A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I slept with my very close friend of 7 years, and wondered if it was a start point to go further. I got the courage to ask and was expecting a sad no, hoping for an excited yes. I wasn't expecting the complete embarrassing rejection that i got. I didn't get past can we talk about the other night. She erupted, told me I was stupid to think it was anything other then a 1 night stand, there's nothing to talk about, she'd only hurt my feeling if I did, there's no chance and I should forget it and kept repeating (about a dozen times, why did I wait 5 years to do it). If I could not see the hurt, anguish and total out of character in her response I would have just walked off. The next day I apologised over text and she said it would be a killer to lose me but friends are all we can ever be, then that I am the greatest, but shes happy the way it is. I suppose the question is any clues as to why the reaction was so harsh?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): "the weekend before I pipped up she finally met a guy she wants to date"
Hey, if you love her, then tell her that you love her. Tell her exactly what you wrote here.
Maybe, just maybe, she feels stuck and the other guy is going to have a broken heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,Many thanks for the answers. Very helpful in providing clarity and confirming my views, whcih are i should have asked (or as it turns out tried to ask) sooner. I do think she is racked with guilt as re reading my question, I missed out one element which actuially supports the views. the bit i missed was that I've never had a text back so quickly, i'd not even had a chance to put my phone down, after I said sorry, where she apologised for ruining our friendship what happened and leading me on. I did tell her she didn't lead me on, as it takes two to tango, but whether she has believed it or not is another matter. I should have also explained is that we became friends though the usual sexual attraction. We were flirting like crazy over text, email, in person, some were very explict. However, the day were were supposed to be going away to clinch the deal her father got killed, so me being me instantly changed tact to be the shoulder to cry on rather then the inconsiderate fool trying to whip her pants off. I then a had a quick fling with someone else, which ended that. Why did I wait 5 years? We'll I thought we were / are at a moment in time where as a mutally felt special friendship (and I think her actions back that up), it would survive possibly stronger, if a mutal felt desire to date wasn't there. If it was then it was back to square one, i.e. we start no pressure flirting first and see if the sexual chemistry returns. I've since found out their an added complication with my timing, which also gives an explanation, the weekend before I pipped up she finally met a guy she wants to date. Woops perfect timing if I had known I wouldn't have said a word.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 she's probably upset and confused and accidentally took it out on you. upset because you're important to her as a friend, and she's scared that by sleeping with you, it may have ruined everything. if you two have been good friends for seven years and suddenly had an intimate moment together, it could throw off everything in your friendship. she's probably afraid of losing the great relationship you two have together for something she's uncertain about. or even worse, she may be afraid that by having slept together, the friendship is already ruined.
just give her some time. she'll come around. this may not wind up the way you want it to, with her being your girlfriend. but just be patient and hopefully you two can get your friendship back to the way it was. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): It does sound as though she's had strong feelings for you for the past five years. That or she did have, lacked the courage to speak up and suffered in silence.
Regardless of her reasons, her reaction was a bit over the top.
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A
female
reader, LittleMissy +, writes (27 May 2011):
They why did you wait 5 years part makes it sound as though she might have felt something for you at one point. She's maybe scared Of getting involved incase she loses you as a friend as well as a lover.
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