'll need in the long term. The hurt won't go away quickly it will take time, but you will recover to be someone bigger and stronger than you ever thought you could be. Thinking of you. Take care
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